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I rarely had family around to rely on for help.
Support can come in different ways. You know how people are always playing up networking at your job? It works just as well for building a support system.
If you attend church or join various clubs or kids groups, such as scouting, you meet other parents that might be able to help out.
I've had co-workers, neighbors and complete strangers pitch in when I've had car trouble. AAA or some other roadside service is always a good idea too.
The elderly couple across the street would sometimes look after my kids if I needed to run a quick errand.
The lady my kids went to for after school care also looked after the occasional sick child during the day.
I met babysitters through a co-worker, through a neighbor, and through mutual friends. I even wound up doing some weekend babysitting for my dentist after a casual conversation in his office one day.
It can be kind of rough at first, until you get more established. Once you get settled and start meeting people and networking it starts falling into place.
I wanted to add that there were also a couple of people we met through after school activities that took an interest in my son and mentored him for several years. Not quite the same as family, but really nice for him.
This is so true!
So many people who live near family still don't have a ton of help because their family might be very busy themselves. Best to meet likeminded parents who have the same needs and issues. I grew up near family but everyone worked. When I started school my mother partnered with another mother in our building. Her mother worked an early shift so she dropped her daughter off at my apartment and my mother took us both to school. Her mother picked us up and I stayed at her apartment until my mother picked me up.
It can be a tough decision, but just know that you are not the only person doing it; you can find solutions
This is difficult. The good thing is that 2hrs is not long at all. Plenty of opportunities to hand out and have good relationships with friends and family. If it means a better quality of life as far as school and job opportunities than it's a no-brainer. On another note- do you have positive relationships with all of them? Do they have similar values as you want for your kids? Are they the type of role models you want around? If the answers are "yes" then I may think twice because those types of factors are "priceless." If it matters- We moved away across the country away from family and friends for husbands' career. I am a SAHM so it all falls on me when they are sick. I really don't get a "break." However- I like it that way. I like that my husband and I are the main influence in our kids' lives. We are considering moving back because I do want want my kids to have relationships with grandparents but even then it would be sparingly-- their own lives don't allow for much else but that's OK. I have to weigh in similar factors such as cost-of-living, public school quality etc... It's hard~
I am feeling torn about whether to stay in my hometown to raise my kids so that they can grow up around lots of extended family and friends and so that my spouse and I can have the added advantage of lifelong friends and our parents who are a huge support. I like the thought of grandparents coming to football games and cookouts and school functions. At the same time, we would like to move to an area about 2 hours away, (we don't know anyone there) to pursue better jobs, safer neighborhoods, better schools and overall a better environment for our kids. What has your experience been moving away versus sticking close to home? If you live away from family, what do you do when kids are sick and you both work, or you get a flat tire and need someone to help?
Just want to know what you think are the pros/cons of living where you do? We both love our family but sometimes feel like our kids would be better off with a different experience than the one we had growing up. And 2 hours away really isn't so far. Or is it?
I don't know how you'll feel about this but . . .
I think a two-hour distance is about ideal. It's close enough that family should still be able to see you all fairly often, and the grandparents can still make it to some of the children's activities.
It's also far enough away to block any tendency to have grandparents babysit more often than they should. I have watched this happen to so many friends of mine, and most of them did resent being taken advantage of but wouldn't say anything to the parents.
I am feeling torn about whether to stay in my hometown to raise my kids so that they can grow up around lots of extended family and friends and so that my spouse and I can have the added advantage of lifelong friends and our parents who are a huge support. I like the thought of grandparents coming to football games and cookouts and school functions. At the same time, we would like to move to an area about 2 hours away, (we don't know anyone there) to pursue better jobs, safer neighborhoods, better schools and overall a better environment for our kids. What has your experience been moving away versus sticking close to home? If you live away from family, what do you do when kids are sick and you both work, or you get a flat tire and need someone to help?
Just want to know what you think are the pros/cons of living where you do? We both love our family but sometimes feel like our kids would be better off with a different experience than the one we had growing up. And 2 hours away really isn't so far. Or is it?
To a degree it depends on your family and family dynamics. If you enjoy a well balanced life living near them now, that will more than likely continue when you have kids. There is something to be said for being able to leave your kids with family when emergencies arise.
We were fortunate enough to be able to live somewhere that provided both great job opportunities and lots of extended family from my husband's side. My son's best friend is his cousin, and when he comes over to stay it's quite seamless, he just fits right into our groove.
My family is four hours away, and that works well for us too, we can go for a long weekend, have a lot of fun hanging out and visiting, and then come back home for our "normal" life. My mom and stepdad live 1500 miles away, so their visits and the way they fit into our lives is much different, but the kids still have a sense of having loving grandparents all the way around.
They definitely have a better relationship with the family members they see more often, and since I didn't have a lot of that growing up, I'm glad my kids get to experience that.
Just to add, I'm not a super trusting person, so I definitely find more peace of mind knowing family members can help out in a pinch than babysitters or strangers, although now that my kids are 11 & almost 13, they have some friends and we've made friends with parents who I would trust asking to help in a pinch.
well, my parents live in an area with a safe environment and good schools so i didnt have to give that up. but i wouldnt have my child growing up in a bad area so i could be closer to family.
No Really. Family or friends you can trust is a BIG deal when it comes to kids. I feel its important to get a break for myself and if I can't trust anyone around to watch my kids then how can I do that. So instead of pulling my hair out I get online and find things to do with my kids that they can enjoy with or with out me. Sometimes I am able to take them and read a book or just relax. but having my in laws 18 hrs away is hard. My kids love them but dont get to see them enough to really know them. I think the since of family is important for anyone who has kids for the kids and for the parents.
My husband and I are raising our kids without most of our family in the area. There's definitely benefits on having family around, no doubt about it. But the way I see it, when I lived near my family I hardly saw them anyway. Between work/school, we may have been together for 3 or 4 days out of the entire year. Also, even if we did have family around, we wouldn't be inclined to ask them to babysit or watch our kids very often. We all essentially have our own lives that just doesn't include extended family. I don't lose sleep over it though.
We have really great friends that we consider family. It's an interesting dynamic since our relationships doesn't carry the baggage around like families tend to (especially mine). They are the type of people that I want my kids to be raised around... unlike my own family who are entirely different - dysfunctional, belligerent, bellicose, and snobbish to boot. Yes, raising kids near family and having those relationships is wonderful, but so is having a good solid relationship with friends who are like you. It may not be exactly the same, but to us, it's just as good if not better, IMO.
I think a two-hour distance is about ideal. It's close enough that family should still be able to see you all fairly often, and the grandparents can still make it to some of the children's activities.
It's also far enough away to block any tendency to have grandparents babysit more often than they should. I have watched this happen to so many friends of mine, and most of them did resent being taken advantage of but wouldn't say anything to the parents.
I say go for it, too.
I would never see someone who lives 2 hours away.
That's just far away enough to be a really annoying drive - and that would close enough that a flight would be unlikely.
Most people I see are people who travel here specifically to see us (from hundreds if not thousands of miles away) or people in a 10 mile radius.
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It depends on your family dynamics...
pull my hair out?
