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I would not let him go until there was a parent there with them. I don't care they are 18, they aren't ready at that age. Especially, after you going away for one night and he has a drinking party. I think it is completely different when he's had a year at college and can prove that he can handle classes, socializing, and being an adult.
So when he is 1500 miles away on his own doing just what you don't want him to do then what does that prove?
Having a parent there shouldn't be an issue. You raised your son right and to do the right thing right?
JUST KIDDING....lol....we're talking 18 yr old kids here....they will do the wrong thing because they haven't really learned the lessons yet. Count on drinking, possible social drugs, and irresponsible sex. These are the activities they have in mind otherwise why not have parents there too?
If your son would be an adult, no longer living with you, and no longer under your supervision/responsibility then it's all on him. But sounds like this is definitely not the case.
Also my issue is with the landlord/management of the rental. If they say they do not allow this unless someone 25yrs or older is present then it's a non-starter. It wouldn't take long for them to realize that there are no adults there and then they get the boot. I actually saw this exact same thing happen on some show on MTV(?). Kids were staying at this condo, got drunk, trashed the place. Landlord found out, got PO'd, and gave them the boot...after the second night they were there when they were supposed to be there for 2 weeks. This is also a reason why rental car companies have age restrictions. Some do not allow drivers under 25 as well. It's a proven fact that statistically people under 25yrs old are more wreckless than those older.
I would have trusted my sons to do this, but I would have felt better if maybe all the parents would be taking turns checking in throughout the week. My biggest worry would be liability for the property if any of the other kids were not trustworthy.
If your parents let you go and stay in a houseful of teens for a week, with no parents present, at the age of 15, I'm surprised your parents didn't get charged with something somewhere down the line. That's just plain stupid.
I think because charging parents over it is a recent thing. When i was growing up there were always parents doing that. In fact if your kids are going to end up doing it i can see rather being in a situation you have some control over to be honest.
For whomever left me a message on this (w/o leaving their name )
Once in college, kids have the necessary resources to help him there. There are adult administrators, and most likely, he will be on an honors program so there is much incentive to be responsible. And once off to college, he absolutely will have to be thinking more as an adult, which he is fully aware of.
I consider THAT environment to be completely different that a busload of 17/18 year olds at a beach house with no adults there at all. I find it surprising that you have difficulty comprehending the difference.
Only in school though....many parties happen off campus that they won't have any control of.
I am a parent and a step-parent and as we all were once a teenager. I would NOT let my son go without parental supervision. This would be a receipe for disaster in my opinion.
None the less of if he is going to get into trouble or not, he is an adult, HE will have to accept any legal responsibilities for his actions.
I am 21 and live at home, I drink, I smoke, I have sex and I stay out late, in my mom's opinion that would be getting into trouble or doing something I shouldn't.
Should my mom make me stay home at night and ground me and take my phone away for doing what I do?
The issue is chessie he will do these things at college anyway...so i don't see what you are trying to forestall here.
As I see it, she's saying she doesn't want "these things" happening on her watch, so to speak.
Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmama80
The issue is he is already bucking a bit because you are strict....you have to allow him some effort to enjoy himself in life. If you did you would ensure he wouldn't go buck wild when you let him loose in the world. I saw it so often in college. The kids with the tough parents were almost always the ones partying till they dropped every weekend. You already said he is a good kid....so let him enjoy himself some. Now chances are he won't be that bad because you don't seem as nazi like as any of their parents, but you still have to allow him some freedom. I think making him pay for it and being "close" is a good idea as well . Also added to the enjoyment is the last bits of embarrassment you can hand to him by showing up.
Actually, the research shows otherwise. Kids whose parents let them drink get the message that drinking is OK, and they don't necessarily drink "moderately" or "responsibly". In addition, all kids rebel, plus, sometimes "mob psychology" takes over, and kids do things in a group they'd never do on their own.
Kids are kids. They will make some bad decisions. The OP has already decided to let her kid do this trip, so some of this discussion is irrelevant, except for intellectual purposes. My personal opinion is that the kids are a bit young to do this w/o adult presence. Time will tell if it was a good decision.
Count on drinking, possible social drugs, and irresponsible sex. These are the activities they have in mind otherwise why not have parents there too?
Seriously? I can think of a million reasons why 18 year olds wouldn't wany parents there, and none of them have to do with drinking, drugs or sex. The reason they don't want them coming to college with them, they want FREEDOM. My son and his friends have gone away for the weeked to conventions and this stuff isn't an issue. When I was that age I didn't do that crap either.
If you can't trust your kids alone by the time they are 18 you fail.
Seriously? I can think of a million reasons why 18 year olds wouldn't wany parents there, and none of them have to do with drinking, drugs or sex. The reason they don't want them coming to college with them, they want FREEDOM. My son and his friends have gone away for the weeked to conventions and this stuff isn't an issue. When I was that age I didn't do that crap either.
If you can't trust your kids alone by the time they are 18 you fail.
If you're still telling your kid what they can and can't do at 18, where they can and cannot go and if they can go on an overnight trip once they are a legal adult you fail.
The DAY he turns 18, he should be making all his own decisions because he is an adult and if you continue to make those decisions for him, he'll be crippled in the maturity and social areas.
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. Also added to the enjoyment is the last bits of embarrassment you can hand to him by showing up.
