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I was out a few weeks ago with a friend at a club celebrating my new job. This friend has always been pestering me about going to approach women at clubs which I just don’t do because I’m not comfortable with it. But this night she took it to a new level which really p$&@ed me off.
So we go to one room to get air. She points out two women sitting at a table and she is really pushing me to talk to them. I step away for a second. When I get back she has “talked up” the women about me and she’s like almost physically takes me to the one woman. From there a super awkward brief conversation takes place. To escape the situation, I go back to the dance floor..
The night ended mercifully and I haven’t talked to the friend since. I’m absolutely livid that she put me in that situation in the first place when she knows I’m naturally shy. Do I have a right to be since she knows the most about my crappy dating life?
You could have done that at home, but I assume you wanted to socialize with the opposite sex, right? I’m sure you didn’t go there to meet guys and dance with them.
I think your friend meant no harm and just wanted to help you out, being shy and all.
I was out a few weeks ago with a friend at a club celebrating my new job. This friend has always been pestering me about going to approach women at clubs which I just don’t do because I’m not comfortable with it. But this night she took it to a new level which really p$&@ed me off.
So we go to one room to get air. She points out two women sitting at a table and she is really pushing me to talk to them. I step away for a second. When I get back she has “talked up” the women about me and she’s like almost physically takes me to the one woman. From there a super awkward brief conversation takes place. To escape the situation, I go back to the dance floor..
The night ended mercifully and I haven’t talked to the friend since. I’m absolutely livid that she put me in that situation in the first place when she knows I’m naturally shy. Do I have a right to be since she knows the most about my crappy dating life?
My daughter felt the same way when something similar was done to her by my sister. My sister was dancing with a young single guy friend of her son. She walked away and set it up so my daughter had to dance with the guy. My daughter was livid. It took me some time to calm her down. She is shy as well and I don't think people understand the anxiety she feels when put into a situation where she feels out of control. I am sure your friend thought she was being helpful in setting up the introduction and not fully appreciating how you feel deep down. WHen you tell friends your "problems" sometimes they try to solve them the best way they know how.
I would explain that you understand that she thought she was being helpful but how it made you feel. If it happens again you will be forced to leave. If you want her to set up an introduction, you will let her know.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
You could have done that at home, but I assume you wanted to socialize with the opposite sex, right? I’m sure you didn’t go there to meet guys and dance with them.
I think your friend meant no harm and just wanted to help you out, being shy and all.
No, I wanted to get out the house and dance in public. I usually don’t expect to meet ANY people nor do I care.
Intent is irrelevant, she was responsible for putting me in an awkward situation. Her intent means nothing to me.
"to approach women at clubs which I just don’t do because I’m not comfortable with it."
What is uncomfortable about approaching, meeting, and talking to women? And not just at a club but anywhere? What do you fear they will do? Slap you in the face? Call the police? Is there something about women that is so uncomfortable they require special avoidance? What will they do that you can't handle?
When women go to clubs they know men may approach them to meet them. Guess what. They know that happens at clubs and why many of them go there! When a man doesn't approach them, many will feel rejected and unwanted.
"...she’s like almost physically takes me to the one woman."
How could a WOMAN make you go anywhere? Was she dragging you by the arm and is stronger then you? Are you a man? or a boy?
You LET her take you to the woman. If you are a man, you have the strength and power to keep women all around you from 1. telling you what to do. 2. forcing you to do anything (including walking somewhere)
"I’m absolutely livid that she put me in that situation in the first place when she knows I’m naturally shy."
What you are livid about is not that you had to talk to a strange woman. What you are livid about is YOU let someone 'pushing' you into something. This really is something to be upset about. A real man doesn't just do what any woman asks them to do. A man will stand his ground or stay in his seat no matter what women around him do or ask or demand from him. Work on this, and you'll be comfortable around any women, anywhere.
I normally agree with your posts; you've come to know that, I'm sure. But this time, eh... what's so bad about giving 10 minutes of your time to new people who seem friendly? You don't need to exchange numbers, you don't even need to engage in long conversations. Just make some small talk, then politely excuse yourself by saying "hey, I'm going to go mingle; catch you later".
You also said "dance". Who did you plan to dance with, if you didn't intend on meeting new women? Did you hope to dance with your friend? That's totally fine; I've danced many times with my friends who are women. But it's also fun to dance with new women. I, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable dancing by myself in a nightclub. I'd only dance either with a woman or in a jam circle.
Your reaction is way out of proportion to the situation. It’s fine to feel mildly embarrassed or annoyed by your well-meaning friend’s set up. But, it seems virtually everything in your life, that you’ve discussed here, is met with a rigid and angry response. What’s up with that? There’s something so very wrong with you and until you decide to get serious and seek professional help, you will always be compensating for your emotional pain.
Oh well. Stay miserable.
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Did you hope to dance with your friend? That's totally fine; I've danced many times with my friends who are women. But it's also fun to dance with new women. I, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable dancing by myself in a nightclub. I'd only dance either with a woman or in a jam circle.
