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BUT there are ppl that genuinely wish others well or like to congratulate them even if they are more work acquaintances than close friend. A small gift does that...especially if you can’t attend or you don’t want to. I have relatives I barely know in Arizona...but I would still want to send them a wedding gift, if they invited us..tho I know we wouldn’t go to the wedding.
That would be a gift given out of a genuine desire to wish someone well. That's different than what's being discussed here, which is a gift given out of some sense of obligation or expectation.
I have mixed feelings on wedding gifts. I've been told that you should pay whatever the cost of the plate/meal you are eating is. This seems so vague. If someone gets married at an Elks Club vs the Ritz the cost of the gift should be different then? Clearly the meal at the ritz will cost more. Basically I've been told that the amount I should give to people is around $250. In some ways it feels tacky. I get that it's a gift and it's to help people get started in life...however many couples I see get married are doing quite well in life, probably better than many of their wedding guests.
I think that's where the whole idea of wedding gifts came from-helping people get started in life. Back in the day it was young people in their early 20's getting married who really probably didn't have much unless they came from a wealthy family. That has changed and most people don't get married until they are financially set.
Overall i just feel like wedding gifts can be awkward. I know plenty of people who simply haven't been able to afford to go to a wedding or be in a wedding (and perhaps some of them really just didn't want to foot the bills, but it goes add up!). These days there are bachelor/ette parties, showers, sometimes engagement parties, dress/shoe buying and probably money on a hotel.
i guess this is part of the reason some people dread weddings. If it's someone close to you I'm sure it's exciting but the cost can still be a lot.
And yes, I know having a wedding costs a lot too...but that's a choice people make when they have a big party for anything really.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
That would be a gift given out of a genuine desire to wish someone well. That's different than what's being discussed here, which is a gift given out of some sense of obligation or expectation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
OP was asking if giving a gift was expected. So yes, there was an element of should or shouldn't.
It’s the same thing IMO. I’m saying that it’s super sad that gift giving has to come down to should or shouldn'ts....because that’s not what a gift is IMO. Give a gift because you want to...or don’t. Gifts aren’t obligations.
Katnan brought up not wanting to give a gift to somebody that she didn’t know & the O.P. said that she didn’t really know the couple. I’ve been invited to a lot of weddings from ppl at work that I didn’t know that well & I have family in Arizona I don’t know too. I would send a gift even if I didn’t go....because I want to, not because of an obligation that is being discussed here. Tbh, what bride & groom would want a gift from somebody that had to put so much fight into it or was only doing it because they felt obligated. Hearing ppl talk like this makes me so happy my husband & I got married on an island...tho I like to think our family & friends are warmer than that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
You could always stick a gift card to where they're registered for a token amount in the card, if you send one. It doesn't have to be substantial.
Ita....BUT there are some ppl that are totally adamant about not sending a gift or a card.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 05-03-2021 at 12:49 PM..
It’s the same thing IMO. I’m saying that it’s super sad that gift giving has to come down to should or shouldn'ts....because that’s not what a gift is IMO. Give a gift because you want to...or don’t. Gifts aren’t obligations.
You seem to be under the impression that I'm saying something different? That's pretty much exactly what I've been saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh
Katnan brought up not wanting to give a gift to somebody that she didn’t know & the O.P. said that she didn’t really know the couple. I’ve been invited to a lot of weddings from ppl at work that I didn’t know that well & I have family in Arizona I don’t know too. I would send a gift even if I didn’t go....because I want to, not because of an obligation that is being discussed here. Tbh, what bride & groom would want a gift from somebody that had to put so much fight into it or was only doing it because they felt obligated. Hearing ppl talk like this makes me so happy my husband & I got married on an island...tho I like to think our family & friends are warmer than that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If you want to give gifts to people you don't know well, that's totally your choice. Not everyone feels so magnanimous. I wouldn't give a gift to someone I don't know well because there is no obligation, and it's not typically a gift I feel called to make.
BUT there are ppl that genuinely wish others well or like to congratulate them even if they are more work acquaintances than close friend. A small gift does that...especially if you can’t attend or you don’t want to. I have relatives I barely know in Arizona...but I would still want to send them a wedding gift, if they invited us..tho I know we wouldn’t go to the wedding.
It's a nice thought I guess.
The problem is, unless you gift from their "list" you are wasting your money and effort. You gift off the list, it will be in their first yard sale.
I refuse to waste my hard earned money on gifting people who already have too much stuff.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
If you want to give gifts to people you don't know well, that's totally your choice.
Tho if one of us knows them well enough that we were invited to their wedding....yes ofc I would send a gift. But it’s not like I would send a gift to a stranger online or on the street.
edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsmom21
It's a nice thought I guess.
The problem is, unless you gift from their "list" you are wasting your money and effort. You gift off the list, it will be in their first yard sale.
I refuse to waste my hard earned money on gifting people who already have too much stuff.
But that’s just it...it’s the thought & the wish behind it, not the gift or how much it cost. Even a card with a short personal note says you took the time to wish them love & happiness.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 05-03-2021 at 01:12 PM..
Tho if one of us knows them well enough that we were invited to their wedding....yes ofc I would send a gift. But it’s not like I would send a gift to a stranger online or on the street.
Receiving an invitation is not an indication of whether it's the kind of relationship that would make me want to give a gift. I've received a number of wedding invitations from people I am not close to, and frankly don't know particularly well, but it appeared they invited everyone they knew because perhaps they view their nuptials as an opportunity for a gift grab.
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It’s not a question of should or shouldn’t tho....it’s a question of wanting to. That’s what a gift is.
Ita....BUT there are some ppl that are totally adamant about not sending a gift or a card.
