Sister feeling the pain of being undesirable, It hurting me too

[Three Wolves In Snow]

Originally Posted by NJ Brazen_3133

She is over 30. She actually looks good for her age. I just feel she feels bad about not being married, and having children. What woman does not want to be a mother?

A lot of them....for a variety of reasons. This is not 100+ years ago where you couldn't make it on your own unless you were married off, and this is not the same as it was 100+ years ago where having kids was the end all be all reason for females existing.

If your sister has low self esteem, pushing her to do what you want her to be does not help. A better way to get someone out of their shell is to stop talking, listen to them, don't interrupt with what you think they should want, listen. to. them., and then participate, if they want you to, in some of the activities that they like to do.

As an example only: What if she likes hiking in nature, but never goes because she's shy, and doesn't have a lot of friends, so doesn't go hiking because she doesn't want to do it alone...well, you could go hiking with her. When you engage in an activity that someone else likes, it starts to bring them out of their shells. It's a slow process, you can't rush it, you can't be pushy, you can't demand them to do things your way.

Ask her if there's anything she would like to do. Ask her if she would like you come along. Set up a day and time to meet, and then go do it. Do that again and again and again. If she doesn't want you to participate with her in that activity, drop it.

But the first thing that you have to do is stop talking, out loud and in your mind, and actually listen to what she wants. Then ask her if you can be part of whatever it is, or part of the process, whatever it may be.

Let her know that you are open to experiences with her, things that she likes or wants to do. In time, and I mean that, in. time. you can start to introduce her to some of your friends. Make it a very casual experience, and allow her the opportunity to go home when she wants to - not stuck out somewhere with people she's just meeting. If it's an hour, it's an hour. Great. Eventually that hour will grow to 2 or 3 or more.

According to you, she was pushed by her parents to be a certain way. Now you're here pushing her to be a certain way. None of you have listened to her. None of you have allowed her to feel free to tell you what she wants. Start with that.

[catzkc]

Originally Posted by G-fused

Maybe...but you'd need cats. Lots and lots of cats.

My screen name doesn't start with "catz" for nuthin'!

[TexasBard79]

All she really needs is for someone somewhere to look at her as something worthwhile. Sounds simple … and it is … and yet so complicated.

[duke944]

Stop blaming your parents for the way they are. It's so simple to criticize them because your sister can't get a date, try being a parent yourself instead of pointing fingers. Most likely your sister would have this reserved personality no matter what your parents did to make her an extrovert - life isn't that simple. Being unattractive certainly doesn't help.

[Dwatted Wabbit]

Misery is an excellent motivator for change. When and if she gets miserable enough, perhaps she will seek some help.

As the old joke about how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb goes, it doesn't matter. First the light bulb has to want to change.