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One of my coworkers I stopped acknowledging tries his 'cute' game with me - He'll wave, try to start conversations, 'dance' in front of me, etc. Apparently, he needs a lot of attention ... it's not going to be from me.
I mean, I can't help but notice him, but if he's trying to annoy me or win me over, it isn't working. I no longer care.
Well to be honest, he's not being that smart or tactical then. I am not sure what kind of company / organization you work for, but that would depend on the tactics I'd try.
The smarter tactics I would likely use is after you started ignoring him / cutting him out of your life, I'd start by giving complete distance and make the other person think that it has worked, etc. Depending on the situation, I'd give it time. Sometimes 6 months up to maybe even 2 years. Then I'd slowly start subtly working my way back into their life. I'd start by requesting higher ups to be doing the same projects as you, but very subtly and giving other reasons to management (not the real reason he's trying). That would often force communication. He'd also have to change his behavior that was bothering you as well though and not repeat what was annoying you if he wanted to win you over. If that didn't work. I'd slowly take a look at social media and maybe try listening in on your conversations, but look like you're talking to someone else and not listening in (it can be hard to do but I've learned to master that). The point of this is to gain more information about the person. Then I might slowly try and figure out where your spouse / best friends hangout, and try and very slowly go to those places in order to start befriending them but making it seem very natural and coincidental.
These tactics require TONS of patience. They will not work if done all at once. Remember I said give complete space for 6 months to 2 years. It has to be done over a period of time, and very subtly in order to work. Like plan out the whole strategy ahead of time, and you need to think of scenarios like "if this happens, I respond this way, if that happens I do this." The trick is to make the other person think you're over them and have moved on but you haven't so their guard will be let down slowly, and won't be thinking or paying attention to these other things as much. However, after what he's kept doing, it would be harder to employ these tactics, because the longer you wait to start giving space, and the more you pester, the more damage you are doing and making the other person not forget.
Interesting question. No most of these people are completely unrelated to me.
I mean I’m a huge believer that if you’re very smart tactically and be very sneaky and the ways you approach, you can actually win someone over. It can often be done, but you need to be extremely smart, tactical, and patient. Now you’re not always guaranteed to win that person over, but I’ve done it a few times with just good tactics and patience.
And worst case scenario, it doesn’t end up working out, I send the message that they’ll never get rid of me. So to answer your question, I might’ve let go of the feelings if it doesn’t end up working out in terms of winning them over, but I still like to prove to them that they can never ever completely get me out of their life, and it’s kind of like revenge for them not wanting me in it. It can feel like a chess match at times, and it’s my way of saying: “You think you can beat me in chess like that? Well let’s see for yourself if you can outsmart me.”
Many years ago, when I was a kid growing up in school, I’d often force myself into cliques that students would create without any care at all what they thought about me. I knew they were cliquey and didn’t want me there, but I took so much pleasure in forcing my way into cliques just to get back at them and really get on their nerves, and almost destroying the whole clique.
The other thing I always say when using tactics like this is: always know where your legal boundaries are. There are plenty of sneaky things that can be done, but never cross the legal line cause you get in a big trouble if you do that. There are plenty of things that people find very unethical, hate a lot, and could get extremely uncomfortable by, but are NOT illegal.
Interesting.
Seems like a lot of bandwidth that could be spent supporting the life you want to live, rather than playing a game to tweak people you don't care for. But that's just me, YMMV.
I'll admit my most useful technique is just the good old-fashioned gray rocking.
I just repped you for being so completely honest -- it is what I suspect someone in my life of doing and what their motivation is -- but I will say that it is no wonder why some people don't want you in your life. You sound miserable to me, and I think you would be happier if you could learn to lose the hate and desire for revenge. You are intelligent, and I think there would be much better ways for you to expend your energy and use your brain. That being said, however, I do think it is pathetic that anyone's major (or even minor) goal in life would be to be a constant thorn in someone's shoe or a painful boil in their backside that won't ever go away -- and if those people weren't so full of hate and so nasty, I would possibly feel sorry for them.
P.S. Btw, I don't know if the person(s) you are 'tormenting' lives very far from you, but since I moved over a thousand miles away from the person who is tormenting me, and I don't even think about her for many weeks at a time. Therefore concerning the person you are 'tormenting', I wonder if you are truly as much a part of their life as you think you are. Maybe they see that it is you when you call or text, and they just roll their eyes and hit Delete without any further reading. If you were disturbing their emotional well-being all that much, they could just get another number; and if you are sending physical mail to them, they could very easily just throw it away without even reading it. (And if you are physically stalking them, they could possibly get a restraining order although that would be more work -- but would you want to risk having that on your record?)
In general, I am a very happy person and wouldn't actually call myself miserable at all. To be honest, anytime I do get upset or miserable, people won't even notice unless I directly tell them. I am very good at hiding my inner / true feelings. But truthfully, I don't do this super often, and I rarely have people ignore me either. It happens around once every 2 years when I have people want to cut me out or ignore me, if even that, and it is rare. And I genuinely don't spend that much time and energy thinking about it; I don't need to, as I've done it for so many years and tactics come naturally to me.
