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It would not be hard to find your son. You already know the program he is enrolled in. Nursing students are very regimented in their schedules. Look up the university's nursing class schedule. There's probably only a couple of groups of students rotating classes and clinicals.
When my daughter entered the upper level division of nursing school (Junior year) she was required to have a physical and mental evaluation by a doctor. She was also required to submit to a drug and alcohol screening. Nursing programs are highly selective and weed out candidates for a variety of reasons.
When is the last time you heard from your son? When is the last time you or your wife received harassing calls or unwanted explicit packages? Has he stopped harassing you? Is it possible he has turned his life around after a very turbulent childhood/young adulthood? Are you hoping there is a chance for reconciliation?
How much mail do we receive for him? I'd say relatively little - maybe 25-35 pieces of mail per year. My wife would say a large quantity - maybe 25-35 pieces of mail. Even junk mail annoys her.
That’s nothing. I am looking, right now; at 3 shelves full of mail belonging to a step-son who hasn’t lived with his dad for about 13 years. I get about 1 piece of mail for him daily.
He owns 3 properties here in town: One rental, his residence & then this house; for which he is a co-owner of with his dad.
About once a month; I get mail for step-son # 2, who lived here for two years, about 6 years ago. About twice a year; I get mail for step-son #2’s wife, my husbands ex-wife & the ex-wife’s 2nd husband (who has obviously never lived with my husband, or here).
From 1998-2003; this house was rented out as a downstairs/upstairs rental. I occasionally get mail for the former tenants of both. I also get mail for step-son #1’s former roommate.
The only reason I don’t get much mail for stepson #2 & his wife; is because she was diligent with following up with the change of address forms.
If you were diligent with your change of address forms; it’s the same as if your son had formerly resided there, because he formerly resided with you. Very simple. All of the above maintain their daily lives via their current addresses; despite my receiving occasional vehicle license plate renewal forms, mortgage paperwork & even a few W-2’s.
Who knows?
Yes; the for-consumer people-search sites are notoriously innacurate. You know what is NOT inaccurate? State & County “.gov” Tax Assessor GIS webites.
Many of them have a handy feature where you can click on a Guarantor/Guarantee’s name from a former residence & it will bring up all of their current properties. For free. He did not have to make a concentrated effort to find you ... it was easy. I don’t think he invested much time & energy in this, if at all.
He's also sent magazines to us - the type that come in a plain brown wrapper, and has sent a large, black ***** to my wife around her birthday. With no return address. Amazon will not cooperate.
Yup, this would close my door to thoughts of future reconciliations. He doesn't want your help, not now, perhaps never. I'm sorry this happened to your family. Happy New Year to you both!
First of all, I am surprised that a licensed PI is no more able to find someone than the average Joe with a computer. People should take notice......don't ever waste your money hiring a PI to find someone.
Now, to answer your question as to WHY he is doing this, you answered it yourself and are just too close to the situation to see it:
He does not like your wife so he is doing it to upset her and to a lesser extent you since he also knows she will complain to you about it.
No doubt he was around your wife long enough to know that junk mail annoys her and he has found himself a no/low cost, relatively easy way to yank her chain and perhaps even scare her.
I am willing to bet he makes sure any important mail goes to him in one way or another and the mail he no longer has any use for goes to you......as in, he is no longer involved with the University of Florida so he gave them your address, he no longer uses XXX utility company so he gave them your address, etc.
As far as dealing with his mail, tell your wife to put it on your desk or dresser and you will deal with it. I would mark the mail with his name on it "Not at this address." and put it back out for your mail carrier to deal with, if my name was on it I would throw it away or contact the sender depending on what it is.
Finally, if I was your wife, I would want you to keep track of your son and what he is doing to the best of your ability even though that might not be 100% foolproof. For example, if you could be reasonably sure your son was working and living far far away it would help to alleviate your wife's fears. I would also want you to install security cameras in strategic areas around your home. If the dogs start barking, check the cameras, turn outside lights on, let anyone creeping around know you are aware and either waiting with a gun in hand or calling 911.
I would not do anything to strike back, it will only serve to fuel the fire and motivate your son to ramp things up.
