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First I've ever seen. Granted, I do have wish lists, but I don't share them unless I'm involved in a Reddit Gift Exchange and I'm exchanging with someone else. The wish lists I have are either for when I move and I have one for scrapbooking only... though that one is for my eyes only. It's a place holder for me to go back and buy when I can.
The young lady who posted a wish list for birthday gifts last year on Instagram is having a birthday party this year. It's on Saturday. She lives an hour away from me and wants me to come. She invited me last week and said, "I know you don't drive, feel free to bring guests."
Well, I don't have any local friends who drive. I was going to take a bus then Lyft. However, between bills, groceries, savings and not wanting to deplete my money, I can't really afford to do that. I've also never met her in person. She's been in my neck of the woods a few times, but never really requested meeting up. I don't really want to put money out for someone I never met face to face.
She sent me a text the other day, reminding me of her address. How can I tell her plans have changed? I was going to say, "Change of plans. The person who was supposed to come with me got sick. I won't be able to make it." While I know it's not technically the truth, I don't want it to open the door with guilt. Would it? How should I phrase it?
Thank you!
You don't have to make up a story Just tell her you spoke too soon and now realize it's not a good day/time for you.
The young lady who posted a wish list for birthday gifts last year on Instagram is having a birthday party this year. It's on Saturday. She lives an hour away from me and wants me to come. She invited me last week and said, "I know you don't drive, feel free to bring guests."
Well, I don't have any local friends who drive. I was going to take a bus then Lyft. However, between bills, groceries, savings and not wanting to deplete my money, I can't really afford to do that. I've also never met her in person. She's been in my neck of the woods a few times, but never really requested meeting up. I don't really want to put money out for someone I never met face to face.
She sent me a text the other day, reminding me of her address. How can I tell her plans have changed? I was going to say, "Change of plans. The person who was supposed to come with me got sick. I won't be able to make it." While I know it's not technically the truth, I don't want it to open the door with guilt. Would it? How should I phrase it?
Thank you!
I am confused. Why would you go to a birthday party for a person you have never met?
I don't like disappointing people. I grew up in a narcissistic household and blind obedience was key. If you turned something down, there would be hell to pay.
I'm learning how to say "no" and set healthy boundaries, but there are days where it's still difficult for me. I did tell her I wasn't going to be there and I didn't go into health history or any of that. It's none of her business. I would also never call out someone's political affiliation - I don't care who someone votes for. I only care about the character of the person, which again, I wouldn't say that as to why I couldn't attend. Again, not the other person's business. I simply said, I can't attend.
Glad you are working on this, Jess. Put a note on or by your phone that says in large letters. "THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!" When I was teaching myself how to say no I had one of these for a year. It really helped.
No lying, no objections that she can overcome, and no need for you to feel any guilt at all. If you tell you that you have no transportation, she might know of someone in your area that can pick you up. This isn't really a true friendship in my estimation. She's been in your area before and made no effort to see you and her previous listing of gifts that she wanted last year was quite nervy.
"So sorry I'm not going to be able to make it. Have a wonderful party!"
I totally agree with this response. It's polite and, no explanation needs to be given.
I totally agree with this response. It's polite and, no explanation needs to be given.
Thanks! I really believe that if you give a false explanation someone could offer a solution to your excuse (like "I'll come and pick you up") so it's best to just stick to the truth and be polite about it.
Just tell her the truth. "I'm not going to be able to make it to the party because I don't have transportation. But I hope you have a wonderful time!" There's no reason to feel guilty.
I would just say “I’m sorry to cancel, but my ride didn’t work out and it’s impossible to make other arrangements in time.” Since she knows you don’t drive, this should be easy.
Perfect!
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