I am not tormenting anyone at the moment. Read my post above and you'll see an example of the tactics I use. Part of my tactics is that people don't even know I am trying to get back in their life or tormenting them. It is super subtle and almost impossible for them to even figure out.
I don't send text, emails, send mail or anything like that. Those are what most people do without tactics. I often give them a lot of space first to make them think I am completely gone and forget about me, and start a long process as little as 6 months or as long as 2 years after the fact depending on the situation and reason for them cutting me out. Then I slowly start trying to engineer situations in very subtle ways and making it look completely natural or like a coincidence and try and befriend their friends or family. I don't approach them weirdly. Like I might hear their friend belongs to a club. I join the club, do NOT acknowledge their friend until the 5th or 6th gathering unless I get approached by them first, and I interact naturally then. Then after the 5th or 6th time, I introduce myself, and just keep everything natural, until a friendship might be grown. That way I have just befriended their best friend or family member, and due to the period of time of likely a year at least, that person would've forgotten about me and wouldn't be talking to their friends / family about me much. There are many ways one can befriend online as well. You just need to find them on social media, try and befriend mutual friends first, and start posting about things they're interested in and hope they comment / respond, so you can start a conversation, and slowly build a relationship organically.
The point is, these tactics are all planned behind the scenes, but they're so subtle, over a period of time that people will not notice and won't catch on at all to what is being planned and going on.
As for tormenting them, if nothing is working, things I will often do is try to obtain info about them via online or subtly listening into their conversations or people talking about them, and getting more info. Suppose I get info about them applying to a new job, I might try and befriend the company manager of that job subtly, and slowly bad-mouth the person and try to find ways to hurt their reputation very subtly so the manager doesn't know that my intention is to create a rift. Might also do this with someone new they might be talking to romantically or a new friend I observe them trying to make. New friends they try to make, I try to befriend the same people. New someone they might try to talk to romantically, I try to befriend them as well. And I try to go at a faster pace than they're going at so I get closer to this new friend faster than they do.
I've even got someone fired before for filing a complaint to their management. All the info I said was true, but I did slant it quite a bit to make sound much worse than it was. That being said, the reason I was able to do this was it was a non-profit organization that I worked for before, that promotes strong personal relationships as part of their mission, and I was able to really complain about that person to the manager and say they were not fulfilling the organization's mission. I took white lies they told me and portrayed them as real lies and dishonesty when talking to HR.
As for physically stalking, I am a part time lawyer actually, and I can tell you many people think you can get a restraining order very easily. The truth is you need a lot of proof that the person is unsafe. Generally, you will not be granted one unless they did any physical violence to you, made any serious threats, or aggressively stalked you. Many people say: "this is stalking, that is stalking" but in truth the LEGAL definition of stalking is way more serious, and you won't get prosecuted legally unless you're doing things like showing up at their house, following them regularly almost everywhere they go, or being in places you're not even allowed to be in just for them. That is what the LEGAL definition of stalking is, but most people don't understand there's a huge difference between what the law considers stalking and what many people would feel is stalkerish behavior.
Yes there is that marginalizing gaslighting word sensitive i learned as i got older if someone told me that to look at what and why they state I'm sensitive and it boiled down to self serving interest most of the time.
I agree with you, if your instincts are picking up a vibe or a person is acting and saying things that are questionable why hang around them .
Well, in my case it was from family members and others who do care for me, so it wasn't said out of malice or anything, and I think they were all pretty much correct, although I try to be aware of it and not use it as some type of excuse. I also hesitate to bring it up because it sounds like I'm trying to label myself with some kind of "syndrome" or "special class," like I want to be handled with kid gloves or something. I don't. It just seems to be a fact, and it comes up in different ways.
But I can see how calling someone sensitive could be used to excuse someone's own bad behavior.
On FB is just easier to 'unfollow' someone. If you want to see what they are up to, just go to their page.
I've learned that unfollowing doesn't always work because some ninnies post as Public instead of Private, so you're forced to see their ridiculous posts anyway. I just unfriend or even block if I don't want to see their posts at all. These are not people in my current friends group.
In general, I am a very happy person and wouldn't actually call myself miserable at all. To be honest, anytime I do get upset or miserable, people won't even notice unless I directly tell them. I am very good at hiding my inner / true feelings. But truthfully, I don't do this super often, and I rarely have people ignore me either. It happens around once every 2 years when I have people want to cut me out or ignore me, if even that, and it is rare. And I genuinely don't spend that much time and energy thinking about it; I don't need to, as I've done it for so many years and tactics come naturally to me.
I am not tormenting anyone at the moment. Read my post above and you'll see an example of the tactics I use. Part of my tactics is that people don't even know I am trying to get back in their life or tormenting them. It is super subtle and almost impossible for them to even figure out.
