advice on how to get a 2.5 year old toddler to cooperate in bed time (teaching, parents)
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Well for the most part we do let her cry it out, but it really concerns me. Yes you are right it is pure torture. I mean we will be sleeping at night and she will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and cry. sometimes we can tell her to go back to bed w/o getting up and it works. Othertimes such as last night she would not go back to sleep and would scream and kick and cry and throw fits. And when she throws fits, she often gets into what I would call a pure rage. Last night she wanted a sucker.
Before we put her to bed she was jumping on the couch which we do not want or let her do. I put her in time out, which is inside a play pen that she's about to crawl out of. She was getting so mad. I wished I had it on film. I'd have to go over to her and look at her as she was trying to climb out to get her to stop climbing. Nothing I can say or do gets her attention, that's how bad it is.
It's even worse when she starts her antics out in public and everyone is looking at us like "why can't you shut your kid up".
She is stong willed and stubborn
Just reassure her that you love her but stay strong with not giving in. If you eventually do, she'll know she just has to keep carrying on. If she does it in public, leave immediately, no matter where you are and explain to her why you did.
If she plays in the playpen, I wouldn't use that for punishment. Always try and associate punishment with one place and play in another. Try a chair or stand in the corner etc....
So long as she is safe and can't hurt herself, let her cry out the tantrum until she relaizes it is getting her nowhere. When mine were little and would throw themselves on the floor I was just tell them to watch their head as they flailed around and walk away.
Dee Nutz - after reading your most recent description - i would have her evaluated by a neurologist and occupational therapist - she may have a sensory integration - or similar disorder. Some of ti sounds like behavior, but neither you nor your wife sound extremely lax - and it may be more than just a "strong will." My son had SID and weekly visits to an OT made a world of difference in just a few weeks - years later we can finally chuckle about the "hell years."
If she plays in the playpen, I wouldn't use that for punishment. Always try and associate punishment with one place and play in another. Try a chair or stand in the corner etc....
No she doesn't play in the playpen. We use it solely for when she's bad. However it won't be much longer that "time out" playpen won't suffice b/c she can almost crawl over it now. Not sure what to do next for a time out place. She wouldn't stand in the corner at this age. Or sit in a chair. I'd like to find a place away from everything where she can't see what's going on because it's out of sight of everything else.
Deez, I've been thinking about you a lot. A couple of questions: Is she hungry? Do you give her something to eat before you put her down? (I'm trying to think of reasons she's waking up.) If she's hungry can she tell you that? Also, for her time outs: She has her own bedroom, right? If so, why aren't you putting her in her room for her time outs? Does she want the light on in her room at night? I'd leave it on if she wants it on. That's not a biggee. Did she start acting up when you changed her bedtime? If so I'd definitely put it back to 9pm. (There is no "right time". Especially at that age because they can't understand why they have to go to bed earlier.) How verbal is she? Is she telling you why she's mad or is she just chucking things at you?
I really feel there's a clue to help her somewhere. Maybe a little more info can help us figure it out.
Trust me on one thing. A lot of us here have had that strong willed child. The one you think will just make you insane. The trick is getting her to obey without breaking her spirit.
One more thought... Did she understand that she was supposed to have a little baby brother? She could be as much in mourning as you are. If there was talk of the new baby and now there isn't a new baby.... Who knows what is going on in her little brain. Did she know her sleeping arrangements changed because there was a baby coming? I know she's only 2 1/2 but I'm a big believer in giving even toddlers credit for understanding more than we think they do.
And... Can she tell you why she's waking up atnight? Does she say, "Bad dream?" She shouldn't wake up screaming. And yes toddlers can have horrible nightmares. Her disobedience during the day and her waking up and night could have two separate causes.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 02-19-2011 at 06:33 PM..
Snip ... One more thought... Did she understand that she was supposed to have a little baby brother? She could be as much in mourning as you are. If there was talk of the new baby and now there isn't a new baby.... Who knows what is going on in her little brain. Did she know her sleeping arrangements changed because there was a baby coming? I know she's only 2 1/2 but I'm a big believer in giving even toddlers credit for understanding more than we think they do.
Like Dew, I was wondering if your daughter's bad behaviour started around the time you lost your baby. If so, she could well be picking up on you and your wife's emotions and upset about this loss.
