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I guess at 29 the young man can make his own choices...but since he's decided to live at his mommys house....chances are he'll show up on the relationship forum wondering why he can't get a steady girlfriend.
If the parents don't mind, the son doesn't mind and he helps do anything around the house that the parents ask, I don't see how that's a problem. If having a girlfriend is not a priority of his right now, I don't understand why there's an issue of having females spend the night? With a 13 year old little sister in the home, I wouldn't want my son dragging home women to spend the night either.
Clearly, he doesn't have a problem with these issues, or he'd be looking for his own place. Clearly, the parents don't have an issue, or they'd be trying to get him out of there. Just because it's "not the norm", it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. Perhaps if more people were not afraid to "live their lives outside the norm", in their way, there would be a lower divorce rate.
Good grief, what IS norm?...people having multiple kids out of wedlock? People hooking up because "it's normal", only to discover they're not the marrying kind...winding up single parents, raising their children alone or fighting for child custody and support? Some people are NOT the marrying kind. Some people don't want to deal with relationship dramas...for people like that, his lifestyle seems perfectly "normal".
Good grief, I've got a brother who has been married 5 times....they guy is NOT marrying material. I wouldn't wish him on any woman....another brother, on marriage number 3...again, NOT marriage material. We're counting the days until she leaves him....again, wouldn't wish him on anyone. I have a sister who has been married 8 times...count 'em....EIGHT! Marriage materal? I don't think so...and yet, she's always holding out for a GOOD man. What she doesn't seem to get, is that it's HER who is the dysfunctional personality in the mix. She's HAD many good guys..it's why they eventually divorced her crazy self. LOL Some people are NOT suitable for marriage, or any type of long-term-relationship! The smart ones stay single!
That part doesn't seem weird to me - I would think it would be weird for a 29 year old or so woman to want to have sex with her boyfriend in his parents' home.
It seems a little odd that he's 29 and still happily living at home when he apparently can afford his own place but it's more common today than it used to be it seems.
It's whatever people want to do, if he's happy and they're happy, maybe he just like saving his money, maybe he even enjoys their company.
Yep...weird (to me) would be letting girlfriends stay over, having sex in the house. It sounds to me like he gets along great with his parents. If they want to take off, there's someone to take care of the home. He helps his sister with her homework and is a friend to her as well, it seems. Weird is having a huge house and expecting your grown kids to move out, when they hit a "magical age", when they are contributing members of the household, who have no desire to marry or room with "buddies". LOL
No, he is not gay but I understand why you would ask. His parents live in the suburbs where it is expensive but most kids rent houses or apartments that they share with friends. I don't think I've ever known anyone who got into his late 20s and was still living at home. Doesn't everyone want to live in their own place, either alone, or with their buddies?
Have you ever thought that maybe he gets along with his family better than he gets along with anyone else?.....that his parents ARE his buddies? Believe it or not, that does happen. I have a 24 year old daughter...she and I are best friends. She is attending college full time and is living at home. She was in a relationship....moved out....it failed, she's back. She is a "partner" in the home and has no desire or feel the need to move out, nor do we feel the need to shove her out. We have a very large home.....plenty of room for all of us. It's not like having a "child" live at home and she never has to be asked to do anything. If things need to be done, she just does it. We do not support her and this IS her "own" place. She respects our home, our privacy and we all get along fabulously.
When we had kids, we always said that we think it's ridiculous to have to move out, just because they hit a magical age. If they assist in the running of the home and are respectful and easy to get along with, they are most welcome to share our home with us! We had to go out of town recently, for 5 days. I have to admit, it was darn nice having that adult living her, transporting our teenager from sports practice and keeping up the house. It's a win-win situation....probably the case for your friends' family as well.
I might agree with you if the man was happy. He's not. He's always grumpy around his family, resentful, angry. He's just not a happy camper. I wouldn't say that he enjoys their company, at all. Mostly he tries to avoid them. He's not voluntarily taking care of his mother, she demands it.
I have no problem with his parents not wanting a bunch of women in and out of their house. But since most young men like the company of women (or men) it seems like he would move out so that he can have that.
