How to decline walking my mother down the aisle (children, present, relatives)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think declining to walk her down the aisle is fair considering you don't know the man she is marrying. All you have to say is "Mom I love you. I'll be at the wedding but I don't feel comfortable participating in it since I don't know Mr. Groom-to-be".
Refusing to attend at all signifies you not willing to invest in the relationship with your mother whatsoever. As others have said, the reasons for not attending are selfish. It would be another thing if you knew the groom-to-be was abusive (or some other good reason not about YOU) and you didn't want to endorse the marriage in any way.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that post read like it was from a petulant child.
OP, if you wish to have a relationship with your mother in the future, suck it up and go (and do not sit in the corner pouting because you don't want to be there).
Not attending her wedding (because it's too far, too sappy, and you would have to dress up) would be EXTREMELY hurtful. She not only wants you to attend, she wants you in a position of prominence. It seems important to her.
Well you are right about one thing. It could be a bridge burnt relationship wise if I don't go although that wasn't my question. I really have no ill will towards her but at the same time. I haven't seen them in 4 years and they live 2500 miles away. I'll have to be gone from my important career for realistically a week (clothing, rehearsal, dinner and transit both ways).
Considering I haven't gone back to see them since I left and I didn't really see them then I just left. I don't regret doing so either. Life moves on and life changes. Relationship dynamics change as well.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turntable
Well you are right about one thing. It could be a bridge burnt relationship wise if I don't go although that wasn't my question. I really have no ill will towards her but at the same time. I haven't seen them in 4 years and they live 2500 miles away. I'll have to be gone from my important career for realistically a week (clothing, rehearsal, dinner and transit both ways).
Considering I haven't gone back to see them since I left and I didn't really see them then I just left. I don't regret doing so either. Life moves on and life changes. Relationship dynamics change as well.
A week? My mom got married a couple of years ago. And the clothing was 30 minutes for alterations after I bought a tux. The rehearsal, dinner, and whole wedding was 2 days at best. Though it did help she offered to cover some of the expenses, which I think your mom should do as a courtesy. Don’t be dramatic about how much time you’ll need to take.
There is no way to gracefully decline attending your own mother's wedding. If you want to blow it off, then be honest with her and say you aren't going. But yes, you will look bad, there is no way around it. Since your focus seems to be on not inconveniencing yourself and that you don't like attending social events, I'm not really clear why you care about not looking bad? I'm not trying to sound mean but that's the reality - there are no magic words that make it ok to not attend the wedding of a parent who, despite your limited communication, cares enough to want to have you be a part of the ceremony, when you claim there isn't any basis for ill feelings between you, other than it's just not important enough to you to bother.
A week? My mom got married a couple of years ago. And the clothing was 30 minutes for alterations after I bought a tux. The rehearsal, dinner, and whole wedding was 2 days at best. Though it did help she offered to cover some of the expenses, which I think your mom should do as a courtesy. Don’t be dramatic about how much time you’ll need to take.
I agree, I think one or two days would be sufficient. You could even just fly in for the ceremony & then leave, having done your duty. Your career ( that you appear worried about, taking time off) will be fine with a short absence.
I also agree with those who said, you will look bad, for not going.
Considering I haven't gone back to see them since I left and I didn't really see them then I just left. I don't regret doing so either. Life moves on and life changes. Relationship dynamics change as well.
They do at that. If you don't think you will have any regrets over the negative impact this is sure to have on your family relationships (not just your mom) then I agree it's best just to keep it short and practical, and to do it as quickly as possible so that the family can move forward with the wedding plans without your participation.
If you are truly sure that you do not want and do not intend EVER to have a relationship with your mother & family, then tell her you will not be attending the wedding. Your mother seems to want to reconnect. If you don't want this, then just tell her and don't make up phoney excuses like work schedules.
If you do not want a complete break, then you need to at least attend.
If you don't want to hurt her feelings, then DON"T. Why not just say you are honored but you don't feel comfortable doing it however you'd love to support this important occasion and will attend. Or you could tell her what you told us here, or you could be a liar and say you are too busy and have work lined up.
Putting aside your own dislikes, you either want to support your mother or you don't.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
