Is there ANY hope for a black woman in OC to find romance/love? (Long Beach: how much, house)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm almost afraid to ask this question.... But here it goes.....
Please be honest...
Is there any real hope for a black woman living in Orange County to find love? I'm talking about a black woman who is actually open to dating men who are black, white, hispanic, asian, indian, etc. The race of man doesn't matter.
The reason why I ask is because while I think that CA is definitely light-years ahead maybe some other states/areas when it comes to interracial dating and racial harmony, I will say that it seems to be a little bit easier for some than others.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, everyone always touts Southern California as being so "open" to interracial dating or just dating in general (hetero/homo), but I have found that it seems as though it's not so easy for a black woman out here in Orange County specifically. While it seems a lot of white, hispanic, asian women are able to date many men (of various races), and white, hispanic, and even black men date women of various races, unfortunately it appears as though black women aren't even given a second look.
I'm not originally from CA (actually I was born and raised on the East Coast), and I'm a black woman who is open to dating ALL types of guys from various backgrounds (race/ethnicity/color/culture doesn't really matter too much to me...I go for who the man is as a PERSON), BUT...I can't help but notice the stark CONTRAST with how I'm treated whenever I go back home to visit, vs how I am treated out here in this area (invisible). When I go back home I get hit on ALL the time. I never noticed how much more attention I got back home until I moved out here honestly. Out here, the men don't even make eye-contact with me it seems. I'm practically invisible. Even when smiling it's like people are afraid to look you in the eye or something lol. I know there aren't a lot of bw out here in OC (maybe the lack of dating choices is the reason why lol) and I know there isn't a high pop. of blacks here in general (about 2% last time I checked), but I mean seriously...we don't bite lol!
Is it just me and my imagination? It just seems like a certain "type" is more so favored here (correct me if I'm wrong). In fact, I don't seem to see too many bw dating much out here period. It's hard to even find a lot of bw in the area in general (to be honest), and it's not something I dwell on, but it would just be nice to feel as though you have SOME hope of finding love/romance in your area where you live.
So.....What is the deal with Orange County? Is dating IR still taboo out here when it comes to dating a bw? Is it just my imagination? Do I need to venture out to other areas in order to find "prospects"? OC seems a little on the superficial side (no offense), but again....maybe that's just my own personal opinion that is based on my limited time out here (less than 5 years). I'm nice, I'm friendly, I'm slim, attractive, and I have a great personality. What gives? Am I going to the wrong places? Where do people even go to "meet people" out here?
Honestly, other than the whole dating thing, I personally love it out here in Southern CA and in OC in general, and don't even care to move back home anytime soon. It's not even a big deal to me, but part of me just notices this difference, and I'm wondering if maybe it's something I'm doing, how I'm looking, what I'm wearing etc... I just feel really invisible out here.....to ALL men (even black men unfortunately).
I'm not looking to start any e-fights, I'm just sharing my honest opinion/assessment on what I've noticed out here so far.
Any background info/advice/tips/insight is definitely welcome. Maybe there's something about this area I don't know about.
still depends on mutual attraction, whatever race you are and that mutual attraction depends on many factors..statistics show that most people marry those who are in their level i.e. the rich marry their own fellow rich
In Southern California, the men who are open to dating black women mostly live in LA.
I have a girlfriend who is black and was born and raised in the Hawthorne area; she now lives closer to Downtown.
On a scale of 10, she's an 8 or 9. She has beautiful skin, a gorgeous smile, is educated, friendly, in excellent physical shape, works out 5-6 days/week, has double-D's, a professional job, dresses well, drives a nice car, etc.
Every time we go out in Downtown, Hollywood or elsewhere, men swarm after her. She's a pretty hot commodity regardless of where we go, day or night.
The men who approach her and vie for her attention are often tall, attractive, well-dressed white men. Some real hot-shots, that's for sure.
Even if we go out on a Friday or Saturday night in West Hollywood, which is a largely LGBT crowd/scene, she still goes home with at least 3-4 numbers. Never calls any of them back, though, LOL.
When we go out at night, I always joke with our other friends and say things like, "All right, who's playing bodyguard tonight?" Ha.
One thing I've observed since moving to Southern California is that, at least in LA County, you tend to see more black women dating outside of their race much more so than in the other four states I've lived in.
I might just be a little more dialed into interracial pairings because I used to have a black boyfriend (I'm gay), but I personally observe lots of white and Hispanic men with black females in Southern California.
