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Do you ever feel badly, like you were the worst Mom in the world? As I look back on my children's childhood, I feel bad. I was always working, going to school, moving, exhausted. Just trying to keep food on the table. I feel like time passed so fast, and nothing worked out the way I wanted it to. Now, my kids are all grown, we never made cookies...I always wanted to...some things just don't tunr out the way you wanted them to. Now, I don't even have a place for them to come home to any more. I am doing well, not to be homeless myself. Oh well...at least we were never homeless. Close...but never were...Just depressed today, about what a complete failure I have been...I always worked holidays, for the double pay...and because they depressed me too much. I short changed everyone. Now, those same holidays are coming around again...and I am dreading them. I need to cheer up...Some people don't have fancy homes, or lots of money, or even furniture...we just make it pay check to pay check...and it just never ends.
Oh, jasper, I just want to reach out and give you a hug! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. I think the other moms' posts are dead-on - if you weren't a good mom, you wouldn't be worried about any of this. You gave your kids the best thing a parent can give them - a loving home and stability and a role model for working hard and being resilient in the face of stress. Looking back on my childhood as an adult, I can't tell you how much I appreciate and respect how hard my parents worked. Stuff is just stuff and cookies don't last as long as respect, anyway.
There are usually some inexpensive resources in the community for someone to talk to around the holidays, if you thought that might help - so very many people really struggle through them, despite the common belief that they're supposed to be a happy time. Hang in there!
Night all - I have to catch up on what you've all been up to today in the morning. Sounds like a lot is going on, both fun and not so fun.
I made the mistake of visiting P&OC, too, Zim - I am currently involved in several threads that I am trying to now extricate myself from (the normalizing pedophilia one, in particular). Totally my own fault for dropping in, but man, there are some loony-tunes out there.
Do you ever feel badly, like you were the worst Mom in the world? As I look back on my children's childhood, I feel bad. I was always working, going to school, moving, exhausted. Just trying to keep food on the table. I feel like time passed so fast, and nothing worked out the way I wanted it to. Now, my kids are all grown, we never made cookies...I always wanted to...some things just don't tunr out the way you wanted them to. Now, I don't even have a place for them to come home to any more. I am doing well, not to be homeless myself. Oh well...at least we were never homeless. Close...but never were...Just depressed today, about what a complete failure I have been...I always worked holidays, for the double pay...and because they depressed me too much. I short changed everyone. Now, those same holidays are coming around again...and I am dreading them. I need to cheer up...Some people don't have fancy homes, or lots of money, or even furniture...we just make it pay check to pay check...and it just never ends.
Jasper, you have most likely given your kids more than you realize. You have shown them self-sufficiency. You have shown them that they can make it without help. You have shown them that the family is more important than trappings of wealth.
Believe me, I often wish my kids had experienced more hardship when they were young. Now that we are trying to tighten our belts, they seem all too accustomed to hand outs of money. I just keep repeating the same things to them, "no".
Holidays are overrated anyway. They never match the ideal.
Do you ever feel badly, like you were the worst Mom in the world? As I look back on my children's childhood, I feel bad. I was always working, going to school, moving, exhausted. Just trying to keep food on the table. I feel like time passed so fast, and nothing worked out the way I wanted it to. Now, my kids are all grown, we never made cookies...I always wanted to...some things just don't tunr out the way you wanted them to. .
That was me always working, it seemed. My children do not know the effort it took and it was so hard b/c of my disability - it always took me longer - harder to study b/c I had to study twice as hard b/c I couldn't see the board, that type of thing. Also, my children saw me having to support my parents (their maternal grandparents) so when times were tight and funds want to them over my children, that was hard to explain.
Also, I was in business at one point with my brother and he did very well (happy for him myself) but my children were young and couldn't understand why I wasn't at the same level.
I mean, we had some happy times but I wish time would have slowed down for sure and yes, I wish I had been a more creative and a new dinner every night kind of mom. I did read them stories at night and I know they remember that but I hope they know how hard I tried.
Our daughter lives far away now in NYC but fortunately, our son goes to college locally and works. They both have the work gene and they get along well. They love animals so I'm glad of that.
I look at other moms though and I know life was easier for so many of them. OK, rant over. Jasper, don't beat yourself up!!
Do you ever feel badly, like you were the worst Mom in the world? As I look back on my children's childhood, I feel bad. I was always working, going to school, moving, exhausted. Just trying to keep food on the table. I feel like time passed so fast, and nothing worked out the way I wanted it to. Now, my kids are all grown, we never made cookies...I always wanted to...some things just don't tunr out the way you wanted them to. Now, I don't even have a place for them to come home to any more. I am doing well, not to be homeless myself. Oh well...at least we were never homeless. Close...but never were...Just depressed today, about what a complete failure I have been...I always worked holidays, for the double pay...and because they depressed me too much. I short changed everyone. Now, those same holidays are coming around again...and I am dreading them. I need to cheer up...Some people don't have fancy homes, or lots of money, or even furniture...we just make it pay check to pay check...and it just never ends.
Jasper, you play the cards you're dealt, and it sounds like you got dealt a tough hand. Your kids may not have had homemade cookies after school, but it sounds like they had a hell of a role model in taking responsibility and in self-reliance. That lifts you waaay past the "failure" pile and into "pretty darned good". Maybe even bordering on "stellar".
And it's never too late to make cookies, even if you have to mail them. (Even if you have to mail them to other CD posters. I'll bet Hopes and Mattie could use cookies.)
Jasper, you play the cards you're dealt, and it sounds like you got dealt a tough hand. Your kids may not have had homemade cookies after school, but it sounds like they had a hell of a role model in taking responsibility and in self-reliance. That lifts you waaay past the "failure" pile and into "pretty darned good". Maybe even bordering on "stellar".
And it's never too late to make cookies, even if you have to mail them. (Even if you have to mail them to other CD posters. I'll bet Hopes and Mattie could use cookies.)
I am sorry you are feeling so down. I think most parents go through this at some point. I wish I could give my DD more and that she could have a SAHM instead of a mom who works 10-12 hour days. I know that I am doing the best thing for my family though. My family needs to eat and I provide that.
When I was growing up, I was very close with my mom (SAHM) and not so close with my dad because he worked a lot and I rarely saw him. Now, I am much closer to my Dad than my mom. That is mostly because I respect what he did for my family. He worked 14 hour days 6-7 days per week so that our mom could stay at home with us. He taught me that I have to work for things in life and nothing will be handed to me. He taught me to repair things when they break instead of buying new. He taught me so many valuable lessons that he probably didn't realize he was teaching at the time, but they are important lessons especially for the world we live in now. He prepared me for a tough world. Without his lessons, my family probably wouldn't have been able to make it through my DH being unemployed for 2 years when we had nothing in savings. My dad told me recently that he really regrets not being around more when we were kids. I told him everything that I just told you.
Be proud of the fact that your kids have a strong role model to look up to. That they understand the value of hard work. Be proud of all of the things you taught your kids. Trust me when I say that your kids were watching. I am not sure how old your kids are, but when they are on their own and have their own families, they will really appreciate all that you did for them.
Word of the Day
Thursday, August 25, 2011
footle
\FOOT-l\ , verb;
1.
To act or talk in a foolish or silly way.
noun:
1.
Nonsense; silliness.
CDMWR wouldn't know anything about that...
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Always, always and always - it haunts me
