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I am feeling torn about whether to stay in my hometown to raise my kids so that they can grow up around lots of extended family and friends and so that my spouse and I can have the added advantage of lifelong friends and our parents who are a huge support. I like the thought of grandparents coming to football games and cookouts and school functions. At the same time, we would like to move to an area about 2 hours away, (we don't know anyone there) to pursue better jobs, safer neighborhoods, better schools and overall a better environment for our kids. What has your experience been moving away versus sticking close to home? If you live away from family, what do you do when kids are sick and you both work, or you get a flat tire and need someone to help?
Just want to know what you think are the pros/cons of living where you do? We both love our family but sometimes feel like our kids would be better off with a different experience than the one we had growing up. And 2 hours away really isn't so far. Or is it?
It is a tough choice. 2 hours isn't that far. You could drive in for holidays, birthdays, weekends, and likewise, they could make the drive for some of the kid's games, etc.
We lived in my home town, 10 minutes, and 1 hour from the 2 sets of grandparents. 4 years ago we moved 1000 miles away. I do miss having the grandparents around for the kid's games and school programs. But when we do visit the time we spend is much more quality.
There really is something to be said for giving your kids a better quality of life. Now we live in a place people CHOOSE to live. Our home town is a place where people generally live because that's where they were born. One thing we hoped to accomplish is to raise our kids in a place they'll want to stay, not in a place they can't wait to get out of.
I don't think 2 hours away is that far. If it will provide for a better job opportunity for you and your husband and better school experiences for your kids, then, why not.
I lived near my parents all my life and just (finally) moved 700 miles away. I, personally, love it. Yes, the kids don't see grandma and grandpa all the time now, but they are making a plan on coming down for a visit this summer. I like the idea of not having to go to two different houses (my parent's and the in-laws) on all the holidays. My DH would sometimes work on holidays so we would have to rush through everyone's dinner so he could make it in time. This year we can just spend the time together and relax. Also, my husband just recently depolyed so I am really by myself here, but I don't mind it. I send emails and pics to my parents all the time and the kids call them on the phone and we will skype.
I like the idea of us starting our own traditions, especially around the holidays. We've been doing what everyone else wants this whole time. It's time we came up with our own.
As far as who watches the kids, mine are teens and right now I don't work so I don't really have a problem there.
I forgot to answer a couple of your questions. When we moved I went from working and relying partly on my mom for child care, especially when the kids got sick, to being a say at home mom. It has given me a feeling of accomplishment to "do it on our own." We also have a drop-in child care center nearby that I use when I have an appointment, or something. There are also babysitting co-ops where moms trade off watching eachother's kids. Sometimes I miss having the grandparents here to help, but other times I like being on our own.
I am feeling torn about whether to stay in my hometown to raise my kids so that they can grow up around lots of extended family and friends and so that my spouse and I can have the added advantage of lifelong friends and our parents who are a huge support. I like the thought of grandparents coming to football games and cookouts and school functions. At the same time, we would like to move to an area about 2 hours away, (we don't know anyone there) to pursue better jobs, safer neighborhoods, better schools and overall a better environment for our kids. What has your experience been moving away versus sticking close to home? If you live away from family, what do you do when kids are sick and you both work, or you get a flat tire and need someone to help?
Just want to know what you think are the pros/cons of living where you do? We both love our family but sometimes feel like our kids would be better off with a different experience than the one we had growing up. And 2 hours away really isn't so far. Or is it?
I once thought living by extended family would be great but then everyone takes off for Florida or they're all busy with their own families and activities and school functions.
You can find a babysitter working out of the home who will take in kids that are slightly sick or alternate shifts. And you can have AAA roadside service.
The cons are what you mention - if the family is actually readily available and eager to help but the pros are living where you want to live, not using family when convenient and if you spend vacations or special occasions together, it can be more meaningful than living close.
Growing up we had relatives one block away that we saw in school and church but we spent vacations and took trips with some that lived in another state and so were actually closer to them.
I once thought living by extended family would be great but then everyone takes off for Florida or they're all busy with their own families and activities and school functions.
