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Hey guys didn't know exactly where to put this, I'll try to keep it short, but I've been searching for a friend of mine, we had lost touch before I left for the Air Force, that was June 2001. I've been trying to find her since I got settled in New Jersey because she lived upstate last time I spoke to her. I couldn't find her on ZabaSearch or anything. I figured she just doesn't have a phone in her name. Well I was on the "people search" part of this forum and somebody posted about looking for there father. So that got me thinking about mine, and I searched the Federal Inmate Locater (don't ask) which led me to the New York State inmate locater and I decided to type my friends name in since she seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. Well lo and behold she is serving a 3 year sentence. Now that I know where she is I feel tempted to write her. Some part of me just wants to know what happened and hear it from her. We were close (at the time) and I knew her since she had her first child. Our kids played together and were good friends as well. Part of me wants to know where her kids are since she is now doing time. My sister said Just let it go and thank god it wasn't me since we were friends and I chose to go to the military. Another friend said, what makes you think she wants to hear from you since you are doing good on the "outside". I don't know I'm torn, she was just one of those people that always crossed my mind like "I wonder how she is doing". Now that I know how she is doing (pretty badly) I just feel compelled to write her. Even if we speak or exchange one letter. I don't know what do you guys think? Should I just let it go since I didn't speak to her in years? Another part of me thinks I'm sure she would love to hear my voice after so long, I mean she can't cause me any trouble or anything she's in there to 2009. I just can't stop thinking of her kids and all these memories of her is now crossing my mind. I still have some pictures of her somewhere it's crazy. I'm a married female by the way this wouldn't be a prison romantic interest in case your wondering. I'm willing to hear all sides by the way. Thanks
If your dwelling about it soo much write her. However, be ready for possibly drama that you dont necessarily need, colllect calls, favors, maybe even keeping her children. Who knows?? Maybe she will be so happy tohear from you and bring you no grief and you will be an uplifting thought for her. Im sure letters will be welcoming to her. I would probably write but I'm a softie. Good luck!!!
north, ,,,when reading that, i thought you were coming from a guys perspective (til the last paragraph) and thought to myself, why not,,go ahead and write her,,,
however, because you are female, id want to know how and why she is there.
i had a friend, in a similar situation,,,she was ,,being nice, reached out to her old friend, an inmate,,,and the inmate at first,,,acted surprised, happy, for the letter, then cried on her shoulder, ended up moving in with her,,then, because of drugs, robbed her blind and skipped town,,
if the urge to write her is that intense, then a simple letter may not hurt,,,and leave it at that (her reply) just be really careful!
Be safe. Think this through. Ask yourself, "What's the worst thing that can happen?" Think about your mental health (do you really need to hear from this person if she turns out to be a loser/whinner/needy person) Then ask yourself, what if I Pee her off and tell her NO (to anything, like loan her money, check on her kids, etc) Would she/ could she do harm to YOU or worse your own children? Then finally, if you really feel the need or you cannot resist the curiosity to contact this old friend in JAIL, prepare yourself for the worse & get yourself a PO BOX. Do not give out your real address or telephone #.
Do you have any friends in the field of Law Enforcement? Ask them for their opinion on this idea of yours. I vote NO. Don't do it. Leave well enough alone.
I must be in the minority here. I say that if you were good enough friends, that the only charitable thing to do would be to write her. Prison is probably the last place she wants to be. It can be very lonely in a cell. Knowing that someone cares enough to write and say I DO care, could be the thing she needs to get through her day.
Becoming a target for a sponge is another thing. Let her know that she has your continuing hopes for a better life, and let her know that she is in your prayers (if you pray).
Bringing solace to prisoners is one of the Christian virtues. Take care of yourself and let your conscience be your guide.
Yeah your right NewHomeHappy, I mean our lives have become two totally opposite ends of the spectrum, me Military, married, 3 year old daughter, brought first house, honorable discharge from military and hers STATE PRISON. I guess it wouldn't make sense for me to even talk to her. What would I say tell her how I'M doing, It's just crazy how two people who were friends can go in totally opposite directions. Yeah I don't need the drama it can cause. I will leave it alone. I mean I've ceased friendships with people who are doing well for that matter, no fault, we just grew apart, so I will definately let this go. That was a totally different time in my life. OH well it just saddens me in a way I guess, I mean we were real close we LIVED together at one point, and even when she first moved upstate NY, she called me all the time and even drove down to visit, and took me out on my birthday, I still have the photos, and she wished me Good Luck when I was going in the military. Well thanks for the opinions I appreciate it.
