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All of the wonderful times you shared, could you agree these incidents are insignificant in comparison?
As I see it, you were the one who initiated the act of separation by leaving her at the bar and then blocking her and all that stuff. You over-reacted because your feelings were hurt and you became indignant. A minor disagreement with a close friend is to be expected like in any relationship.
Clear the air instead and discuss your feelings with her. It is not too late to do that. Tell her how you felt about the glasses situation and how you felt when you couldn't get served. Then listen.
It is suspicious why the bartender wouldn't serve you.There's more to the story than you are exposing, IMO,it's probable you had some history with the club that led to you being shunned by staff and this is the main reason you usually avoid the place.
Make a note if these odd behaviors happen when she is drinking.
Oh, that's a GREAT statement!
Twice in my lifetime I have seen temperament changes in friends while we were out drinking. They both became difficult and it happened unexpectedly and suddenly. Friendship survived both episodes...
BUT....
In months to come they both lost their jobs because of a DUI. I have always regretted not taking both these friends aside and pointing out what I saw. It may have saved heartaches for them both.
All of the wonderful times you shared, could you agree these incidents are insignificant in comparison?
As I see it, you were the one who initiated the act of separation by leaving her at the bar and then blocking her and all that stuff. You over-reacted because your feelings were hurt and you became indignant. A minor disagreement with a close friend is to be expected like in any relationship.
Clear the air instead and discuss your feelings with her. It is not too late to do that. Tell her how you felt about the glasses situation and how you felt when you couldn't get served. Then listen.
It is suspicious why the bartender wouldn't serve you.There's more to the story than you are exposing, IMO,it's probable you had some history with the club that led to you being shunned by staff and this is the main reason you usually avoid the place.
Yes, I did at one point talk negatively about the vaccine (as I was temporarily injured by it) during a time when everyone had to be vaccinated but i don’t think it’s that.
My friend tells me that bartender is heart broken because she had a family tragedy but I don’t really see that as a reason either. I was served one drink and that’s it. I was more sober than everyone else so that too isn’t it.
Oh, that's a GREAT statement!
Twice in my lifetime I have seen temperament changes in friends while we were out drinking. They both became difficult and it happened unexpectedly and suddenly. Friendship survived both episodes...
BUT....
In months to come they both lost their jobs because of a DUI. I have always regretted not taking both these friends aside and pointing out what I saw. It may have saved heartaches for them both.
Yes, her temperament changes from happy to very sad and she cries. Practically ALL the time. And when she cries that’s when the accusations and mean comments come out. So I’ve made a decision not to hang out with her when she will drink. I’ve seen her treat that bartender the same way a year ago.
Back in 2016, I met a woman who turned out to be a very close friend of mine. We are both divorced, living alone, love cats, gaming and well we just basically hit it off.
The significance of my friendship with this women became great when during the pandemic, we were all forced to go on lockdown. Since we both live alone, we figured that I'd go and spend my time with her (since she has a full house in Jersey with a backyard and I only live in an apartment in Manhattan).
We cooked great meals with steaks, halibuts, burgers, etc., We gamed, took care of the stray cats, watched good reality TV, and so we were set during the lockdown.
After the lockdown was over, she basically started to hang out back in the city with our other mutual friends, and became a little bit distant, but nothing major.
The problems really started when she would accuse me of doing things and when she would find out she was wrong, she wouldn't even apologize.
So for instance, one day, we all went to the beach and she lost her glasses and blamed it on me. Yet, she finally found them but didn't apologize.
Fast forward to yesterday, she begged me to go to a club in NYC, which I really do not like, but I made the sacrifice for her. After the bartender took forever to serve me (yet served my friend three times), I picked up and left. I did so because my friend asked the bartender if she could serve me but instead the bartender walked away.
I told my friend that her mutual friends are there and to please excuse me but I'm going home. She offered to pour some of her drink in my wine cup, but I said why should we have to accept this kind of service. (She stayed cause her and the bartender are good friends)
Anyway, she called me on the phone telling me to come back to the club but when I refused (as I was already on the train), she told me that I'm very negative and that I should become friends with Aga (a close childhood friend of hers whom she recently unfriended and blocked).
I was taken aback. I told her my leaving the club has nothing to do with her, yet she texted: "I will be having Thanksgiving by myself." She then proceeds to disconnect me from the stray cat camera. I found the notification very hurtful as I loved those cats just as much as she does.
I responded that how could my friendship with her be so fragile for her to cancel Thanksgiving over a bartender's service? I then told her that I'll take my clothes and laptop from her house and leave her her keys.
I then blocked her everywhere so I don't know what her response was.
I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what to do. I really loved this friend but at the same time is this petty? I called another friend of mine for advice and to ask if I should get my stuff from her house when she's at work or when she's home, and she said to do so when she's at work to avoid drama.
But I don't even know if that's a good approach or if I'm being extreme!
I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose this friend, but at the same time I'm probably being an idiot.
Have you ever considered that this might be more emotional for your friend that for you?
Yes, her temperament changes from happy to very sad and she cries. Practically ALL the time. And when she cries that’s when the accusations and mean comments come out. So I’ve made a decision not to hang out with her when she will drink. I’ve seen her treat that bartender the same way a year ago.
Are you going to let her know that you don't want to be around her when you drink? I think the blocking was a wakeup call for her about her behavior while drinking, and you letting her know nicely that you don't want to be around the drinking is a further wakeup call which hopefully she will heed in a healthy way.
All of the wonderful times you shared, could you agree these incidents are insignificant in comparison?
As I see it, you were the one who initiated the act of separation by leaving her at the bar and then blocking her and all that stuff. You over-reacted because your feelings were hurt and you became indignant. A minor disagreement with a close friend is to be expected like in any relationship.
Clear the air instead and discuss your feelings with her. It is not too late to do that. Tell her how you felt about the glasses situation and how you felt when you couldn't get served. Then listen.
It is suspicious why the bartender wouldn't serve you.There's more to the story than you are exposing, IMO,it's probable you had some history with the club that led to you being shunned by staff and this is the main reason you usually avoid the place.
No excuse for the bartender to ignore her. I bartended many years ago and we were told not to serve alcohol to anyone already intoxicated, but to explain why. If someone had a bad history at our place, we would ask them to leave, not ignore them.
The "friend" should have challenged the bartender and/or left with OP when she refused to be further humiliated. OP did nothing wrong.
Yes it does!! I was thinking of just not hanging out with her when she drinks.
Hard to know when a person may drink or not. At home, she is free to pull out anything on hand. Out somewhere, she is free to order alcohol at any place that serves it. OP would have to be ready to pull out on a moment's notice at any given time.
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