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I'm a single guy in my 30s and when I travel somewhere for work or on a vacation and then I come back, I visit my parents and they always ask if I miss them. Of course I tell them that I do, but in reality I don't.
I love them and they have done a lot for me but they are very smothering, checking up on me constantly. They want to make sure I'm always completely comfortable and want to know everything about my job, what I'm doing on my time off, etc.
Whenever I travel, they want the full itinerary including which hotels I stay at and where I plan on visiting. They also call me every couple of days.
I just really enjoy getting away from them. Does that make me a bad son? I feel somewhat guilty about feeling that way.
I have done some traveling, never missed my family. Never said I missed them. Just said "I had a great time, sorry to see it end"...
I agree that someone should know where you are staying and when to expect you back. Having a cell phone does little good if you don't come home and don't answer the phone. They would need to tell the police where to start looking.
I have done some traveling, never missed my family. Never said I missed them. Just said "I had a great time, sorry to see it end"...
It depends whether you mean your mother and father when you say "never missed my family" or if you mean your spouse/partner/significant other and children, if you have any.
I do have one comment to add. I always think that someone should have a copy of what hotel you are staying in, the flights that you are taking and similar things. In your case, it probably would be better to be a good friend, your job or a roommate have that information. I have known several people who have had a death in the immediate family and needed to be notified ASAP while they were on vacation. That is pretty difficult if no one knows where you are.
My children are in their early thirties and I speak with my son once every week (or two weeks). My daughter is living in a third world country and she is able to call me about once every three weeks (maybe once a month). I would never expect them to contact me every few days while they are on vacation.
Do you normally talk to your parents every few days when you are not on vacation?
Op: read the above out loud, then to yourself, then out loud again. Being an independent travelers does not immune yourself of others caring about your well being. You are not as invincible as you might think.
Sure as adults we could have had the 'too bad, so sad for you' attitude some younger folks live by. . I'm sorry you are dismissive of family. Reckon it serves you.....
Your parents sound caring and every now and again us adult children can genuinely validate that care. Try it. No one died from being kind to loved ones....
Next time, say, "Nope! I was having so much fun that I didn't miss anyone!" (Or, "I was working so hard that I didn't have a chance to miss anyone!")
It's reasonable to ask all the hotels that you're staying, but not reasonable to call every few days. Nothing wrong with saying "Hey, I'm on a holiday! You can catch up when I get home!" On the other hand, now that I think of it, one reason to give people an itinerary was so you could be reached in an emergency. If you carry a cell, they don't need that. So next time they request your hotels, you could ask why. If they say it's for an emergency, you can point out about the cell.
By the way, do you call them? Regularly? Perhaps one reason they keep checking up on you is because you're not calling? If so, that's how to get them to stop. If you call them, you can ask them to call you less frequently. And if you start sending them chatty postcards every few days on your trips, you'll be in a better position to not speak by phone.
I can appreciate the OP wanting a little time and space to clear his head. And if he feels like he needs some space then that's certainly valid and his well meaning parents need to back off a little, even if it's just a temporary retreat now and then. I do have to wonder about a few things after reading this thread though:
1. This thread's responses seem very western-culture centric to me, which may accurately depict one particular perspective. Okay... fine, but I wonder if the response and way of looking at the question would be the same in a different part of the world. Or even in rural areas within the US, families tend to cluster closer together with Junior marring Sally Susan, building a house, and raising youngins' and cattle behind Paw Paw's on land that Paw Paw gives them and seem to get along quite contently. That certainly isn't the life for everyone, and would scare some people , but people do seem to be passing curiously harsh judgment on that arrangement if it works for some and everyone's happy.
2. People apparently are more "connected" by technology and wherever you go nowadays people are constantly walking around talking, and as of more recently, texting people who must be close to them (or why are they doing this all the time??). With that said, if it didn't bother the OP to talk to his parents fairly often, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that, just as I would see nothing wrong with him wanting to take a little break and have some time to himself. It's almost as if people are implying that it's a character flaw to do that, which is a little baffling. If the OP isn't able to make adult decisions and stand on his own at a mature age, then sure, that could certainly be a problem. But that doesn't seem to be the case and some people are more connected to their parents than others.
And it's kind of ironic to say it's excessively roped at the hip (or some expression like that) to check in on family every few days (in general- not necessarily while on vacation) when people are glued to their phones apparently talking to someone. Who are those people always talking to?
