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Hm. I don't think it's appropriate for a mom to NOT know where her 13-year-old is, within reason. Now, this greatly depends on circumstances... if you know that there are 3 houses in the neighborhood who all of the children rotate between, then I think it's fine to say "you can go to Sarah's or Julie's or Becky's house, so long as their moms are home." I would not accept a young teen leaving the house without me knowing where she was going, though, and if Julie's mom wanted to take all of the girls for ice cream, then my daughter had better call and let me know before leaving the neighborhood! Also, if we lived in an area where there were 50 families that we knew, then yeah, I'd need her to be more specific when she says she's going to a friend's house.
The not answering the cellphone is another issue. It would not fly here. If I get you a cellphone so that I can reach you, then you need to answer it when I call, OR at least text/call back within a few minutes. My teen prefers texting, I think because she does not have to call and say out loud in front of her friends, "We're going to go out for dinner and I'll be home at 9:00, okay?" She can just text me and I can text back "ok." I get that, and it's fine, but if she just didn't call and didn't come home, then that would be a way different story!
I think that you have more problems than this...the issues I see, are that she is actively hiding from you, and willfully breaking rules. I would relax on the rules, and then it takes all the fun out of being rebellious. I did not have these problems with my kids, they were always too busy doing homework, practicing piano, playing basketball...was I just lucky? Why doesn't she want to be home more? My kids were always home, with their friends...and their dogs...eating all the food in the house! I wish they had gone out more!
I agree there may be other issues but I don't know enough about this family to say that - however I wouldn't suggest that the child be told that because she won't pick up the phone calls from her mother and doesn't obey the curfew that mom is now going to loosen up and have few or no rules.
Even 7 pm isn't unreasonable for a 13 year old to be home, especially on school nights. A 13 year old should be able to get their socializing done in the daytime.
I don't believe the problem is in having rules - I've seen kids with strict parents turn out fine, and also kids with lenient parents turn out fine.
I'm like you except I had all these rules but little chance to enforce them. My more social kids just brought all their friends to my house and they hung out here or they don't prefer to socialize much outside the family.
I can say I know where my 15 and 18 year old are at all times and they answer their cell phones when I call them, even though they have limited minutes. One time the 18 year old didn't pickup but he was driving, headed home so couldn't answer.
I really don't understand the need for 13 year olds to be out and about and the parents have no idea where they might be or when they might be coming home. To me that's just too young to be making their own rules.
I didn't have a cell phone when I was 13, I wish I had of, they even had them then too. Granted Nokia was like the major manufacturer and flip phones were JUST coming out, this was like 2001 but anyways....
I never checked in with my mom that much.
If I went over to a friends house and we decided to run up to kohls I didn't run home first and then ask and then go over to kohls, (It was literally right next to where I lived). ALL my friends and I lived in apartments, I had ONE friend who lived in a neighborhood but my BEST friends all lived in neighboring complexes and we would go from one to another and back to someone elses house and I never called my mom to let her know the change, she never asked me to.
Even as I got older and got a cell phone at around 14/15+, it was still just checking in every once in awhile, like she'd call or text me and ask me how I was doing but if I had checked in on EVERY move I would have been texting my mom about 15 times a day just for location changes.
And at 17, she hardly ever saw me, I was either a blur and leaving the house or in and out with friends and never home.
If I moved back home now with my car and stuff, she wouldn't ever know where I was and I know she would start asking again.
Yep! In addition to being able to see a google type map showing the exact GPS location of the child at any time, the Verizon plan only costs $20 to add an additional family member for unlimited texting and calling. I don't understand why the OP needs to control who the child calls and who the child receives calls from to keep the bill managable. With unlimited texting and calling for only $20 on Verizon there's no worries about the bill. Plus, she can see where her daughter is at anytime without 'pinging' her.
We have Verizon with Family Locator for my son's phone - and he has a 'cool' phone. It sends the phone (his) a text when I check his location manually - I've spoken with Verizon and although they advertise that it doesn't have to send this text, they don't have the capability yet of preventing it. But it won't send them the text during scheduled checks - ie when they leave/enter a certain distance from our home.
This isn't a new problem for the OP - she's had problems with her disrespectful children in other threads too. She isn't looking for advice, just pity.
Yep! In addition to being able to see a google type map showing the exact GPS location of the child at any time, the Verizon plan only costs $20 to add an additional family member for unlimited texting and calling. I don't understand why the OP needs to control who the child calls and who the child receives calls from to keep the bill managable. With unlimited texting and calling for only $20 on Verizon there's no worries about the bill. Plus, she can see where her daughter is at anytime without 'pinging' her.
We have Verizon with Family Locator for my son's phone - and he has a 'cool' phone. It sends the phone (his) a text when I check his location manually - I've spoken with Verizon and although they advertise that it doesn't have to send this text, they don't have the capability yet of preventing it. But it won't send them the text during scheduled checks - ie when they leave/enter a certain distance from our home.
This isn't a new problem for the OP - she's had problems with her disrespectful children in other threads too. She isn't looking for advice, just pity.
I agree- I've given up on trying to help her because she's deadset on her ways (which clearly aren't working). I sure hope she wakes up one day and realizes SHE'S the problem, not the kids. Sure, the kids being disrespectful little twits isn't okay, but clearly they got it from someone, it's pretty obvious who.
I can't imagine constantly being SO annoyed with my kids..in fact, I don't think I've ever seen this lady post a single positive thing about either of them!
I agree- I've given up on trying to help her because she's deadset on her ways (which clearly aren't working). I sure hope she wakes up one day and realizes SHE'S the problem, not the kids. Sure, the kids being disrespectful little twits isn't okay, but clearly they got it from someone, it's pretty obvious who.
I can't imagine constantly being SO annoyed with my kids..in fact, I don't think I've ever seen this lady post a single positive thing about either of them!
I couldn't agree more. I get frustrated with my kids sometimes, but I love them so much that the frustration melts away and the love shines through. I teach them how to behave and how to be consiterate. I couldn't live in the constant state of annoyance the OP lives in. I wouldn't make my children live there either. If the OP speaks to her kids as she speaks of them, they may have very well given up on trying to please her.
I agree- I've given up on trying to help her because she's deadset on her ways (which clearly aren't working). I sure hope she wakes up one day and realizes SHE'S the problem, not the kids. Sure, the kids being disrespectful little twits isn't okay, but clearly they got it from someone, it's pretty obvious who.
I can't imagine constantly being SO annoyed with my kids..in fact, I don't think I've ever seen this lady post a single positive thing about either of them!
One of them manages to keep within their budgeted lunch allowance - does that count?!
OP I don't know why you don't just ground her. You didn't mention there being any kind of punishment for her not obeying your rules. Take her cellphone away outside of when you think she 'needs' it - during school hours I guess.
I believe the dd's behavior is a direct result of years of crappy parenting by the OP. She is a product of her dysfunctional environment.
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