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revenge is a dish best served cold..send him a friend request..if he ignores it and he at least has an inkling of self worth, the guilt should eat him up..if he accepts it, just tell him you have nothing to say to him at this point except stuff it..what a louse..
I didn't meet my dad until I was 18. I had to find him. My mom wouldn't speak about him. It turned out he lived 5 miles down the road from me my whole life. I made several attempts to form a relationship with him and my effort wasn't matched. He never formally met his grandson. We were in Subway one day and he walked in and he stopped to speak to me. My 6 year old son at the time said, "Mom you know you shouldn't talk to strangers". It was a very sad moment. He was a stranger. The last time I spoke I to him was after Hurricane Matthew. We had several trees down in our yard and didn't have a chainsaw. I asked to borrow his and he was more worried about his equipment being damaged even though my husband knows how to operate it perfectly fine. More now than ever, I am realizing that I have given people way too many chances and I have chose to see the glimmer of good in people, instead of seeing them for who they really are.
My point is...sometimes people are just sorry. Don't let him break your heart. I wouldn't reach out of Facebook. I would call or see him face to face. It's a better gauge. If their is no reciprocity then let him go.
Thank you for your comment. I too give way too many chances because i want to see the best in everyone. Unfortunately along with changing his phone number he moved away and didn't tell anyone where he was going so i have no way to call or try to meet up face to face. Reaching out over facebook would be my only option. But i know that emotionally i can't take the rejection if he declines and if he accepts? Then what? Yeah, I've decided not to reach out. Thanks for all your input guys, i appreciate it
My dad abandoned me at age 4 or 5. We lived on opposite coasts after he moved back home to New York. I contacted him at 19 and met half my family who are basically good people: 4 aunts and uncles and 9 cousins plus grandparents. We didn’t really connect and over th3 years I saw him occasionally. He never paid child support so promised me a life insurance policy. This he ultimately gave to some woman with 9 kids. He also inherited over $100k from a lady friend and promptly spent it on his drinking buddies. Yes, he was a miserable man who drank, gambled and picked up women in bars. He died almost two years ago and I rarely think about him.
I am telling you this because maybe you have grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins who might want to know you? His family was the best part and a wonderful bonus. Can you reach out to them? I asked my aunts why nobody wrote or called me. They thought I was okay.
I'm sorry about your father. How noble of him to help out a woman with 9 children while neglecting his own child. What a scumbag
His mother (my grandmother) passed away before he married his wife. I have aunts and uncles and at christmas dinners my uncles ignored my brother and i completely. In the 10 years i knew them they never spoke a word to me. My aunt passed away from cancer and my other aunt cut off all communication with the entire family when her partner died of cancer. My father is the youngest and he's in his 50s. His numerous siblings are all in their late 50s and 60s so they might not be alive anymore. Who knows
While i agree that it's best to reach out over the phone or in person he changed his phone number and moved without telling us. Facebook would be the only way to contact him. I have some of his friends on facebook and he didn't even tell them where he moved or what his number was. I guess he really didn't want anyone to be able to find him.
I forgot to add he never paid a penny in child support and he ran off when he started working after being on disability for 10 years and his cheque was garnished. He quit his job instantly and him and his wife emptied their house and left. After he didn't pick us up for our scheduled visit we called, phone was disconnected, my brother and i biked to his place, someone had smashed the windows. We were concerned something had happened to them because the windows were smashed so we looked inside and all the furniture was gone, the house was completely empty. I'll never forget the crushing pain i felt in that moment.
I wouldn’t bother . If he’s active himself on FB he’s probably seen your profile already or in the people you may know to add as friends section. I wouldn’t open myself up again on any level to this man who’s had years to contact you and be a decent father and try and makeup for lost times. He was the adult for years while you were the child and he failed you repeatedly. Move on and let him be in the past where he’s already been for years.
Sorry i forgot! When my father first started working after years of being on disability he handed my mother his first child support cheque. It was for $10. I'm not kidding. So he did pay child support once in his life. The other time his wages were garnished
My parents have never been together but i always had bi weekly visits with him growing up until he got married and changed his phone number, cutting off all communication because his new wife was jealous he had a life before her. This happened 9 years ago and i came across his profile on facebook and debated adding him. But I'm so scared he won't accept. And if he does then what? I'm worried one day I'll find out he passed away and wonder what could have been. I figure if i add him i made an attempt to reach out and if he rejects it that's on him. I don't know if I'll be able to take another rejection from him. What would you do?
I would add him. He's your father and it will at least let him know that you'd like a relationship. And it will give him an incentive to respond. Time has a way of healing and helping all to grow. Just try not to dwell on the past.
No matter how it turns out it would be good for the both of you to make contact.
You love him because he is your father, not because of what he did or didn't do.
Trust in God to help you!
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