I'm a single guy in my 30s and when I travel somewhere for work or on a vacation and then I come back, I visit my parents and they always ask if I miss them. Of course I tell them that I do, but in reality I don't.
I love them and they have done a lot for me but they are very smothering, checking up on me constantly. They want to make sure I'm always completely comfortable and want to know everything about my job, what I'm doing on my time off, etc.
Whenever I travel, they want the full itinerary including which hotels I stay at and where I plan on visiting. They also call me every couple of days.
I just really enjoy getting away from them. Does that make me a bad son? I feel somewhat guilty about feeling that way.
Don't sweat it. Just lie and play the game.
Not turning this to me but I've always felt like visiting my dad was "work" I mean just work. My dad was a hard person to be around for longer than a day or two. I'd visit him a couple of times a year as he was out of state from me.
One night after a few glasses of wine he started confessing about the things he did wrong or whatever, this is a highly condensed version of the story and long story short I "let" him think that he was an ok dad. He wasn't some bad guy who abused me but he was just not cut out to be a father. I let him and his wife think I was fine and that things were ok and now to this day I'm sorta relieved that I took the high road because many many times I wanted to just tell him to go screw himself and just be done with bothering to deal with him.
He's been dead for a year or two now and to be honest, I don't miss him. I don't really feel much guilt about not missing him. Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean you owe them the world.
Again, I've never disrespected him, never once gave him any grief as I was a mellow kid growing and I do as a grown man appreciate him paying for me, lol, when he did, but I resented the hell out of a whole lot of things and I don't buy into that crapola of unconditional love and respect just because someone is related to me. Screw that.
That all said be as respectful as much as you can but don't beat yourself up for feeling like you do. I did when I was younger but I got to a place of basically saying F it........
I do have one comment to add. I always think that someone should have a copy of what hotel you are staying in, the flights that you are taking and similar things. In your case, it probably would be better to be a good friend, your job or a roommate have that information. I have known several people who have had a death in the immediate family and needed to be notified ASAP while they were on vacation. That is pretty difficult if no one knows where you are
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Or maybe just...have a cellphone?
I'll give some real life examples, I was with an elderly friend who needed to contact her son who was on vacation in Europe, due to a time sensitive emergency. We tried for hours to contact him on his cell phone and were unsuccessful. We finally contacted one of his children (my friend's grandchild) and they were able to leave a message at the hotel for him to call home ASAP.
My son and his family vacationed at a rustic camp in the mountains where there was not cell service or internet service (I'm not sure if it was designed to be cell/media free or if it was just in a dead zone). In case of emergency you needed to contact the camp office directly via their telephone land line. He let people know that so no one panicked when they were "off the grid" for a week.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Tarabotti
Yes, cell phones are great ......until you are in an area where they don't work or you don't have power. What if you are in an accident or kidnapped or, God forbid, die overseas? Someone should have your itinerary so that officials/police/etc can be notified as soon as possible. You don't have to give out every last detail but someone should know that you were on American Airlines flight 111 to Europe where you will be spending 6 days at Hotel Beautiful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I agree that someone should know where you are staying and when to expect you back. Having a cell phone does little good if you don't come home and don't answer the phone. They would need to tell the police where to start looking.
Although it is normal to not miss your parents at age 30, what they are doing is very normal. Wanting to be a part of your life and keep a solid connection, etc. It's called being a parent, it's called move. More than that, they actually like you. There are many parents (and kids) who love their kids (or parents) but do not like them. Yours like you and want that close bond. You are lucky.
I'll give some real life examples, I was with an elderly friend who needed to contact her son who was on vacation in Europe, due to a time sensitive emergency. We tried for hours to contact him on his cell phone and were unsuccessful. We finally contacted one of his children (my friend's grandchild) and they were able to leave a message at the hotel for him to call home ASAP.
My son and his family vacationed at a rustic camp in the mountains where there was not cell service or internet service (I'm not sure if it was designed to be cell/media free or if it was just in a dead zone). In case of emergency you needed to contact the camp office directly via their telephone land line. He let people know that so no one panicked when they were "off the grid" for a week.
We had the same kind of thing happen. We had a death in the family once, and a baby coming unexpectedly early once, and cell phones and email were not sufficient in getting word to people who needed to know.
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, but people do seem to be passing curiously harsh judgment on that arrangement if it works for some and everyone's happy.
If the OP isn't able to make adult decisions and stand on his own at a mature age, then sure, that could certainly be a problem. But that doesn't seem to be the case and some people are more connected to their parents than others. 
