Afraid of dying alone without anyone noticing right away (introvert, conversation, acquaintance)
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One of my closest friends died in January of the flu and was likely gone for several days before she was found. She was only 38.
A lot went wrong in that situation, and I feel very guilty. Neither she nor I are the type of people to regularly check in. I'm super introverted and while we were close friends, we texted infrequently and most of our friendship was around seeing each other a few times a month and popping in to say hi to each other at work (same institution, different departments). I will probably live with the thought, "What if I had checked in?" for the rest of my life.
Her sister reached out to me via social media to say that the family hadn't heard from her in almost a week and she wasn't responding to calls. I immediately hopped in my car and drove over, and then called the police when I saw her car in the parking lot and someone in the building let me in. There were packages dated for days before in front of her door. I knew before the police even arrived. So did they: rather than break the door down, they waited half an hour for the landlord to show up to let them in.
We later found out that her family knew she was sick in the worst flu season in recent history but never thought to check in daily or drive from 2 hours away to check in on her that weekend. Her supervisors were concerned enough about disjointed texts that they went to HR, but no one thought to do a wellness check or even keep checking in on her. The disjointed texts were on a Tuesday and we found her on a Monday.
As a result, many of her friends and coworkers who live along got together and made plans to text each other each morning. Sometimes it bugs me and feels intrusive - especially when I oversleep and panic one of my friends - but I know that there's a safety net. If we haven't heard from each other in 12 hours unless otherwise agreed upon, we have plans in place to contact the police just in case. My supervisor requires that her staff check in every day when they're sick, not because she's micromanaging or pestering (she definitely wants us to stay out of the office with our germs!) but because she wants to make sure that we're OK. While I only live alone part of the time when my boyfriend is traveling work work and I check in with him, I feel much more comfortable knowing that lots of people in my circle are checking in.
Dying alone isn't what worries me - it's the possibility of needing help for days and no one knowing. I'm 30 so I don't feel the need for a Life Alert just yet, but things can happen at any age.
I'm so sorry for your loss! It sounds like something good came out of it, of only that everyone connected with your friend realized how fragile life can be, and took some proactive steps. I hope you're not beating yourself up about this; no one really expects someone in their 30's to die from the flu. I'm sure you have everyone's sympathies, here.
That’s my biggest fear. I’ve read these sad stories online about these people dying alone in their home and weeks, even years go by before anyone notices. Wheather you’re an introvert or extrovert, people are meant to be social beings interacting with others.
I do have parents and siblings. There’s a chance I can outlive all of them. Although, I don’t have a strong, close connection with them, it’s better than nothing.
I don’t have anyone to call a close friend. I rarely get funny/dumb texts from anyone. Not even from my parents or siblings. Every friendship I try to make it fizzles out or stays as casual acquaintances. It almost always ends up being one-sided with me initiating the conversation. I try to show interest in other people’s lives without being intrusive, most don’t seem interested in chatting with me. Usually, I’ll say something like “what’s been going on with you” and their response will be superficial saying “not much”.
I’m not one to chat much. Always been that way. So that could make people think I’m not interested in them. While many people seem to be social drinkers, I’m not. I refuse to drink and drive. I don’t get too involved with social media because it’s a passive way of keeping in touch. Sone rarely post anything.
There’s other factors that I feel have a negative influence on being able to make friends and maintaining the friendships
I worry about dying a slow, painful death alone but I don’t care what happens after I die. If no one discovers my body for awhile, so what? I’ll be dead and I won’t know what’s going on anyway.
It sounds like you are a young person? If so, this seems like an irrational fear. Probably a few sessions with a psychologist could work you through it.
If you were elderly, your fears would be understandable, and I’d advise you to move to a retirement community where you are checked on every day.
“I’m not much of a chatterbox. Some people think if you don’t talk much, they take it as not being interesting or willing to be friends with you. I’m profond Deaf and people dont like repeating themselves. The biggie are my eyes. I was also born with facial palsy. Both my eyes are different in size, even the pupils. I have problems blinking in one eye so it appears like I’m winking at everyone. That had made me self-conscious.”
I realize we live in an anti-Church period and certainly anti-Christian. However, may I kindly suggest you begin visiting churches irrespective of denomination. One size does not fit all. You may very well find a caring congregation where you will find friends. You did not mention sign language. Many churches have sign language people. You will find out very soon which churches are genuine in their concern and in the Christian Faith. You should be ready to share your disability situation and give others a chance to adjust to you. There are churches that do minister to the walking wounded.
One of my closest friends died in January of the flu and was likely gone for several days before she was found. She was only 38.