My 3 year old grandson and his mom are living with me now. She puts him to bed around 7:30/8:00 pm. He gets to eat a little snack while she reads him a book. During the week he gets to listen to the radio....on the weekend he is allowed to watch a kid movie while waiting to fall asleep. If he gets out of bed for any other reason than needing to go to the bathroom, he knows she will turn off the radio or tv for the rest of the night. She never has any problems with him at all at bedtime.
Kids will always see how far they can push you. I think it is wise to refuse to negotiate or argue with anyone shorter than yourself.
Deez, I've been thinking about you a lot. A couple of questions: Is she hungry? Do you give her something to eat before you put her down? (I'm trying to think of reasons she's waking up.) If she's hungry can she tell you that? Also, for her time outs: She has her own bedroom, right? If so, why aren't you putting her in her room for her time outs? Does she want the light on in her room at night? I'd leave it on if she wants it on. That's not a biggee. Did she start acting up when you changed her bedtime? If so I'd definitely put it back to 9pm. (There is no "right time". Especially at that age because they can't understand why they have to go to bed earlier.) How verbal is she? Is she telling you why she's mad or is she just chucking things at you?
She does sometimes wake up and express hunger but she usually gives us her "breakfast order" of "eggs...toast...milk...nannas"...or she'll say "momma hungree"...but other than that, she doesn't express hunger.
Yes she has her own room. It's upstairs. We usually don't put her in her room because when we put her in time out, it's usually only for 2 minutes. So having to go up and back down and then back up again every 2 minutes would punish us more than her. Also because all of her toys are up in her room and we'd have to take them out every time we put her in her room when she was bad and bring them back out when she was good.
Yes she wants the night light on in her room at night, as well as the small 9 inch fan. We let her have a light on at night and the fan too.
I cannot recall if she started acting up with the bedtime change.
No she does not really tell us why she's mad. But we figure if she asks for something and we refuse to give it to her, she will get louder and more agitated and then eventually will begin throwing things or tipping things over.
I'm really beginning to wonder if she's too young to understand and will be a bit stubborn until she gets older?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
One more thought... Did she understand that she was supposed to have a little baby brother? She could be as much in mourning as you are. If there was talk of the new baby and now there isn't a new baby.... Who knows what is going on in her little brain. Did she know her sleeping arrangements changed because there was a baby coming? I know she's only 2 1/2 but I'm a big believer in giving even toddlers credit for understanding more than we think they do.
We did tell her she was having a sibling but I don't think she understood. She wasn't interested in feeling mommy's belly when our unborn son would move around. Also we did not change her sleeping habits/bed time because a baby was coming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
And... Can she tell you why she's waking up atnight? Does she say, "Bad dream?" She shouldn't wake up screaming. And yes toddlers can have horrible nightmares. Her disobedience during the day and her waking up and night could have two separate causes.
No, she doesn't tell us she has bad dreams. She just sometimes wakes up crying in the night for no reason. It's been going on like this for some time.
Well for the most part we do let her cry it out, but it really concerns me. Yes you are right it is pure torture. I mean we will be sleeping at night and she will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and cry. sometimes we can tell her to go back to bed w/o getting up and it works. Othertimes such as last night she would not go back to sleep and would scream and kick and cry and throw fits. And when she throws fits, she often gets into what I would call a pure rage. Last night she wanted a sucker.
Before we put her to bed she was jumping on the couch which we do not want or let her do. I put her in time out, which is inside a play pen that she's about to crawl out of. She was getting so mad. I wished I had it on film. I'd have to go over to her and look at her as she was trying to climb out to get her to stop climbing. Nothing I can say or do gets her attention, that's how bad it is.
It's even worse when she starts her antics out in public and everyone is looking at us like "why can't you shut your kid up".
Get a professional evaluation by a developmental pediatrician. She may have a disorder that needs treatment with therapies.
We cannot diagnose on the internet, but you really should get some professional help.
In so far as getting her to go to sleep, try melatonin if she is having a lot of trouble winding down. It's safe, and our bodies make melatonin if we are *normal* but some kids don't make enough. You use the lowest dosage that works for kids as too much won't really help. Check with your doctor first, but if she does have autism or some other disorder that means her melatonin is low, it can really help.
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