I don't send text, emails, send mail or anything like that. Those are what most people do without tactics. I often give them a lot of space first to make them think I am completely gone and forget about me, and start a long process as little as 6 months or as long as 2 years after the fact depending on the situation and reason for them cutting me out. Then I slowly start trying to engineer situations in very subtle ways and making it look completely natural or like a coincidence and try and befriend their friends or family. I don't approach them weirdly. Like I might hear their friend belongs to a club. I join the club, do NOT acknowledge their friend until the 5th or 6th gathering unless I get approached by them first, and I interact naturally then. Then after the 5th or 6th time, I introduce myself, and just keep everything natural, until a friendship might be grown. That way I have just befriended their best friend or family member, and due to the period of time of likely a year at least, that person would've forgotten about me and wouldn't be talking to their friends / family about me much. There are many ways one can befriend online as well. You just need to find them on social media, try and befriend mutual friends first, and start posting about things they're interested in and hope they comment / respond, so you can start a conversation, and slowly build a relationship organically.
The point is, these tactics are all planned behind the scenes, but they're so subtle, over a period of time that people will not notice and won't catch on at all to what is being planned and going on.
As for tormenting them, if nothing is working, things I will often do is try to obtain info about them via online or subtly listening into their conversations or people talking about them, and getting more info. Suppose I get info about them applying to a new job, I might try and befriend the company manager of that job subtly, and slowly bad-mouth the person and try to find ways to hurt their reputation very subtly so the manager doesn't know that my intention is to create a rift. Might also do this with someone new they might be talking to romantically or a new friend I observe them trying to make. New friends they try to make, I try to befriend the same people. New someone they might try to talk to romantically, I try to befriend them as well. And I try to go at a faster pace than they're going at so I get closer to this new friend faster than they do.
I've even got someone fired before for filing a complaint to their management. All the info I said was true, but I did slant it quite a bit to make sound much worse than it was. That being said, the reason I was able to do this was it was a non-profit organization that I worked for before, that promotes strong personal relationships as part of their mission, and I was able to really complain about that person to the manager and say they were not fulfilling the organization's mission. I took white lies they told me and portrayed them as real lies and dishonesty when talking to HR.
As for physically stalking, I am a part time lawyer actually, and I can tell you many people think you can get a restraining order very easily. The truth is you need a lot of proof that the person is unsafe. Generally, you will not be granted one unless they did any physical violence to you, made any serious threats, or aggressively stalked you. Many people say: "this is stalking, that is stalking" but in truth the LEGAL definition of stalking is way more serious, and you won't get prosecuted legally unless you're doing things like showing up at their house, following them regularly almost everywhere they go, or being in places you're not even allowed to be in just for them. That is what the LEGAL definition of stalking is, but most people don't understand there's a huge difference between what the law considers stalking and what many people would feel is stalkerish behavior.
Why are people ignoring you or cutting you out of their lives so often? Every two/three years is a lot. Or are these just relationships/friendships that just naturally fade away? (We all have those)
I've had people screw me or my family over and I experience schadenfreude, but I'm not wasting my time and energy trying to 'get' them. I mean, I guess if I had the opportunity ... but ignoring works for me. People don't like being ignored.
I've never wanted to 'get back' at anybody where the relationship just faded away. Heck, I'm still friendly and talk often with an ex-fiancee who dumped me 25 years ago. Dad was right - she did me a favor. lol
Well, in my case it was from family members and others who do care for me, so it wasn't said out of malice or anything, and I think they were all pretty much correct, although I try to be aware of it and not use it as some type of excuse. I also hesitate to bring it up because it sounds like I'm trying to label myself with some kind of "syndrome" or "special class," like I want to be handled with kid gloves or something. I don't. It just seems to be a fact, and it comes up in different ways.
But I can see how calling someone sensitive could be used to excuse someone's own bad behavior.
Even well meaning people gaslight because they don’t want to rock the boat . I won’t argue your situation since I have no knowledge or right to presume anything. My life experience has been that claims of someone being sensitive when they have clearly stated a legitimate concern is gaslighting.
Easy: anyone who doesn't proactively reach out to me and try to keep in touch.. and I don't do this intentionally. I simply have trouble keeping in touch with people over the years if they don't reach out to me as I'm often too busy so it's likely you'll be ignored if you don't reach out to me. And I'm someone who doesn't need a regular social life or to stay in touch with people to stay sane and feel normal as I can get by by myself (or with just my wife and family) fine. Now if I haven't heard from you for 20 years and you suddenly call me, I won't ignore you by default.
Easy: anyone who doesn't proactively reach out to me and try to keep in touch...I simply have trouble keeping in touch with people over the years if they don't reach out to me
So you admit you do it to others but you expect them to do the legwork. Likely they've already put you on a similar list, since you can't be bothered to put in effort on your own.
So you admit you do it to others but you expect them to do the legwork. Likely they've already put you on a similar list, since you can't be bothered to put in effort on your own.
Which I don't mind since social life isn't a priority for me but if someone takes the effort to reach out to me, I'll usually reciprocate and ditto for those who don't.
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i learned as i got older if someone told me that to look at what and why they state I'm sensitive and it boiled down to self serving interest most of the time. 
