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You are going to run into all kinds of people who are different than you while your kids grow up. And so are they. Learning to get along with people and accept their differences is a valuable thing. I don't think you should "not allow" them to play with kids who have a different background from you. Nor do I think you should change who you are to be more acceptable to them. Invite them to play at your house, if they don't come they don't come...you can't control their actions but unless you fear for your child's safety, I don't see any reason to not allow them to play together.
Very well said!
I don't know what difference it makes to the OP that you are a working mom, and the other mom is a SAHM, or that you are Republicans and they aren't etc. I think those are separate issues. There are certainly many differences between your two families, but I think you are focusing on some of them a little too closely. A little variety can make a friendship more interesting.
I don't know what difference it makes to the OP that you are a working mom, and the other mom is a SAHM, or that you are Republicans and they aren't etc. I think those are separate issues. There are certainly many differences between your two families, but I think you are focusing on some of them a little too closely. A little variety can make a friendship more interesting.
It doesn't make a difference to me, I am just wondering if it does to them and to what degree. I want to be friends with them and i think it would be great for my DD to have a next door playmate.
but like some other posters brought up, these people could deem me or my daughter not the' right type' to associate with - I want to avoid the situation posted previously where the homeschool mom told the child that her kid couldn't play with with him anymore. That would really suck!
Last edited by rya700; 08-06-2010 at 02:37 PM..
Reason: additional thought
That's pretty much my sister in law..... you are right, in that situation, you can't avoid stepping on toes no matter how hard you try. We are the black sheep of the family. I think we end up smashing toes, but not purposefully.
I was really glad when they moved but the damage had been done to my son and his self esteem. There was no explanation I could give to him about her actions.
Once she stopped letting them play her son became a bully and there was a lot of meanness because the child had learned another persons feelings don't matter.
I was appalled that a child's feelings didn't matter.
I agree Jazzymom.....it would be really traumatic for a child to have a friendship cut off like that and for him to not know what he did and it possibly could have been b/c of your beliefs but who knows which one. I hope to be friends with these people next door but I feel that a similar situation could happen, thanks for sharing.
As a fairly conservative Christian homeschooling mom, I don't really see the problem. My kids can and do play with the children in the neighborhood. While the rule is that they can't go inside someone else's house if I don't know the parents fairly well, I don't put any restrictions on which kids they play with outside (assuming the kids are not troublemakers/bullies, of course). Working moms, single moms, kids being raised by grandma, it doesn't matter. I certainly don't quiz the other moms on their political or religious beliefs!
I don't see any reason for you to not let the children play at your house, or to restrict your own kids from playing with them. I don't know why simply having the Simpsons movie in your home would be any reason for the other mom to not let them go over to your house, unless the child said that they watched it. Another reason might have been that they were not supposed to be in someone else's house in the first place. If the mom does not want them in your house, though, then just let them play outside instead.
It doesn't make a difference to me, I am just wondering if it does to them and to what degree. I want to be friends with them and i think it would be great for my DD to have a next door playmate.
but like some other posters brought up, these people could deem me or my daughter not the' right type' to associate with - I want to avoid the situation posted previously where the homeschool mom told the child that her kid couldn't play with with him anymore. That would really suck!
This seems a little backwards to me. There is no guarantee going into any relationship that it is going to work out, friends, coworkers, neighbors, dating, etc....regardless of religious preferences or how messy your house is or that you work and she gardens. Avoiding the situation because of what you think could happen doesn't make sense. You could get into a car accident on the way to the grocery store...do you still risk it? The neighbor kids might not like you...so don't make friends.
This is how kids learn about people. Don't deny them the opportunity to succeed or feel the sting of failure or rejection. Sometimes other families won't want their kids to hang around your kids and I'd be that there are some families out there that you don't want your kids hanging around with either.
Give it a chance, you might be worrying about nothing at all. What's that saying....don't look for worry...or something like that.
FWIW....when we home schooled our kids were friends with other home schoolers of various religious preferences (including none at all) and public school kids of all sorts. It was never a problem at all. There was only one family that we chose not to continue associating with and that was because the kids were monsters, mom didn't have a backbone and couldn't discipline them. My kids really didn't enjoy their company at all. I felt bad because I don't think they had many friends but it really was intolerable. So be it.
Why don't you talk to her about what is and is not okay for her children to do/watch/play? Use the Simpson movie as a starting point. Something like, "Linda, David was over here the other day and saw our movie selection. He pointed out some that he couldn't watch, which made me realize that I'm not sure what guidelines you have in your house and if there are foods he shouldn't eat or things like that." It is an innocent enough conversation to start. And don't hold the other mom up on a pedestal. She is only a supermom if you give her that title. It might be quite hard for her to keep up her house. She may have other help you don't see, etc.
In this forum, we hear so much about kids or families with problems. We hear about dodgy neighbours.
Here we have what must be close on the best neighbours out. The neighbours that you would dream of having. If the have any loud parties they probably are all over and tucked up in bed by 8pm.
My suspicion is that they are confident enough in their way of life that if you tread on their toes so to speak that they will live through it. How about getting to know them so that when there is a disagreement, you are better placed to sort it out.
We have in our house pretty high standards of behaviour. I never thought that some parents would worry about treading on toes. Sure we have kids visit us who have a lot more freedom and who's parents do things that we do not agree with. Sometimes kids will tell us as much. In the late afternoon or when there is a sleepover and the kids are switching TV channels, sometimes a visiting kid will tell us that he is allowed to watch something that our kids are not allowed to watch. I do not see that as a treading on toes.
The OP's mentioned that she was home schooled and that her mom limited who she associated with. I am not sure what the problem is here. Their kids have already been up to your house. They sound pretty reasonable to me.
but like some other posters brought up, these people could deem me or my daughter not the' right type' to associate with - I want to avoid the situation posted previously where the homeschool mom told the child that her kid couldn't play with with him anymore. That would really suck!
I understand your fears completely, this happened twice to my dd when she was growing up. The worst loss was her best friend because I couldn't co-lead the brownie troop with the girl's mother. The mother was angry, and refused to allow her dd to associate with mine ever again. Very childish. Another friendship was nipped early in the bud when the mother of my dd's new friend found out we weren't Catholic. Unfortunately, these types of situations come up sometimes in life. Yes, it was painful to my dd, and she still harbors some resentment, but it was a learning experience for her.
Just curious, what reason would you give your kids, as well as the neighbors, about why you don't want to associate with them? At the very least, it would be awkward, and still potentially hurtful.
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