Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a distant relative who passed away at 91 from complications of coronavirus. She has had issues for several years now healthwise, so though this is sad for family, its not a surprise.
Due to the HUGE media frenzy over this virus I'm now being contacted by people I have not heard from in decades who have heard of her passing and the cause. Many are just expressing condolences but more are wanting to gossip about the virus and get details about who or who may not have been exposed or ill, etc. There is always a "life cut short " comment.
I'm trying not to be insensitive but 91 is an impressive age to live to...I'll be happy if I make it that far. Her illness was brief and by all accounts she did not have an extended period of suffering. I'm certainly sad she is no longer with us but she had a wonderful life and let's face it, we will all die some day.
I feel as though under normal circumstances people would be more open to celebrating her life, but in the current situation everyone wants to concentrate on the cause of her death. Is there a gentle way to redirect these conversations to accept the condolences and concentrate on the fact that she lived a long and happy life? And that at 91, it's not unusual to anticipate one will pass away?
Just say "I don't really have any information about her passing. I'm just thrilled that she lived such a long, full life and hope that soon we'll be able to gather to celebrate all the great things that happened in her 91 years."
Their life in theory was celebrated while breathing.
Grief is rarely a festive day ....Unless the person created more harm then good in life and folks give a sigh of relief.
Worse thing I heard was when a person of golden age passed and they said...well SHE was old! Like that's a free pass to dismiss the grief or sorrow of the person.
I agree that being invasive of how one passed is crude.
Turn the subject to its rightful place of....'Sally will be missed. What memory would you like to share about her?". Then listen.
I have a distant relative who passed away at 91 from complications of coronavirus. She has had issues for several years now healthwise, so though this is sad for family, its not a surprise.
Due to the HUGE media frenzy over this virus I'm now being contacted by people I have not heard from in decades who have heard of her passing and the cause. Many are just expressing condolences but more are wanting to gossip about the virus and get details about who or who may not have been exposed or ill, etc. There is always a "life cut short " comment.
I'm trying not to be insensitive but 91 is an impressive age to live to...I'll be happy if I make it that far. Her illness was brief and by all accounts she did not have an extended period of suffering. I'm certainly sad she is no longer with us but she had a wonderful life and let's face it, we will all die some day.
I feel as though under normal circumstances people would be more open to celebrating her life, but in the current situation everyone wants to concentrate on the cause of her death. Is there a gentle way to redirect these conversations to accept the condolences and concentrate on the fact that she lived a long and happy life? And that at 91, it's not unusual to anticipate one will pass away?
I totally agree with you. 91 is an impressive age to live to and anyone should be happy to live that long. The majority of people who have died from this virus are elderly. I'm not saying that the elderly don't matter, but they have always been more susceptible to catching diseases than their younger counterparts. If the virus didn't get them, something else will soon enough.
I feel that so many people in the U.S. are so set on living as long as possible that they will do almost anything... including agreeing to risky treatments that might kill them anyway.
I have a distant relative who passed away at 91 from complications of coronavirus. She has had issues for several years now healthwise, so though this is sad for family, its not a surprise.
Due to the HUGE media frenzy over this virus I'm now being contacted by people I have not heard from in decades who have heard of her passing and the cause. Many are just expressing condolences but more are wanting to gossip about the virus and get details about who or who may not have been exposed or ill, etc. There is always a "life cut short " comment.
I'm trying not to be insensitive but 91 is an impressive age to live to...I'll be happy if I make it that far. Her illness was brief and by all accounts she did not have an extended period of suffering. I'm certainly sad she is no longer with us but she had a wonderful life and let's face it, we will all die some day.
I feel as though under normal circumstances people would be more open to celebrating her life, but in the current situation everyone wants to concentrate on the cause of her death. Is there a gentle way to redirect these conversations to accept the condolences and concentrate on the fact that she lived a long and happy life? And that at 91, it's not unusual to anticipate one will pass away?
What really needs to be said?
"She enjoyed her long life. We'll miss her." Period.
Just say "I don't really have any information about her passing. I'm just thrilled that she lived such a long, full life and hope that soon we'll be able to gather to celebrate all the great things that happened in her 91 years."
OP I'm sorry for your loss, and the annoyance you have to deal with now, in relation to it, vis a vis the condolences masking virus-gossip-seeking and such. However, I think, that how any of us would feel after passing the 9-0 milestone depends on how active we are, how good our health is, what kinds of contributions we may still be making to the community or world, and so on. Some lucky individuals keep on trucking, unfazed. I know a university professor who's past 95, and is still teaching, mentoring students, and loves it! I'd love (and hope) to still be active and making a positive contribution to the world at that age. Others feel worn out, and are ready to face their last days.
So my point is, that losing whatever--5-6 (or more, who knows?) productive years beyond 91 to, one might say, the bad luck of a serious virus passing through the community, or anything out of the ordinary--a forest fire necessitating an evacuation and a move, an earthquake, whatever--would, indeed be a great loss. I don't feel the "a life cut short" comments are inappropriate. Most people would prefer to die a natural death, peacefully at home. I certainly hope to squeeze as much "life" and productivity out of my life as I can, and I have generations on both sides of the family that lived past 95.
This is one of those times when people are full of fear, shock even, grasping at straws trying to determine why/what happened/how do I fix this regarding the virus. When it's not even over in a fell horrible swoop like some disasters....but ongoing into what appears to be the vastness of the future.
People are trying to figure out what not to do so they can stop it from happening to themselves and their loved ones. Absolute confounded thing so in our faces and yet so impossible to do anything about.
You are a person this happened to, real and in person. So your friends in their desperation feel they should or can ask you for any small bit of info that could help them figure out this thing going on now.
They don't intend to be mean ...or just plain rude...I'm sure.
I suggest, "We were lucky to have had her with us so long." I often said this when my dad died at 94, and it made people nod their heads in agreement and forget what they were going to say about how healthy and sharp he had been before he got the flu.
Do not let anyone drag you down the road of "She would have lived longer if only...!" or pump you for details. "Yes, we are so sad, but we were lucky to have had her with us so long." Period.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
