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I suggest, "We were lucky to have had her with us so long." I often said this when my dad died at 94, and it made people nod their heads in agreement and forget what they were going to say about how healthy and sharp he had been before he got the flu.
Do not let anyone drag you down the road of "She would have lived longer if only...!" or pump you for details. "Yes, we are so sad, but we were lucky to have had her with us so long." Period.
Yes you have a bead on this type of conversation Why do people do this? Theres no reason to speculate about how long someone might have lived, particularly when they have made it far past what most do.
The whole hysteria around the way she died is really irritating. Those who live in the area she was from are really pumping everyone for details to figure out their own level of risk. A few are really making the rounds on social media
OP I'm sorry for your loss, and the annoyance you have to deal with now, in relation to it, vis a vis the condolences masking virus-gossip-seeking and such. However, I think, that how any of us would feel after passing the 9-0 milestone depends on how active we are, how good our health is, what kinds of contributions we may still be making to the community or world, and so on. Some lucky individuals keep on trucking, unfazed. I know a university professor who's past 95, and is still teaching, mentoring students, and loves it! I'd love (and hope) to still be active and making a positive contribution to the world at that age. Others feel worn out, and are ready to face their last days.
So my point is, that losing whatever--5-6 (or more, who knows?) productive years beyond 91 to, one might say, the bad luck of a serious virus passing through the community, or anything out of the ordinary--a forest fire necessitating an evacuation and a move, an earthquake, whatever--would, indeed be a great loss. I don't feel the "a life cut short" comments are inappropriate. Most people would prefer to die a natural death, peacefully at home. I certainly hope to squeeze as much "life" and productivity out of my life as I can, and I have generations on both sides of the family that lived past 95.
So I'm struggling a little with your topic.
Not to be unkind in any way, but how long a life is "long enough" not to say it was cut short? Personally I think the 90s are a very impressive decade to exit in and again will feel lucky to live that long if I am able. Do you believe that unless we all go decades past the average life span we are somehow being cheated? I'm sure our loved ones would prefer we live centuries but realistically shouldn't we anticipate that most iof us won't make it into our 90s?
Those who live in the area she was from are really pumping everyone for details to figure out their own level of risk.
This kind of makes sense, though, given the nature of the infection.
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Originally Posted by emotiioo
A few are really making the rounds on social media
Sounds like you need to unfollow them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo
Not to be unkind in any way, but how long a life is "long enough" not to say it was cut short? Personally I think the 90s are a very impressive decade to exit in and again will feel lucky to live that long if I am able.
You say that now, but will you feel so glib when you are 90? Will you mind if someone 4 decades younger than you says, "She lived long enough."
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Originally Posted by emotiioo
I'm sure our loved ones would prefer we live centuries but realistically shouldn't we anticipate that most iof us won't make it into our 90s?
I don't think that's what you wanted this thread to be about.
saibot had the best advice. It's a quick and easy way to deal with the endless stream of boorish relatives who contact you.
Not to be unkind in any way, but how long a life is "long enough" not to say it was cut short? Personally I think the 90s are a very impressive decade to exit in and again will feel lucky to live that long if I am able. Do you believe that unless we all go decades past the average life span we are somehow being cheated? I'm sure our loved ones would prefer we live centuries but realistically shouldn't we anticipate that most iof us won't make it into our 90s?
I first would like to acknowledge that these are tough questions and a delicate topic. How long any of us can realistically anticipate living depends in large part on our lifestyle and our genetic history, by which I mean, how long our forebears and others in the extended family have lived. Also, I think quality of life is relevant. My grandfather lived very long, but his last decade or so was merely endured, due to pain and mental decline. He had stated long before he passed, that he was ready to go.
But for those fortunate ones, who are able to stay active and in good spirits, any unexpected event cutting life short is a tremendous loss, I think. Until this discussion today, I had taken for granted that I would life into my mid-90's, and my only concern was that I would be in good enough condition upon reaching my 90's, to be able to still contribute to the world in some way. Now, suddenly, I'm re-evaluating. I'm wondering if I should be taking a long life for granted. But genetically, I'm predisposed toward it. To think I might only make it into, say, my mid-80's makes me sad, like I"ll miss out on 10 more years.
