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[SIZE=3]This is kind of a bullying situation that my wife and I are trying to deal with. Our son is 3 years old and I can proudly say stands up for himself and also his friends if someone hits one of them. The problem is our neighbor. They live directly across the street and are the only ones with kids similar in age to ours. They have an almost 5 year old boy that, unfortunately as you’ll read, plays with our son and for whatever reason our son keeps playing with him.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=3] The scenario typically plays out this way…… Our son will share his toys with the neighbor (doesn’t go both ways though) and the other boy will always want what our son is using. When our son shares and moves onto another toy the other boy then wants that toy. On occasion our son will refuse to share a particular item and offer the neighbor a similar one. When he doesn’t get it he either punches, kicks or tackles our son. Sometimes we’ll all witness it, but typically we are not paying that close attention as we also have a 1 year old and my neighbor has a 2 year old that we’re always chasing down. (Even when witnessed the mother does nothing) By the time we run over to see why my son is crying the other boy has run off. He’ll tell all of us what happened and once the other one is tracked down and asked by his mother he flat out lies and the mother does not question it at all. I have no issue at all if my son retaliates if the other boy hits him and he has went back after him several times but the other mother jumps in before he gets to him and proceeds to scold my son. Just in the past month our son has been punched in the head, kicked repeatedly, tackled, hit in the head with a plastic shovel. This is all on top of the one incident, which bothers us most, when he hit my son in the head with a metal pipe and laughed. [/SIZE]
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[SIZE=3]Unfortunately he has zero consequences and gets away with all of it. The mother just says, “Well that’s boys for you.” We finally got it through to our son last night that the other boy is not nice and he is just a bully. He says he doesn’t want to play with him anymore but I doubt that will stick. Any advice on what to say to the other parents? I would have to imagine they have an idea especially since their other son, the 2 year old, tells them that his brother is mean and he is scared of him. Should we just refuse to let him play with him anymore and if they come over tell them just that? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]This is kind of a bullying situation that my wife and I are trying to deal with. Our son is 3 years old and I can proudly say stands up for himself and also his friends if someone hits one of them. The problem is our neighbor. They live directly across the street and are the only ones with kids similar in age to ours. They have an almost 5 year old boy that, unfortunately as you’ll read, plays with our son and for whatever reason our son keeps playing with him.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3] The scenario typically plays out this way…… Our son will share his toys with the neighbor (doesn’t go both ways though) and the other boy will always want what our son is using. When our son shares and moves onto another toy the other boy then wants that toy. On occasion our son will refuse to share a particular item and offer the neighbor a similar one. When he doesn’t get it he either punches, kicks or tackles our son. Sometimes we’ll all witness it, but typically we are not paying that close attention as we also have a 1 year old and my neighbor has a 2 year old that we’re always chasing down. (Even when witnessed the mother does nothing) By the time we run over to see why my son is crying the other boy has run off. He’ll tell all of us what happened and once the other one is tracked down and asked by his mother he flat out lies and the mother does not question it at all. I have no issue at all if my son retaliates if the other boy hits him and he has went back after him several times but the other mother jumps in before he gets to him and proceeds to scold my son. Just in the past month our son has been punched in the head, kicked repeatedly, tackled, hit in the head with a plastic shovel. This is all on top of the one incident, which bothers us most, when he hit my son in the head with a metal pipe and laughed. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Unfortunately he has zero consequences and gets away with all of it. The mother just says, “Well that’s boys for you.” We finally got it through to our son last night that the other boy is not nice and he is just a bully. He says he doesn’t want to play with him anymore but I doubt that will stick. Any advice on what to say to the other parents? I would have to imagine they have an idea especially since their other son, the 2 year old, tells them that his brother is mean and he is scared of him. Should we just refuse to let him play with him anymore and if they come over tell them just that? [/SIZE]
If you kids are 3 and 1, then why not stop the contact between your kids and their's?
Your kids are young enough to find other playmates.
Only an end to this, may send the proper message to the 5 year old.
If he is the kind of kid that will become a bully to smaller children, it will only get alot worse.
Stop the contact between your kids and their's now.
If your child is sharing the toys, taking turns, etc. then the problem is the other child. End it now..!!
What will happen when this 5 year old become 7-8 and goes to school where he meets kids that behave like he does?
Your child will be 5-6 by then. This 5 year, right now, has limits on the type emotional, mental, and physical harm he can do.
As he gets older he will do more and more.
Do not let your child develop a close friendship with this child.