You can find a babysitter working out of the home who will take in kids that are slightly sick or alternate shifts. And you can have AAA roadside service.
The cons are what you mention - if the family is actually readily available and eager to help but the pros are living where you want to live, not using family when convenient and if you spend vacations or special occasions together, it can be more meaningful than living close.
Growing up we had relatives one block away that we saw in school and church but we spent vacations and took trips with some that lived in another state and so were actually closer to them.
Ya, I grew up within an our of all of my cousins, and in the same town with most, and am not particularly close with any of them.
Ya, I grew up within an our of all of my cousins, and in the same town with most, and am not particularly close with any of them.
Sometimes it's easier to be closer and fonder of family if you DON'T see them every day, all the time. Too much closeness can lead to competitiveness and family feuding. Sometimes cousins compare or are compared with one another, families can bicker, the parent's own sibling rivalry comes to life again or still in their children.
And some grandparents aren't going to be stuck at home on weekends and evenings because they may take the attitude that they raised their kids and now it's time for a little travel and freedom for themselves.
Sometimes with family there's such a thing as too close in my opinion. It all depends on the people involved. Some can be close and never argue or fight, never spy on one another, never make comments, never judge. But for some reason many people feel that with their family members they have certain rights or certain control, certain expectations that must be met.
Freedom and independence can be preferable I think.
... and my retired parents travel a lot. When they were watching the kids one day a week while I worked, it was great until they took a 6-week vacation! They are completely entitled to their travel and to do what they wanted, it was just all or nothing. We'd go from seeing them twice/week to not hearing from them for weeks at a time.
This is not an easy decision at all. My husband & I both grew up with all of our family around us, cousins included and for the most part, we are all still very close.
My husband & I moved out of our hometown 15 years ago for his job. We have never been able to go back as much as we would like to.
Before having our children, I didn't mind it at all. I was very busy working as was my husband and it was easy for us to just hop in the car for a weekend & go. We (at that time) were about 9 hours from home. Since having our children, it has gotten more difficult to live away from family, but it isn't horrible either. We have moved somewhat closer , we are now about 6 hours away from home.
I can certainly understand why some people would say that their time with their family is better quality. I am not sure I would want my family here every day, that is possibly because we are so use to not having anyone around.
I feel bad for my girls more so than for us, it would be nice for their grandparents to be able to attend school functions,dance recitals, things like that, but they also REALLY look forward to their visits when they do come or when we visit.
A difficult thing for us is that we are kind of "expected" to be home for the holidays,etc... no one comes us for them. That is difficult, especially at Christmas. We would love to have Christmas in our home and have our children wake up in our home on Christmas morning instead of at my parents and then having to rush through things to be to my husband's family later in the day. It is not a relaxing time for us and it has made the holidays more stressful than they can be.
I will say that you should do what YOU want to do though. Don't let others influence you because in the end, it is your happiness and what you feel is right for your family, that really matters.
We moved because of my husband's job and you need a job, unfortunately he has not been able to find something that we feel is worth giving up what he has for. That is us though.
Do what feels right for you.
If you live away from family, what do you do when kids are sick and you both work, or you get a flat tire and need someone to help?
I rarely had family around to rely on for help.
Support can come in different ways. You know how people are always playing up networking at your job? It works just as well for building a support system.
If you attend church or join various clubs or kids groups, such as scouting, you meet other parents that might be able to help out.
I've had co-workers, neighbors and complete strangers pitch in when I've had car trouble. AAA or some other roadside service is always a good idea too.
The elderly couple across the street would sometimes look after my kids if I needed to run a quick errand.
The lady my kids went to for after school care also looked after the occasional sick child during the day.
I met babysitters through a co-worker, through a neighbor, and through mutual friends. I even wound up doing some weekend babysitting for my dentist after a casual conversation in his office one day.
It can be kind of rough at first, until you get more established. Once you get settled and start meeting people and networking it starts falling into place.
I wanted to add that there were also a couple of people we met through after school activities that took an interest in my son and mentored him for several years. Not quite the same as family, but really nice for him.
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