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So cold and uncommunicative people justify their actions by saying they are quiet and reserved?
It is all in the eye of the beholder. I have been told, my whole life, that I am unapproachable. When I'm not smiling I look mad. And sometimes, I just don't feel like chatting. Some people are really quiet and reserved, and some will construe it as stuck up or cold.
If the person is really shy or depressed by nature then it isn't personal clearly, but if he ,she, or they are just doing those cold and uncommunicative behaviors selectively then yes there is a problem, yes it is weird, yes it rude, and no I wouldn't want to be around such a nasty person or persons?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler
So cold and uncommunicative people justify their actions by saying they are quiet and reserved?
I come in contact with lots of mean and very uncommunicative people. I wonder sometimes what they think of their self. Do they think they are nice and charming? How do they justify their meanness to themselves?
Have you ever sat down with someone who was basically just plain mean and uncommunicative and tried to get inside their head? What did they say?
Below I am referring not to quiet people who want to be left alone, I refer to people commonly (e.g. 90% of the staff) thought of as mean, arrogant, abusive, and who communicate in one direction only.
Do these people have "Mean People Suck" bumper stickers?
Do they get angry when their suggestions (e.g. restaurant choice, who to make fun of, etc.) are ignored or overruled?
Is it because of other people that they're forced to yell and scream?
Congratulations, you have contacted a Cluster B personality: narcissist, histrionic, borderline, or anti-social.
Probably not good material for a friendship or relationship unless you like getting walked on and screamed at, unless you will follow and obey without question, unless unless unless...
Most mean people are not reflective of their actions. Sadly, mean-spirited people rarely change for the better...
So, when you can't avoid a mean person (such as a coworker or your brother-in-law), you have to let that person know that you will not accept their mean behavior, tell it to his/her face - it works wonders to confront meanness head-on.
Last edited by Danbo1957; 05-14-2009 at 03:42 PM..
Well, everybody's talking about uncommunicative people, but I think the operative word here is Mean. They pretty much believe the world revolves around them, and they'll walk all over you if you allow it. There's not much more you need to know about them than that.
Uncommunicative? Well, I buy into the shyness argument a little. But I think a lot of people use their shyness as a crutch in life, which leads to them often creating equally awkward social situations. After all, rude is rude, no matter what the motivation or mentality of its source might be.
The way people treat others is usually a reflection of their own self-worth. I personally wouldn't wanna spend any time with them.
Best answer thus far.
If a person is mean-spirited, they are either lacking in conscience and/or self-worth.
The rottenest person I've known in my adult professional life was an exec at a firm I once worked for. Everybody hated him. What's worse is that he vaunted his Catholicism and always reminded people that he had a lot of kids. What's amazing is that a-holes often are married to someone "real nice," and people remark "how did so-and-so end up with THAT person?" Not in this case. His wife was a real cold biotch, despite having a bunch of kids and running to church on Sunday.
Rotten people: who wants to get into their heads? I prefer to avoid them.
Have you ever sat down with someone who was basically just plain mean and uncommunicative and tried to get inside their head? What did they say?
Oh, heck yeah! When I worked in a bank, they were my specialty. I would work hard to engage them, find out what their interests were and by the end of the conversation, they were my pal. They would become my most loyal customers because I took the time and effort to draw them out.
Sad observation; many of them were war veterans who were just so scarred by the experience, they withdrew into a shell. It was difficult to draw them out, but well worth it. They had so much to share, but sometimes were so lonely, they had lost much of their social skills.
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