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How do you deal with an older (late teens) child who has a really bad temper? When he gets mad he yells, curses, sometimes throws things. He kinda takes after me in that I was that way when I was his age (he wasn't even born or thought of) but I became a lot calmer over the years. One time I really lost it and smashed something, and my Dad punched me in the face (he was NOT an abusive man, but he didn't take **** from anybody!) I really don't want to hit a kid - I have swatted when the kids were younger. What do I do, knowing that he has what I once had. A real bad temper!
You send him to a therapist to learn to control his rage. You set standards of behavior and enforce it by taking away things he cares about when he violates those standards. He earns those things back with good behavior.
And you take a good long look at yourself to think about how you let things get this far before taking action - a temper like that doesn't come out of nowhere.
How do you deal with an older (late teens) child who has a really bad temper? When he gets mad he yells, curses, sometimes throws things. He kinda takes after me in that I was that way when I was his age (he wasn't even born or thought of) but I became a lot calmer over the years. One time I really lost it and smashed something, and my Dad punched me in the face (he was NOT an abusive man, but he didn't take **** from anybody!) I really don't want to hit a kid - I have swatted when the kids were younger. What do I do, knowing that he has what I once had. A real bad temper!
What have you done so far? Have you ever taught him how to handle his temper? Talk to him when he's calm? Figure out what is setting him off? What larger issues (fears/stress) he may have going on?
If you care unable to parent....then get him professional help.
What have you done so far? Have you ever taught him how to handle his temper? Talk to him when he's calm? Figure out what is setting him off? What larger issues (fears/stress) he may have going on?
If you care unable to parent....then get him professional help.
What have I done? I've yelled, I've grounded, I've revoked privileges. My dad used to beat my ass AND holler at me. As I've said, I've spanked when the kids were small. He has anger issues and wants to fight; I had anger issues and wanted to lash out when I was a kid. I took it too far and my dad decked the **** out of me! Taught me a thing or two!
What have I done? I've yelled, I've grounded, I've revoked privileges. My dad used to beat my ass AND holler at me. As I've said, I've spanked when the kids were small. He has anger issues and wants to fight; I had anger issues and wanted to lash out when I was a kid. I took it too far and my dad decked the **** out of me! Taught me a thing or two!
Obviously it didn't, if you think beating a child is the way to get him to control his temper.
As others have said... family therapy is your best bet. Do it soon.
Go ahead, punch him in the face like your father did to you. Knock out a couple of his teeth while you're at it. You almost seem to have some warped sense of nostalgia about the way you father abused you and it sounds like you would love nothing more than to beat on your son. You brought it up more than once in your posts. Keep in mind, if you resort to hitting him, you will end up in jail. Times aren't like they used to be...hitting another person is assault and you WILL get in legal trouble for it.
I will repeat what others have said...get some proffesional help for yourself and your son. If you don't and he decides it is ok to act like that...what is going to happen when he gets a serious girlfriend or gets married? Get help for him NOW.
He's in his late teens and he's behaving violently in your home? Sounds like it's time for him to move into his own place. Needs a job, a paycheck, and an apt. Has he ever behaved violently at school or work? If not, then he already knows how to control himself - he just thinks he can get away with it in your home. Help him find a place, give him the deposit and some furniture, and tell him he's welcome home for Sunday dinner, but to check his temper at the door when he comes to visit.
my Dad punched me in the face (he was NOT an abusive man, but he didn't take **** from anybody!)
Yeah. He was. He punched you in the face.
Your son is in the third generation of a family with temper and aggression problems. If you don't get him into counseling there will be a forth generation.
What have I done? I've yelled, I've grounded, I've revoked privileges. My dad used to beat my ass AND holler at me. As I've said, I've spanked when the kids were small. He has anger issues and wants to fight; I had anger issues and wanted to lash out when I was a kid. I took it too far and my dad decked the **** out of me! Taught me a thing or two!
All of which is a bad thing for teaching kids to control their anger. If he really needs to lash out, you can provide a punching bag, perhaps or some other way to vent his anger without directing it at a person. Hollering and yelling at him will just make things worse. You need to remain calm yourself to model how he should act.
At his age, he will probably need some anger-management classes, but you can start by teaching him to self-calm.
The Self-Calming Plan
1. Acknowledge and name the feeling (just knowing someone is empathetic helps)
2. Set limits (its okay to be angry but hitting the cat or the wall is not okay)
3. Offer self-calming choices (these need to be adapted for older kids, but many are universal)
Six Categories
Audio/Verbal
listen to calming music, sing a song, talk to someone, listen to water
Visual
look at/read a book, look outside, go to your happy place, watch an aquarium
Creative
draw a picture (mad picture), make something (craft or cook), write a letter (journal), write/draw on paper and throw it away
Self-nurturing
get a hug, get a snack, take a warm bath
Physical (these ideas can be better than a time-out)
run, relax muscles (melt like a snowman), breathe, hug yourself, hug a critter, playdough or clay, float like a feather, massage
Humor
watch a funny video (funniest animals), make silly faces, read a funny book, find humor in a situation
Good luck!
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