If it is already developing, stop it.
It is not worth the harm it can cause.
If they are the only neighbors you have as friends, then go friendless.
STOP the contact between your child and their's TODAY.
I would have a direct talk with the other parents about the issue. I would also let them know that you won't be letting the boys play together anymore if the behavior doesn't stop. That will either cause an argument where they defend their childs actions. They may try to make a real effort to change his behavior, or they may try to placate you and not do anything.
If they take it seriously and make an honest effort, than no need to cut off contact. If they won't address the issue or blow you off, then end the relationship.
I don't think the mother is going to stop the behavior. Somehow she has it in her head that her son deserves more protection and consideration than your son. Her son's behavior can be excused away or defended. Your son's behavior needs scolding. I would distance myself and my child from them, because I don't think she's going to change.
I became acquainted with a parent this school year who acted similarly. Her child has been making inappropriate comments and gestures of a sexual nature and getting in trouble in school. Only recently has there been improvement. A nice child that needs a firm hand to stay on track. Her child and mine are not close. The parent gets defensive about her child's behavior. But then she starts finding fault with my child's behavior. My child has her moments but is not a behavior problem. At one point she inappropriately scolded my child (shouting at her). I can see correcting my child (I was not there at the time), but shouting, and not correcting her own? I had a talk her and yes, she was defensive and protective of her child. That was enough for me, and I calmly distanced myself. It was easier since the kids are not close.
There are parents who correct behavior, and there are those who defend their kids instead. I don't have to judge the latter, but I don't have to let my children be subjected to bullying behavior.
When Mrs. Neighbor asks why her little angel cannot come play with your son, simply tell her that you are tired of all the bruises left on him from "the angel". As others have said, this will only get worse as they get older. Let her son use his brother (instead of your son) as his personal punching bag for a bit and she may be forced to see that he is a bully.
for whatever reason our son keeps playing with him.
Ummm....it's not rocket science. It's because you allow it. He's 3. So unless he's sneaking out the door without your knowledge, he's playing with him because you let them.
This is easy to solve as others have said. Just stop.
We had a similar issue with some kids across the street a few years ago. The problems were a little different, but it was the same basic problem. Neighbor kids were acting out. They would break things. They would verbally abuse their mom. I saw one hit her mom once (7 year old who knows better). After I told them to all stay in the yard, they would jump on bikes and ride off with my 3 year old (sometimes for hours at a time). A lot of little things. If I said something to their mom about any of these things, she would just say "Oh. You know kids!" These kids never knocked on my door. They would just walk right in, which never really bothered me until DD picked up their habit and walked in to their house and got yelled at. My daughter was starting to pick up their bad habits. She started talking back, taking off on her bike without asking, all of the stuff that I was worried about.
I tried talking to the mom again. That was useless. She saw nothing wrong with our kids disappearing for hours at a time when we specifically told them not to and then talking back (and sometimes hitting) when they got back.
I told my daughter that she wouldn't play with those kids again. Shortly after they stopped playing, the mom stopped by to find out why. I told her and after a few days the kids were back and apologizing. I had the mom come over and had her listen as I told the kids the rules for playing with my daughter. I listed all of the things I expected of them including cleaning up whatever they were playing with at the end of play time no matter which house they were at. I told them that we are now on a 3 strike rule. You do any of the things on what I call my "forbidden list" (swearing, hitting, basically anything dangerous) and that is strike one and everyone goes home for the day. After strike 3, they don't play together for a week.
At the time, my daughter was the only person in the neighborhood they could play with. It took a couple of tries, but they are all better behaved now and play together still 3 years later. They know I am serious about punishment, so they don't push it. I am glad I stuck it out though because now that more kids have moved into the neighborhood, there is always a big group of kids playing together. They all think of me as fun and come over so I can act goofy with them, but know my rules too.
The way I see it, I am responsible for my child. That goes to who she plays with also. I am kind of going back to the village style of parenting. The other parents have permission to correct my child, send her home, send her to time out, make her clean, etc. As new families move in, we all kind of explain to the new parents that this is how it is done in our neighborhood. We go over the rules (which have been amended over the years by the parents as a group) and let them know that if their kids can't follow these rules, they can't play with our kids. It is done in a much nicer way though. I absolutely love it.
If anyone else tries this though, make sure you get permission from all of the parents before implementing. It is really worth it though. Especially when your neighborhood starts to come together for impromptu BBQs, parties, etc. I really think that this really open communication regarding the kids has helped the neighborhood.
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