I even observed an Asian male/black female pairing at Yard House in Costa Mesa (Triangle Square) just last week. I've never seen that pairing before in my entire life - ever - and that was in Orange County all the more! However, I think that goes to show that this general area *IS* more open to and tolerant of interracial dating, regardless of the pairing.
One state I previously lived in, Florida, has a much larger percentage of black residents than California, and you rarely ever saw black women dating outside of their race there. Black people don't even talk to white or Hispanic people there, LOL. That's how I found other East Coast states, too (lived on the East Coast for over two decades).
If you're getting attention in other states, then I'm guessing you're attractive, too. And if you moved to Orange County for a career opportunity, I'm guessing you're also a professional.
Why not try your luck out in LA or even Long Beach? You might have a lot more luck from a dating standpoint just because those areas are much more diverse and integrated than Orange County..
I like Orange County a lot. In fact, it's probably my favorite collective area in California. But, I agree that it's not necessarily a welcoming place for African-Americans, and it's rather racially segregated, which why the African-American population never really grew substantially there.
At the end of the day, however, you have to remember that Orange County was primarily settled by Protestant Midwesterners of primarily northern European descent three or four generations ago and some vestiges from that settlement still carry over into present-day, including social conservatism, racial exclusion, moral superiority, etc. I think this is a lot more pronounced in areas like Yorba Linda, Brea and Anaheim Hills than elsewhere in the county.
Are you open to moving to LA or even the Bay Area? It seems like those areas are more diverse and racially integrated than Orange County, and people in those parts of California tend to be more open to the idea of interracial dating.
Last edited by Bert_from_back_East; 04-18-2016 at 02:06 PM..
Awww thank you. I'm trying really hard not to get discouraged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightlysparrow
It's all online now. There is no more "venturing out" except to meet someone you've screened online.
True, online dating is really popular these days. I guess this is how people are meeting others outside of their area now. Idk....I just never really got into online dating too much. I much prefer to meet people in person, face to face, etc. If online dating works for some people, then cool. I have nothing against it, it's just not my own personal preference.
What do people do if they prefer to meet people in person instead of having an online introduction?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bert_from_back_East
In Southern California, the men who are open to dating black women mostly live in LA.
I have a girlfriend who is black and was born and raised in the Hawthorne area; she now lives closer to Downtown.
On a scale of 10, she's an 8 or 9. She has beautiful skin, a gorgeous smile, is educated, friendly, in excellent physical shape, works out 5-6 days/week, has double-D's, a professional job, dresses well, drives a nice car, etc.
Every time we go out in Downtown, Hollywood or elsewhere, men swarm after her. She's a pretty hot commodity regardless of where we go, day or night.
The men who approach her and vie for her attention are often tall, attractive, well-dressed white men. Some real hot-shots, that's for sure.
Even if we go out on a Friday or Saturday night in West Hollywood, which is a largely LGBT crowd/scene, she still goes home with at least 3-4 numbers. Never calls any of them back, though, LOL.
When we go out at night, I always joke with our other friends and say things like, "All right, who's playing bodyguard tonight?" Ha.
One thing I've observed since moving to Southern California is that, at least in LA County, you tend to see more black women dating outside of their race much more so than in the other four states I've lived in.
I might just be a little more dialed into interracial pairings because I used to have a black boyfriend (I'm gay), but I personally observe lots of white and Hispanic men with black females in Southern California.
I even observed an Asian male/black female pairing at Yard House in Costa Mesa (Triangle Square) just last week. I've never seen that pairing before in my entire life - ever - and that was in Orange County all the more! However, I think that goes to show that this general area *IS* more open to and tolerant of interracial dating, regardless of the pairing.
One state I previously lived in, Florida, has a much larger percentage of black residents than California, and you rarely ever saw black women dating outside of their race there. Black people don't even talk to white or Hispanic people there, LOL. That's how I found other East Coast states, too (lived on the East Coast for over two decades).
If you're getting attention in other states, then I'm guessing you're attractive, too. And if you moved to Orange County for a career opportunity, I'm guessing you're also a professional.
Why not try your luck out in LA or even Long Beach? You might have a lot more luck from a dating standpoint just because those areas are much more diverse and integrated than Orange County..
I like Orange County a lot. In fact, it's probably my favorite collective area in California. But, I agree that it's not necessarily a welcoming place for African-Americans, and it's rather racially segregated, which why the African-American population never really grew substantially there.
