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Location: Greater Los Angeles area (unfortunately)
177 posts, read 757,751 times
Reputation: 173
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So I am getting pretty tired of my mother's double standards for everything. I will try to make this story as short and painless as possible!
Basically, nearly every time we go to her house, she wants some kind of small favor. Pick up Starbucks on the way, mail her mortgage payment, help her fold laundry, whatever. Okay, not too big of a deal, right? (Even though it happens EVERY TIME.)
But then sometimes she wants bigger things, like asking us to housesit her pet, or she wants to come over all the time. When I told her both times that I would check with my spouse and get back to her, she threw a tantrum about how selfish I am. I don't think it's selfish to place my wife above my mom; maybe my wife has other plans that I need to check on, or just doesn't feel like seeing my mom (as sometimes I don't feel like seeing her parents).
The thing that makes me angry is whenever we ask HER for a favor, she won't help us. We asked for a one-way ride to the airport, so we could save money on parking. My wife's mom was picking us up; we just needed a drop-off. My mom said no because she didn't feel like it. Had no excuse whatsoever. That's just one example, but she basically won't help with anything unless it's incredibly convenient for her or something she loves to do.
So...what do I do? I feel like I can't talk to my mom about this, as every time you bring up something negative with her, she cries and tells you you're being mean. Yet she can tell me how selfish I am?
I am just sick of these double standards and her really high expectations.
So I am getting pretty tired of my mother's double standards for everything. I will try to make this story as short and painless as possible!
Basically, nearly every time we go to her house, she wants some kind of small favor. Pick up Starbucks on the way, mail her mortgage payment, help her fold laundry, whatever. Okay, not too big of a deal, right? (Even though it happens EVERY TIME.)
But then sometimes she wants bigger things, like asking us to housesit her pet, or she wants to come over all the time. When I told her both times that I would check with my spouse and get back to her, she threw a tantrum about how selfish I am. I don't think it's selfish to place my wife above my mom; maybe my wife has other plans that I need to check on, or just doesn't feel like seeing my mom (as sometimes I don't feel like seeing her parents).
The thing that makes me angry is whenever we ask HER for a favor, she won't help us. We asked for a one-way ride to the airport, so we could save money on parking. My wife's mom was picking us up; we just needed a drop-off. My mom said no because she didn't feel like it. Had no excuse whatsoever. That's just one example, but she basically won't help with anything unless it's incredibly convenient for her or something she loves to do.
So...what do I do? I feel like I can't talk to my mom about this, as every time you bring up something negative with her, she cries and tells you you're being mean. Yet she can tell me how selfish I am?
I am just sick of these double standards and her really high expectations.
Moms are moms are moms are moms
However crazy she can drive you, a mom is irreplaceable.
They also say that with age they tend to act like children.
Just think about how many times we would have driven them crazy, since kids, dude.
Do they ever complain about erratic young sons?
But one thing's for certain though, too much attention on mom can irritate the wife
So I am getting pretty tired of my mother's double standards for everything. I will try to make this story as short and painless as possible!
Basically, nearly every time we go to her house, she wants some kind of small favor. Pick up Starbucks on the way, mail her mortgage payment, help her fold laundry, whatever. Okay, not too big of a deal, right? (Even though it happens EVERY TIME.)
But then sometimes she wants bigger things, like asking us to housesit her pet, or she wants to come over all the time. When I told her both times that I would check with my spouse and get back to her, she threw a tantrum about how selfish I am. I don't think it's selfish to place my wife above my mom; maybe my wife has other plans that I need to check on, or just doesn't feel like seeing my mom (as sometimes I don't feel like seeing her parents).
The thing that makes me angry is whenever we ask HER for a favor, she won't help us. We asked for a one-way ride to the airport, so we could save money on parking. My wife's mom was picking us up; we just needed a drop-off. My mom said no because she didn't feel like it. Had no excuse whatsoever. That's just one example, but she basically won't help with anything unless it's incredibly convenient for her or something she loves to do.
So...what do I do? I feel like I can't talk to my mom about this, as every time you bring up something negative with her, she cries and tells you you're being mean. Yet she can tell me how selfish I am?
I am just sick of these double standards and her really high expectations.
You mom is emotionally manipulative, and will continue to be as long as you let her treat you like this.
You have to refuse to participate in these games. When it is not convenient to petsit or stop by to do her errands you simply say, sorry Mom, I'm not able to do that this time. When she throws a temper tantrum you look at her like she's lost her mind, remain calm, but firmly repeat I am not able to do such and such for you today. Don't let her drag you into any conversation about the subject, immediately leave or hang up.
Whenever she asks you for a favor, say, "Sure mom, I'd love to do that, but why not ask Bill? It would be more convenient for Bill, and he'd do a better job." When she asks you who Bill is, look at her with a shocked face and say, "Bill? Your son? Your *favorite* son Bill?" No matter what she says or does, don't let on that it's all a rouse. Eventually, she may think she's crazy, or, if she gets really, really angry and screams at you whenever you mention Bill ... consider having her committed to nice home for senile folks. Tell the people at the home, "Yeah, at first it was kind of funny that she forgot who Bill was .. now it's just scary. I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself if she continues to live on her own." Just a thought.
Location: Greater Los Angeles area (unfortunately)
177 posts, read 757,751 times
Reputation: 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb
Whenever she asks you for a favor, say, "Sure mom, I'd love to do that, but why not ask Bill? It would be more convenient for Bill, and he'd do a better job." When she asks you who Bill is, look at her with a shocked face and say, "Bill? Your son? Your *favorite* son Bill?" No matter what she says or does, don't let on that it's all a rouse. Eventually, she may think she's crazy, or, if she gets really, really angry and screams at you whenever you mention Bill ... consider having her committed to nice home for senile folks. Tell the people at the home, "Yeah, at first it was kind of funny that she forgot who Bill was .. now it's just scary. I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself if she continues to live on her own." Just a thought.
HAHAHA that's hilarious! I think this works even better since I'm an only child. Not sure how the senility bit will work though, she's only 55! Well...maybe in time...
Location: Greater Los Angeles area (unfortunately)
177 posts, read 757,751 times
Reputation: 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
You haven't mentioned how your wife feels about all of this?
She gets frustrated, to say the least. She is really open with her feelings and telling people when she's upset with them, so I don't think she understands that that's just not something that really happens in my family.
I know that she wants to stop doing favors for my mom, and I do see her point. It's just hard to get crazy guilt trips from my mom if I DON'T do things, you know? But I always put my wife first.
And before the mama's boy comments ensue from that statement: I'm also a woman. Legally married to another woman. So there's a slightly different dynamic than a son not saying anything to his mom.
I am just confused on what to do. My mom is overall a good person and we're pretty close, but this bothers me a lot... and it DEFINITELY bothers Wifey!
Sounds like she's lonely!! Does she have any friends? I wouldn't mind doing those things for her, but it does get irritating after a while, believe me I know...my mother lives with US!! But next next time YOU need a favor and she refuses, remind her how you always help when she needs you and you'd appreciate the favor back. If she still refuses, then the next time a favor comes up, say, "Sorry, just , don't feel like it" and smile. She'll get the point after awhile.
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