Hey guys didn't know exactly where to put this, I'll try to keep it short, but I've been searching for a friend of mine, we had lost touch before I left for the Air Force, that was June 2001. I've been trying to find her since I got settled in New Jersey because she lived upstate last time I spoke to her. I couldn't find her on ZabaSearch or anything. I figured she just doesn't have a phone in her name. Well I was on the "people search" part of this forum and somebody posted about looking for there father. So that got me thinking about mine, and I searched the Federal Inmate Locater (don't ask) which led me to the New York State inmate locater and I decided to type my friends name in since she seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. Well lo and behold she is serving a 3 year sentence. Now that I know where she is I feel tempted to write her. Some part of me just wants to know what happened and hear it from her. We were close (at the time) and I knew her since she had her first child. Our kids played together and were good friends as well. Part of me wants to know where her kids are since she is now doing time. My sister said Just let it go and thank god it wasn't me since we were friends and I chose to go to the military. Another friend said, what makes you think she wants to hear from you since you are doing good on the "outside". I don't know I'm torn, she was just one of those people that always crossed my mind like "I wonder how she is doing". Now that I know how she is doing (pretty badly) I just feel compelled to write her. Even if we speak or exchange one letter. I don't know what do you guys think? Should I just let it go since I didn't speak to her in years? Another part of me thinks I'm sure she would love to hear my voice after so long, I mean she can't cause me any trouble or anything she's in there to 2009. I just can't stop thinking of her kids and all these memories of her is now crossing my mind. I still have some pictures of her somewhere it's crazy. I'm a married female by the way this wouldn't be a prison romantic interest in case your wondering. I'm willing to hear all sides by the way. Thanks
I would. It is just my opinion, but if you cared enough to look her up- maybe she needs a friend right now. God knows, in today's society, a little caring goes a long way.
I think it would be all right to follow your heart; however, as other posters have mentioned, you probably should prepare yourself for some drama. There could be favors asked, EXPENSIVE collect phone calls made to you (which, of course, you could just not pick up on using your Caller ID), but still . . . there is no way that bringing this woman back into your life is not going to shake your life up a bit. You're a good person for looking for your old friend and for now considering making contact with her. Good luck in whatever you choose.
I wouldn't write but if I just HAD to know, I'd try to locate mutual friends or her family and find out from them and then take it from there but most likely I'd move forward with my life and make new friends that I now have common interests with and just keep those other good times in the past.
Can't you just try to take a middle ground first. Why does it have to be write or not write.
Can't you attempt to learn as much as possible about her case and what were the circumstances involved. Maybe more about what her general state of affairs are now.
Just because a person is in prison does not automatically mean they were guilty of anything. That criminal injustice system has a very wide net.
Barry Scheck (Project Innocence) has stated the wrongful conviction rates are in the range of 15 - 25% and there is usually something wrong with at least 50% of all cases in some manner.
So many, many person are wrongful convicted even in capital cases that anyone must give pause in judgement. Would you buy an product from a company with a defect rate as large as the injustice system. I doubt it.
Even if she does deserve to be there, we all make mistakes. But the advice about what you could be getting in for if her life has taken a real tumble can be true too. The injustice system has a unique way of making good people a tad down in the ditch into real criminals for the rest of their life.
A middle cautious road might be the best course of action. You might even be able to do it via email or via third parties and remain anonymous or unreachable in some manner.
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Hey guys didn't know exactly where to put this, I'll try to keep it short, but I've been searching for a friend of mine, we had lost touch before I left for the Air Force, that was June 2001. I've been trying to find her since I got settled in New Jersey because she lived upstate last time I spoke to her. I couldn't find her on ZabaSearch or anything. I figured she just doesn't have a phone in her name. Well I was on the "people search" part of this forum and somebody posted about looking for there father. So that got me thinking about mine, and I searched the Federal Inmate Locater (don't ask) which led me to the New York State inmate locater and I decided to type my friends name in since she seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. Well lo and behold she is serving a 3 year sentence. Now that I know where she is I feel tempted to write her. Some part of me just wants to know what happened and hear it from her. We were close (at the time) and I knew her since she had her first child. Our kids played together and were good friends as well. Part of me wants to know where her kids are since she is now doing time. My sister said Just let it go and thank god it wasn't me since we were friends and I chose to go to the military. Another friend said, what makes you think she wants to hear from you since you are doing good on the "outside". I don't know I'm torn, she was just one of those people that always crossed my mind like "I wonder how she is doing". Now that I know how she is doing (pretty badly) I just feel compelled to write her. Even if we speak or exchange one letter. I don't know what do you guys think? Should I just let it go since I didn't speak to her in years? Another part of me thinks I'm sure she would love to hear my voice after so long, I mean she can't cause me any trouble or anything she's in there to 2009. 
I just can't stop thinking of her kids and all these memories of her is now crossing my mind. I still have some pictures of her somewhere it's crazy. I'm a married female by the way this wouldn't be a prison romantic interest in case your wondering. 
I'm willing to hear all sides by the way. Thanks
you never know
Be safe
well-