A lot went wrong in that situation, and I feel very guilty. Neither she nor I are the type of people to regularly check in. I'm super introverted and while we were close friends, we texted infrequently and most of our friendship was around seeing each other a few times a month and popping in to say hi to each other at work (same institution, different departments). I will probably live with the thought, "What if I had checked in?" for the rest of my life.
Her sister reached out to me via social media to say that the family hadn't heard from her in almost a week and she wasn't responding to calls. I immediately hopped in my car and drove over, and then called the police when I saw her car in the parking lot and someone in the building let me in. There were packages dated for days before in front of her door. I knew before the police even arrived. So did they: rather than break the door down, they waited half an hour for the landlord to show up to let them in.
We later found out that her family knew she was sick in the worst flu season in recent history but never thought to check in daily or drive from 2 hours away to check in on her that weekend. Her supervisors were concerned enough about disjointed texts that they went to HR, but no one thought to do a wellness check or even keep checking in on her. The disjointed texts were on a Tuesday and we found her on a Monday.
As a result, many of her friends and coworkers who live along got together and made plans to text each other each morning. Sometimes it bugs me and feels intrusive - especially when I oversleep and panic one of my friends - but I know that there's a safety net. If we haven't heard from each other in 12 hours unless otherwise agreed upon, we have plans in place to contact the police just in case. My supervisor requires that her staff check in every day when they're sick, not because she's micromanaging or pestering (she definitely wants us to stay out of the office with our germs!) but because she wants to make sure that we're OK. While I only live alone part of the time when my boyfriend is traveling work work and I check in with him, I feel much more comfortable knowing that lots of people in my circle are checking in.
Dying alone isn't what worries me - it's the possibility of needing help for days and no one knowing. I'm 30 so I don't feel the need for a Life Alert just yet, but things can happen at any age.
I've been very clear with everyone at work that if there's ever a day that I do not show up at work there is something deeply and profoundly wrong and someone should be sent to check on me. Several of my coworkers live in my general vicinity and have been to my house, so it would be easy enough for them to do.
After surviving a bout with food poisoning last year and missing a day and a half of work (and I'm someone who will not call off work unless I have the sort of illness that ties one to either a toilet or a trashcan) and having them text to see how I was holding up and if I needed anything. I tend to believe that my body wouldn't have long to decompose at my home should the worst occur. I'd do the same for them.
My mother lives alone, but lives in a close-knit neighborhood where everyone keeps an eye on everyone else. There have been a few times when she's been at my house for a visit, stayed a day or so longer than she'd originally planned and I've gotten an pre-dawn phone call from the neighbor who lives across the street from my mother to check to see if everything was okay and if Mom was still visiting with me. I'm so grateful for that sort of community--it's almost better than a Life Alert!
That’s my biggest fear. I’ve read these sad stories online about these people dying alone in their home and weeks, even years go by before anyone notices. Wheather you’re an introvert or extrovert, people are meant to be social beings interacting with others.
I do have parents and siblings. There’s a chance I can outlive all of them. Although, I don’t have a strong, close connection with them, it’s better than nothing.
I don’t have anyone to call a close friend. I rarely get funny/dumb texts from anyone. Not even from my parents or siblings. Every friendship I try to make it fizzles out or stays as casual acquaintances. It almost always ends up being one-sided with me initiating the conversation. I try to show interest in other people’s lives without being intrusive, most don’t seem interested in chatting with me. Usually, I’ll say something like “what’s been going on with you” and their response will be superficial saying “not much”.
I’m not one to chat much. Always been that way. So that could make people think I’m not interested in them. While many people seem to be social drinkers, I’m not. I refuse to drink and drive. I don’t get too involved with social media because it’s a passive way of keeping in touch. Sone rarely post anything.
There’s other factors that I feel have a negative influence on being able to make friends and maintaining the friendships
You do live with your parents. Why would they text you??
This is a funny thread. THere are millions of people living alone who should ask that question. But not someone who always did and always will live with family.
If you mean you're worried about suddenly keeling over and dying, it's not worth worrying about, since you can't prevent it and won't have to deal with the aftermath.
If you're worried about keeling over and not dying, then you can possibly find a buddy - or pay a service - to check in on you.
But, even better, would be to make more of an effort to form some friendships. Of course people are meant to be social beings! It makes them healthier, too. Nothing wrong with initiating a conversation - but try to do a better job. Instead of just vaguely asking "What's going on with you?" - try something more specific. Like "How's your daughter doing?" or "Have you been to the new shopping center yet?" or "I'm thinking of trying some volunteer work - have you had any good experiences?" or "Have you seen the commercials for that women running for state senate?" Go join some kind of group that interests you, and then you'll have built-in topics for conversation.
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I'd do the same for them. 
