Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Good morning...going to finish shampooing the upstairs carpet today since the guest room and the hallway turned out really well....
rkb - thought of you when we were at DS's game last night. Played over in your neck of the woods. Every time I am in that stadium though, while I admire the view (open to the west, mtn view) it's hard to watch the game with the sun constantly in your eyes....
I finally went to the nursery! I picked out three types of evergreens (juniper, cypress and something else) and some birch trees. I need things that won't get too tall or too wide because there are telephone lines at the edge of the property (20 feet above) and it's a narrow part of the property where I want to do the planting. I'm so excited! Most of the evergreens are already 8' tall. The birches are 10' tall. It's going to look fairly nice and provide privacy right away.
He just doesn't like the kid. His stealing from my son in the fall was the final straw. My son is a kind soul and didn't want to see him in the streets. He wants him to have a chance at making a good life for himself. But that doesn't mean that he wants to be friends with him.
The kid hasn't caused any problems for my husband and me. But my son doesn't feel comfortable here since the kid moved in.
Part of the problem is that my son doesn't know how to tell him that he doesn't want to hang out with him. My son will easily say "no" if the kid invites him to go do something, but my son has a problem telling the kid that he doesn't want him hanging out in his room.
We made it clear when he moved here that he had to respect our son's privacy and accept that they weren't close buddies anymore. The problem is that if my son does let him hang out with him once, the kid just automatically assumes the next day that he can go hang out in my son's room.
Before he would at least knock and ask if he could go in. This morning, he just walked in and sat down. My son doesn't know how to politely say "go away."
All in all, it has only been 1-1/2 weeks. I'm sure in time they will adjust. And it's good for my son to learn how to speak up for himself.
I'm just sort of at odds as to how to advise my son. How do you tell someone to go away? How do you say I don't want to hang out with you right now? How do you say I'd like you to leave my room right now? How do you say those things to someone you live with without hurting their feelings?
My son has no problem telling US when he wants to be alone. Why can't he be the same way to the kid? Well I know the answer, people are ruder to family because family understands that it's normal to 'just want to be alone' right now. We sort of hoped that they would develop a "brother" relationship where the kid wasn't expecting to hang out with my son. But the kid keeps trying to interject himself into my son's life. He's constantly asking me where my son is at, who he is with, what he is doing. I don't know how to express to him how these questions aren't respecting my son's privacy and how he needs to leave my son alone when they are home at the same time.
Why isn't he happy with my son simply being polite to him when they pass in the kitchen? He hasn't been a good friend to my son in about a year. He's only doing this when he doesn't have anything better to do. And quite frankly, my son has been done with that game a long time ago. My son only let him live here because he has human compassion but my son in no way wanted to reestablish this friendship. We made that clear to the kid when we talked with him about moving in. I don't know why he keeps pushing himself on my son. And I don't know why my son can't open his mouth and simply tell him to not come into his room.
I guess I don't know what to say or suggest because my children never invaded each other's rooms. My sisters and I never went to hang out in each other's rooms. Sure, we'd go in for a short bit but we didn't park ourselves in each other's rooms to stay for hours on end.
I don't blame my son for feeling like he's lost his privacy. And I don't blame the kid for trying to be friends with my son. Afterall, when he used to sleep over at our house when they were freinds, he'd be in my son's room with him for days on end. But I don't blame my son for not wanting to be his friend anymore too.
Somehow, we need to find a way to let the kid understand that his place here is more the role of a son/brother and not a friend of our son's without hurting his feelings. Who knows, in time they might become friends again someday. That's fine. I'm not pushing it though. That's for them to figure out.
It's just a complicated relationship dynamic and I have no experience with it since I had one girl and one boy. I don't really know what it's like to have multiple sons and how they interact. And I recognize that the friendship factor makes this totally different from siblings too.
Hopes, hopefully your son is just settling in to the arrangement. Perhaps a little jealousy, and maybe a little passive-aggressive (I know, unheard of in teens!!!). They will probably find their groove, I would say they probably have to figure it out between the 2 of them. It's tempting to fix it, but I don't know if that would be for the best. Your son is probably just irritated and venting for now. It's early days.
Hopes, hopefully your son is just settling in to the arrangement. Perhaps a little jealousy, and maybe a little passive-aggressive (I know, unheard of in teens!!!). They will probably find their groove, I would say they probably have to figure it out between the 2 of them. It's tempting to fix it, but I don't know if that would be for the best. Your son is probably just irritated and venting for now. It's early days.
You're right.
I know my son has a slight degree of jealousy. It's like sibling rivalry or bringing a new dog home even though we're not lavishing this kid with extreme attention.
I also know my son can be passive aggressive. Due to his anxiety disorders, he doesn't like confrontation, except when necessary. And he really doesn't want to hurt the kid's feelings.
You're right. They need to figure it out themselves. I'm just tired of hearing about it. My son will come downstairs and complain to me that the kid just came into his room without asking and won't leave.
I suggest telling him that he's going to take a shower to get ready to go somewhere or that he just wants to be alone or whatever. My son retorts that he shouldn't have to be put in the position of trying to get the kid out of his room to begin with.
It's not like my son's room is better. They both have TVs, xboxes and computers in their own rooms.
I'm just irritated and venting here too! My son is driving me crazy. LOL I just need to endure it until they figure it out and/or get used to it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