At the end of the day, however, you have to remember that Orange County was primarily settled by Protestant Midwesterners of primarily northern European descent three or four generations ago and some vestiges from that settlement still carry over into present-day, including social conservatism, racial exclusion, moral superiority, etc. I think this is a lot more pronounced in areas like Yorba Linda, Brea and Anaheim Hills than elsewhere in the county.
Are you open to moving to LA or even the Bay Area? It seems like those areas are more diverse and racially integrated than Orange County, and people in those parts of California tend to be more open to the idea of interracial dating.
Wow, thank you SO much for this information! The information you mentioned (especially the bolded underlined part) gave me a LOT of insight. Funny you should mention those cities because I have lived in Brea and Anaheim as well. In fact, I used to live not too far from Yorba Linda. This actually explains a LOT. I have always mentioned to my friends that OC is actually pretty conservative (especially compared to where I'm from), and I always wondered why. NOW I know! Nothing wrong with being conservative, but it just seems like people are still kind of unsure about anything (or anyone) that seems "different" from what they're used to. People are tolerant (as the majority of Californians are), but there's an air of "I don't know if I can trust you because you're different" from me here.
For the record, I've never experienced any negative experiences while out here (racial or otherwise), and people are really friendly (definitely on avg more friendly than the East Coast), but I find that people seem to be in their "own world" out here. Almost as if, they don't "see" you. Everyone kind of goes about their own business. Whereas, back where I'm from, people open doors for you, say hello, greet you, strike up conversations (even in the ladies room at times lol ) and just in general seem to "notice" people in GENERAL. Whereas here (idk if it's due to the density in population or what) people seem to be less likely to interact w/the world (or people) around them. It's a subtle difference I've noticed, and I'm wondering if this is also another reason why dating can be a little tough for women of color like myself.
Anyway, in answer to your questions... Although I didn't move out here necessarily for a job, I am a working professional, I'm college educated, I make a decent amount, I'm cultured and have various hobbies and interests, I've been told on numerous occasions that I'm attractive, I go to the gym regularly and try to stay in shape, etc. So, (not to toot my own horn or anything) but I think I'm a pretty good catch. I don't have double D's though...so maybe that's it lol.
I'm open to giving other areas like LA and Long Beach a try. I may have to check those areas out. I usually only go there for touristy things or brief visits, but I may have to venture out and spend more time there. You can get caught up in the OC bubble if you're not careful lol.
Thanks again for the input
PS-- You're right the Asian Male/Black Female pairing is VERY rare indeed! I rarely (if ever) see that pairing...even on the east coast. That's pretty cool though that you saw that in Costa Mesa (of all places). Like I said, I'm open to ALL types of men, I really don't care too much about the race/color of an individual. If a man is nice, he's genuinely interested in me, is a decent guy, then why not?
I'm open to giving other areas like LA and Long Beach a try. I may have to check those areas out. I usually only go there for touristy things or brief visits, but I may have to venture out and spend more time there. You can get caught up in the OC bubble if you're not careful lol.
One thing to keep in mind is that in many cases the reason for some to avoid interracial dating is the potential impact on children. While in general it is not seen as a problem, in the real world it can be. This impacts those potential partners, in your case eligible men, if they want a family as this is a major consideration. For a guy who just wants to have fun, it is meaningless,but for a potential family man it is critical. OC is a bit more impacted by this than LA and it is changing, but slowly. It is a potential problem anywhere, even now.
The irony here might be that people don't make eye contact with you because OC'ers are stuck in a Schrodinger Cat-like situation of not wanting to stare to appear racist but at the same time wanting to stare because you might be attractive.
Personally...and I'm getting way too personal here, this is how I feel sometimes. There's just not that many black people in some suburbs and the OC.
Other factors are that people in certain parts of OC are very self absorbed, dating is mostly done online now and that OC isn't really a urban city where people cat call and ogle.
If you go to say, Fashion Island everyone is caring about not caring about everyone else. Under their sunglasses they're all looking at everyone else. I think your issue could be an extension of that too.
One thing to keep in mind is that in many cases the reason for some to avoid interracial dating is the potential impact on children. While in general it is not seen as a problem, in the real world it can be. This impacts those potential partners, in your case eligible men, if they want a family as this is a major consideration. For a guy who just wants to have fun, it is meaningless,but for a potential family man it is critical. OC is a bit more impacted by this than LA and it is changing, but slowly. It is a potential problem anywhere, even now.