I first would like to acknowledge that these are tough questions and a delicate topic. How long any of us can realistically anticipate living depends in large part on our lifestyle and our genetic history, by which I mean, how long our forebears and others in the extended family have lived. Also, I think quality of life is relevant. My grandfather lived very long, but his last decade or so was merely endured, due to pain and mental decline. He had stated long before he passed, that he was ready to go.
But for those fortunate ones, who are able to stay active and in good spirits, any unexpected event cutting life short is a tremendous loss, I think. Until this discussion today, I had taken for granted that I would life into my mid-90's, and my only concern was that I would be in good enough condition upon reaching my 90's, to be able to still contribute to the world in some way. Now, suddenly, I'm re-evaluating. I'm wondering if I should be taking a long life for granted. But genetically, I'm predisposed toward it. To think I might only make it into, say, my mid-80's makes me sad, like I"ll miss out on 10 more years.
I hope I haven't taken your thread off-topic.
No one should be taking a long life for granted. And a person's family history, while it may be interesting and encouraging, is no guarantee of a long life or even a reliable guide to how long that person will live. I won't bore you with a lot of stories, but one example will suffice: although our dad lived to 94, my sister died of an illness at 67.
No one should be taking a long life for granted. And a person's family history, while it may be interesting and encouraging, is no guarantee of a long life or even a reliable guide to how long that person will live. I won't bore you with a lot of stories, but one example will suffice: although our dad lived to 94, my sister died of an illness at 67.
Exactly. I do think people assume a certain life expectancy because thats a positive thing to think about. But when our time is up it's up. There are people in my family who have lived to their 101st year and people who have passed in their 50s. We lost our daughter as a young child. Nothing is certain for any of us, no matter how much we hope our own story will be as long as possible.
Exactly. I do think people assume a certain life expectancy because thats a positive thing to think about. But when our time is up it's up. There are people in my family who have lived to their 101st year and people who have passed in their 50s. We lost our daughter as a young child. Nothing is certain for any of us, no matter how much we hope our own story will be as long as possible.
I have a distant relative who passed away at 91 from complications of coronavirus. She has had issues for several years now healthwise, so though this is sad for family, its not a surprise.
Due to the HUGE media frenzy over this virus I'm now being contacted by people I have not heard from in decades who have heard of her passing and the cause. Many are just expressing condolences but more are wanting to gossip about the virus and get details about who or who may not have been exposed or ill, etc. There is always a "life cut short " comment.
I'm trying not to be insensitive but 91 is an impressive age to live to...I'll be happy if I make it that far. Her illness was brief and by all accounts she did not have an extended period of suffering. I'm certainly sad she is no longer with us but she had a wonderful life and let's face it, we will all die some day.
I feel as though under normal circumstances people would be more open to celebrating her life, but in the current situation everyone wants to concentrate on the cause of her death. Is there a gentle way to redirect these conversations to accept the condolences and concentrate on the fact that she lived a long and happy life? And that at 91, it's not unusual to anticipate one will pass away?
Well you started this thread, so I will not get on you too much.
While you are correct that 91 is a great many years to live (well beyond the average of about 75 in America), who is to say she could not have lived an extra 3 or so years more.
The record for a human I believe is 122, and there are others who make at least 100. So now we are talking about at least another 9 years to make it to triple digits.
Not knowing how old you are, I wonder if you would be so cavalier about only losing a few more years once you have reached a certain age?
As to your other question/comment, many cultures/ethnic groups treat death differently. Some celebrate a life well lived, which typically equates to longevity. I know of an old adage about living to see your children's, children.
So to some, being able to live long enough to be part of 3 living generations is a milestone. Then again you have some cultures have kids at such a young age, you could have 3 or 4 generations by middle age.
In any event, many people grieve or celebrate ones passing in their own way. Trying to "redirect" how they do so would potentially be like walking through a minefield. Some will see it as you dictating how they should feel, and that could cause a lifetime of resentment.
So if I were to give you some sound advice, it would be to express how you feel, without coming across as being judgmental, or "gently trying to redirect" others.
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