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My advice: since she has confided with you all this very unflattering information about her husband and how he treats her, you should be straight up with her. "Susie, when you tell me this stuff about Jack, it puts me in an awkward position because I now only see him in the negative light you have painted. It's impossible for me to put aside the way he disrespects you because you are my friend. I can't just put on a happy face around him. I want to spend time with YOU, but I do not wish to spend time with him. Not as long as you keep telling me this stuff."
Then make her figure out how to handle the situation.
This is the problem with venting about your spouse to family/close friends. They aren't going to rationalize the behavior the same way you do. Family/friends can't wipe their memory banks clear of all the bad stuff you've told them when you decide to stay with the guy.
That's terrific advice. She'll never do it though.
So what happened? Did you tell your so called friends that no husbands are allowed? Did you just invite the friends and their husbands and exclude the other "friend"? Did you invite everyone and the party was ruined? Did you cancel the whole thing?
If people were true friends of hers, they would at least give a go in talking to her about their perspective on this relationship from the outside looking in and from what the friend reveals about her seemingly useless and disliked partner.
For me, I would rather risk losing the friendship and at least try to get through to her rather than coming online and asking for advice. ]
It's clear what needs to be done. Someone has to have the fortitude to do it.
Sorry but it is nobody's business to but into anyone's marriage. Not her friends. Not her mother. All issues must be worked out between the husband and the wife. They are considered one entity in the eyes of God and by the state they live in. There is no his and her. So, again, no one should be meddling into anyone's marriage. That would make them a component in their breakup. The only exception would be someone who is being abused physically. No one needs to stick around anyone who is emotionally abused so let the married person decide if they want to put up with it or not.
Your friend married that guy, so she has to deal with him and if she's okay with paying all the bills and allowing him to disrespect her then that's on her. Just be her friend and offer her a shoulder to cry on if she needs one.
As far as the BBQ, invite who you want and let the chips fall where they may. It's your house so if you don't want the friend's husband there, let her know.
I have a group chat with this one women and a few other girlfriends. I told them that everyone is invited and mentioned how a few couples from my work are coming.
I didn't specifically say that her husband could come, but I didn't say he couldn't.
Right now, just leaving it up in the air.
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