Well, I understand what you're saying, and I'm sure children might be an issue for SOME people who date IR, but my issue wasn't that there isn't any interracial dating out here. MY observation has been that women and men DO date (and even marry) interracially out here in CA...probably more than most states/areas across the USA. BUT....this seems to not be the case with black women specifically in Orange County. I can't really speak for the other surrounding counties since I've never lived there, but I'm talking about specifically in OC, it seems like dating (even IR dating) is happening alright...but only if you are an Asian, Hispanic, or white woman.
And I'm not even harping about IR dating. I'm curious about the black men in the area too. Seems they turn a blind eye as well lol. I just wonder who taught them that? I'll just tell you, it is VERY different on the east coast, and probably even in the midwest. Just being honest.
I think a lot of guys aren't even getting to know some types of women and are letting some FABULOUS women fall by the wayside simply because they aren't white, hispanic or asian. I think that's kind of sad actually. I feel bad for the bw who were born and raised here. I guess online dating is the only option out here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by harhar
The irony here might be that people don't make eye contact with you because OC'ers are stuck in a Schrodinger Cat-like situation of not wanting to stare to appear racist but at the same time wanting to stare because you might be attractive.
Personally...and I'm getting way too personal here, this is how I feel sometimes. There's just not that many black people in some suburbs and the OC.
Other factors are that people in certain parts of OC are very self absorbed, dating is mostly done online now and that OC isn't really a urban city where people cat call and ogle.
If you go to say, Fashion Island everyone is caring about not caring about everyone else. Under their sunglasses they're all looking at everyone else. I think your issue could be an extension of that too.
Lol...well, I don't think anybody appreciates someone staring them down or ogling at them haha. But I'm just talking about even just a friendly glance and a smile, that's all. It just seems like the majority of people (not all) out here tend to not even notice the people around them. That could just be my own personal observation though. I'm speaking as an outsider since I wasn't born and raised here, so I am seeing the contrast.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliBorn&Raised
To be honest I don't see many non-black men dating black women in California in general. The truth is most non-black men (even most black men out here) just don't find black women attractive. This is sad but true.
Well at least you're being honest. My belief though is that it may not be that they don't find bw attractive, as it's more so that they don't see too MANY of them out here in the first place. Because when I go to other states/areas, I get a LOT of attention. I've even had guys follow me off the train to the parking garage trying to talk to me. So what's different about those men (some of whom are of other races in fact) finding me attractive, and the men out here in OC?? What is it specifically about Orange County in general that has caused people to not vew bw attractive? Even with black men...who out here in OC (or CA in general) is teaching them this? It's just very strange imo.
My guess/theory?? Not too many bw (or black people period) in the area, and so people are conditioned to what they see around them. It is a known fact that you find most attractive what you see the MOST around you. So basically, you will probably find most attractive what you end up seeing the most of. Since there are more hispanic and asian women here in this area, it's no surprise that most see them as attractive. I won't even go into the negative stereotypes that are portrayed in the media about black women. That's a whole different topic for another conversation lol. It's sad....but true.
I'm open to other theories/suggestions.... but this is just very interesting. I never noticed it when I first moved out here, but lately I've been noticing this.
Just so nobody gets the wrong idea...I honestly don't care what people think about me (my worth as a woman isn't dependent upon guy attention), but I'm more so thinking about the dating aspect. It seems you're doomed at finding someone if you live out here in OC and are a black woman. I think anyone would feel kind of discouraged if they recently moved to a new area and were single and looking to date, but all you see is people passing you over and not even giving you a chance just because of something you can't change....i.e. your skin color.
I think the biggest issue is that OC is only 1 - 2 percent black, you are a true minority.
But on the other hand, most of the people I know in OC are very open minded and don't care what race a person is.
My circle of friends is very open, lots of interracial and mixed faith couples.
Its even more apparent when you walk by a college or High school and see that most groups of friends are about as diversified as the UN. Race really isn't an issue for most people under 40.
You have to put yourself out there. Nobody is going to come to you if they don't know who you are. Clubs, Teams, Churches, Meet-up groups. Even Match.com - where I met my wife (because most of the women in my sport club, and graphic design group are either married or gay).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's not even a big deal to me, but part of me just notices this difference, and I'm wondering if maybe it's something I'm doing, how I'm looking, what I'm wearing etc... I just feel really invisible out here.....to ALL men (even black men unfortunately). 
I'm trying really hard not to get discouraged. 
) and just in general seem to "notice" people in GENERAL. Whereas here (idk if it's due to the density in population or what) people seem to be less likely to interact w/the world (or people) around them. It's a subtle difference I've noticed, and I'm wondering if this is also another reason why dating can be a little tough for women of color like myself. 