I just want him to have a life because I care about them. So shoot me.
Well, he can't be too darn miserable, or he'd move out on his own, wouldn't he? I hate to sound like Dr. Phil here....but there's a payoff for him as well, or he wouldn't be where he's at. Perhaps he's miserable and grumpy when you're around, because he knows you're judging him? LOL
Doesn't everyone want to live in their own place, either alone, or with their buddies?
Well, aparently not your friend. You said he wants to live there.
I'd be curious to know if he tells you how to live your life? And if he decides you have it all wrong are you going to change something you are perfectly happy with just so he thinks you are normal?
I have a friend whose family moved to the U.S. from Russia when he was 11. My friend is now 32 and he still lives with his parents. His father studied real estate investing when they first came here while he was working 20 hour shifts in a casino as a change purser to make ends meet. They bought a triplex, lived in one unit, rented the other two. This then snowballed to the point that they now own over 30 rental properties and a couple motels at the Jersey shore.
My friend went to college and earned a degree in computer programming. He makes excellent money, but hands his check over to his parents and they pool/invest their collected wealth. They currently live in the owners quarters of one of their motels. I wouldn't even want to calculate their net worth.
Other friends and I have constantly derided him for not getting out on his own, but he defends the choice as best for him and his family. His salary allowed his dad to stop working at the casino and focus on their rental properties. By not having to pay to support his own separate household, he can afford to support his parents. He married a girl from Russia and he and his wife continue to live with the parents. His wife works in the family businesses helping the mother with the cleaning and maintenance of the motels they own.
When they have children, they will have built in babysitters. When his parents get elderly they will be able to care for them at home. When his parents pass, their accumulated wealth from years of sacrifice from each of them will pass to him.
Basically, keeping a family unit together and supporting each other really isn't such a bad idea.
I might agree with you if the man was happy. He's not. He's always grumpy around his family, resentful, angry. He's just not a happy camper. I wouldn't say that he enjoys their company, at all. Mostly he tries to avoid them. He's not voluntarily taking care of his mother, she demands it.
I have no problem with his parents not wanting a bunch of women in and out of their house. But since most young men like the company of women (or men) it seems like he would move out so that he can have that.
I just want him to have a life because I care about them. So shoot me.
In your first post, you said that he "LIKES" living at home. In this post, you said he's not happy, he's always grumpy around his family and resentful and angry...and avoids them. Maybe this guy is just a miserable, unhappy guy all around. Have you ever thought of that? Truth be told, that's why the guy doesn't have a girlfriend. Some people just don't have what it takes to make it out there in the world. Rather than change, they follow the path of least resistance. His parents may be the only people who will accept him for the way he is!
One of my good friends has a son who lives at home at age 29. He's a college graduate, works, has his own business, and lives in his Mom's basement. Mom and step dad think this is perfectly normal. They say he's a ''mama's boy'' like that's a good thing. Other friends and relatives call him that too. He is not allowed to have girls come to the house/spend the night. His parents say that having a girlfriend is not a priority for him and he likes living at home because he's always loved his little sister, age 13, and wants to be able to see her everyday.
Am I wrong in thinking that being a ''mama's boy'' is not a good thing? Am I wrong in thinking that they should be encouraging a 29 year old man to live on his own, find a girl, and be independent?
He might be a potential serial killer? (jk)
It sounds creepy as hell though. Not many of you seems to think it is odd that he wants to see his 13 year old sister every day. I mean, can it be more black and white than that?
Last edited by glass_of_merlot; 04-19-2011 at 07:19 PM..
He might be a potential serial killer? (jk)
It sounds creepy as hell though. Not many of you seems to think it is odd that he wants to see his 13 year old sister every day. I mean, can it be more black and white than that?
That's a pretty bold assumption. So people that like their siblings are now sexual predators?
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With a 13 year old little sister in the home, I wouldn't want my son dragging home women to spend the night either. 
Some people are NOT the marrying kind. Some people don't want to deal with relationship dramas...for people like that, his lifestyle seems perfectly "normal". 
You said he wants to live there. 
