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I find the oft-repeated "I don't care what other people think" quite intriguing, because it begs a revealing test question: since you claim that you "don't care what other people's perceptions of you are", do you therefore pass gas in public? Say, during dinner at a nice quiet restaurant? On the elevator at work? During prayer at church? Or do you refrain from doing so because of what people might perceive about you?
The bottom line: *of course* perceptions matter, and all people with control of their mental and/or physical faculties care, at some level, what people's perceptions are.
You are ridiculous. There is a difference between exhibiting good manners and how on wears their hair. I wouldn't pass gas in public because quite frankly, I don't want to smell it, let alone make anyone else smell it.
I don't think any of these examples are comparable to your hairstyle preference.
You're correct that they are not equivalent. But this little test exposes the falsity of the "I don't care what people think" statement.
The reality is that *everyone* cares what other people think, about how they will be judged by others. The criteria upon which we judge and wish to be judged varies significantly from individual to individual, but thinking folks should spare the "I don't care what others think" baloney.
I love when people inflict their garbage on other people. You care what people think that doesn't mean the rest of us do. I'm very good at telling people to take a flying leap if they don't my life or my decisions.
You are ridiculous. There is a difference between exhibiting good manners and how on wears their hair. I wouldn't pass gas in public because quite frankly, I don't want to smell it, let alone make anyone else smell it.
...but you smell it in private; what's the difference? "Good manners" is about how you are perceived by others; manners are about being deferential to others' tastes and preferences. It is, in other words, an expression that you care about what they think.
I love when people inflict their garbage on other people. You care what people think that doesn't mean the rest of us do. I'm very good at telling people to take a flying leap if they don't my life or my decisions.
I haven't had a hair cut in over a year. I'm trying to grow my hair out.
It is really starting to look long now.
I also been noticing some strange looks from people.
Yes, it is 2008 but I still think there is a small taboo about a guy with long hair.
I have long hair, a gotee beard and around 40.
Maybe the whole package looks odd.
I have a good job, make really good money, yet I'm instanly put into a box.
My question is "Do people's perceptions of you matter"
Yes. Because they're usually right. I once had a psych professor explain that we need to put people into boxes. That if we tried to size each person we met up from the ground up, we'd be so overwhelmed with information that we couldn't handle it. So, female and male have meaning, stature, posture, dress, hair, cleanliness....all have meaning. We start with those assumptions and build from there.
We are shocked when we find that people don't fit our mold but the mold lets us get through the day without overload. If we're shocked enough about the mold, we figure out our mold doesn't work and make another one. Usually we don't though because we don't get to know most people we meet well enough to challenge our preconceptions (or prejudices if you will).
Think about how much information you'd have to process if every person you met were treated like a new, undiscovered and unknown thing. Instead we process male, mid 40's, long hair, gotee, whatever your dress code is and work from there. If you met me you'd start with female, caucasian, late 40's, married (ring on hand), traditional dress.......and for the most part you'd be right. If you then spoke to me for a few minutes, you'd add that I'm educated, middle class and a mom without ever asking those questions directly but you'd still hold all the bliefs that go along with upper 40's, married caucasian female dressed conservatively. That I hold a masters degree in engineering would come as a shock and that I traded that career in for teaching because I want to make a difference in this world another but neither strong enough to change your view of the average middle aged, caucasian female in conservative dress. In fact, my career change to education just might reinforce your beleifs about women like me. (assumed to be caregivers and caring and, hence, drawn to caring professions)
BTW, this is how fortune tellers work. We are very predictable based on gender, age, income and demographics. A few questions, that seem unrelated, can reveal if you're in a relationship and whether or not you have kids. We all like to think we're individuals but what is similar about us greatly outweighs what is different so we keep on making our molds because, most of the time, they work and save us a LOT of work sizing people up from the ground up.
So, we each need to think about what we want to convey with things like how we carry ourselves, how we dress and groom. I choose conservative dress and hairstyle because people don't know what to do or say when they figure out I graduated at the top of my engineering class. You see, women aren't supposed to be THAT smart and we're not supposed to be drawn to professions like engineering. So, I let them assume, based on what they see when they meet me that I'm just your typical middle aged mom and then decide later if I want them to know more or not. For most situations in life, my educational and career success is irrelevent.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 12-28-2008 at 08:49 PM..
You're correct that they are not equivalent. But this little test exposes the falsity of the "I don't care what people think" statement.
The reality is that *everyone* cares what other people think, about how they will be judged by others. The criteria upon which we judge and wish to be judged varies significantly from individual to individual, but thinking folks should spare the "I don't care what others think" baloney.
Relax, or we will vote U back to being a gofer...........................
BTW, this is how fortune tellers work. We are very predictable based on gender, age, income and demographics....
...and some professors who build statistical models that accurately predict human behavior.
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