This is the most sensible answer yet.
I do think posters have been somewhat unfair to the OP. Many posters have trouble giving pertinent info in their first posts. I do think OP should try to allay fears of wife.
To me, it sounds like son is getting revenge on stepmom rather well. He has spotted her weak spots and he probably gets malignant joy out of doing what he does. The best strategy is to make the house secure, handle mail as above, and then let it go. This guy is living in wife’s head. Both of you could talk with a neutral party about this, if you have to, but basically, don’t let this person reside rent free in your heads.
If you have an incident that causes concern, call authorities.
Why does he do these things? He receives some sort of gratification from frightening your wife.
How much mail do we receive for him? I'd say relatively little - maybe 25-35 pieces of mail per year. My wife would say a large quantity - maybe 25-35 pieces of mail. Even junk mail annoys her.
My son has also made inquiries to various branches of the armed forces, saying that I am interested in enlisting. He does this every couple of years. It takes a while to get that mail and phone calls to stop. He's also sent magazines to us - the type that come in a plain brown wrapper, and has sent a large, black ***** to my wife around her birthday. With no return address. Amazon will not cooperate.
I'm happy to answer any of your questions. Insinuating that I'm making this up, is really silly. I am sure some people do make things up, but I am a long time member of City Data and my wife posts here also.
In posting , I wanted to know the opinions of some other adults, mainly, about why someone would do this.
As a person in their early 60s, it did not immediately occur to me that most postal mail also arrives as e-mail. Universities are notable in using several forms of contact, so obviously, he receives the same information from USF as we did.
What I do wonder about is how he has a driver's licence since all states that I am aware of require a physical address.
My wife think it's suspicions, and thinks that he could be up to no good.
And you wonder why your wife is bothered by this? Clearly he's doing it on purpose. To me, this is a separate issue from the mail.
You originally said you receive "ALL" his mail. Now you say 25-30 pieces/year. Your story is changing and it is not adding up. What you are now saying doesn't tell me that he doesn't have an address. He does. He's messing with you.
I do think posters have been somewhat unfair to the OP. Many posters have trouble giving pertinent info in their first posts. I do think OP should try to allay fears of wife.
To me, it sounds like son is getting revenge on stepmom rather well. He has spotted her weak spots and he probably gets malignant joy out of doing what he does. The best strategy is to make the house secure, handle mail as above, and then let it go. This guy is living in wife’s head. Both of you could talk with a neutral party about this, if you have to, but basically, don’t let this person reside rent free in your heads.
If you have an incident that causes concern, call authorities.
Why does he do these things? He receives some sort of gratification from frightening your wife.
Yes, but it took him up until after 170 posts to give us a better picture and he was very, very misleading in his OP - ALL his mail ends up being 35 -40 pieces per year! Ridiculous!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
And you wonder why your wife is bothered by this? Clearly he's doing it on purpose. To me, this is a separate issue from the mail.
You originally said you receive "ALL" his mail. Now you say 25-30 pieces/year. Your story is changing and it is not adding up. What you are now saying doesn't tell me that he doesn't have an address. He does. He's messing with you.
I totally agree with you. (Can't rep you again.) Now that we know it's not really ALL of his mail and is in fact, a very small amount of mail, he obviously does have an address.
My parents received rare mail for us kids for 20 yrs after we'd moved out. Just mark it return to sender, doesn't live here. Don't open anything from him. If he actually does anything that warrants a restraining order, get one.
How do you know your son was the one that had the magazines sent to you? How do you know he was the one that contacted the recruiters? (Could it have been former neighbors you didn't get along with)?
Yes, but it took him up until after 170 posts to give us a better picture and he was very, very misleading in his OP - ALL his mail ends up being 35 -40 pieces per year! Ridiculous!
I totally agree with you. (Can't rep you again.) Now that we know it's not really ALL of his mail and is in fact, a very small amount of mail, he obviously does have an address.
I think the OP was rightfully confronted about most of this. But I am cutting him some slack.
His question was “why?” I think we’ve covered that too.
Now its just beating a dead horse.
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