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I forgot to mention, I think they learn this behavior at school. My youngest never used to be a whiny kid until she was in school. Then she saw how it worked for other kids and decided to try it at home.
Yes, sometimes it's that they're imitating other kids, seeing if it will work for them.
But -- if the child is in school and has changed, I would question if the child is having problems of some kind at school and acting out. Maybe kids are picking on him, or the teacher doesn't like him, something else might be going on and he's trying to get attention or something.
Look him right in the face and say, "I know and you know that you are throwing this tantrum to get your own way. That is not going to work so don't go into your act."
Once they realize you are smarter than they are and you know exactly what they are doing, which is trying to manipulate you into giving them what they want, they stop.
They're frustrated as all get out because they know it works for their friends, but they stop because it doesn't do them any good.
BTW: They always try and pull this when you come home and are tired. They can smell weakness.
THIS ^ ^ ^
I would add . . . one of our kids was prone to acting out and what we did was simply take TV away (these days, I would also take away video games, as well). The rule was - your behavior will EARN YOU THE RIGHT to enjoy an hour (or whatever time limitation you wish) of TV each evening. That included: finishing homework, taking bath, etc. Amazing how this turned things around . . . having to earn the privilege rather than simply losing the privilege.
Between 5 and 8 is usually when this behavior rears it's head. The reasons others in his class do it is simply because they are that age IMO. Assertion is part of growing up, IMO.
If mine flip out I don't react by flipping out with them. I just say, why don't you go to your room until you pull yourself together, I can see this upsets you, we all get upset sometimes, but it has upset you to the point that we cannot have a conversation about it, I can't understand what you are saying while you are upset so after you can calm down we will talk about it. I let him know sometimes even mom feels like screaming and crying but I go to my room to do that, pull myself together and then come out and talk calmly about it so that everyone understands. That usually works for mine.
I have also told him that sometimes when you are alone, and calming down, you can think of ways to put things to others that make more sense then it would have when you were just screaming and that usually helps you get more of what you really want instead of just getting in trouble. lol
I told him I hate to get into trouble, and he agreed.
Understand the moods issue, that does get better down the road....... Parenting is just exhausting sometimes!
I forgot to mention, I think they learn this behavior at school. My youngest never used to be a whiny kid until she was in school. Then she saw how it worked for other kids and decided to try it at home.
I'm the OP here. Thanks everyone for your replies. Hedgehog Mom, you seem to have hit the nail on the head.
This week, my son was punched in the stomach by his classmate on three occassions and I brought up the incidents with his class teacher. Apparently, this classmate (the teacher acknowledged he's a problem for the class) does a lot of crying and whining or rolling on the floor when his classmates want to play a different game from the one he wants to play. My son has been hanging around this kid a little more than usual and I suspect that's where he picked his behavior.
Not 100% sure, but that's the only explanation I can come up with for the similar tantrums that my son's been throwing in the last few months (he started school last year).
Anyway, at home, we have stuck a weekly behavior sheet on the fridge that shows "stars" for good behavior and "crosses" for bad behavior. He knows that if he ends the week with more crosses than stars, he will not get to watch TV or play with his favorite toy on the weekend. I think it is working because now that he can see his progress, he is able to think more about his behavior.
I have a 6-yr old who is an extremely well-behaved kid out side the house. At home, he is very well-behaved for the most part until he has to do something he doesn't want. For example, if he hears a NO to "can I watch TV" or if he's asked to clean-up. This started a few months ago.
His way of revolting is to cry and whine, and throw himself on the ground. This really frustrates me and my wife since he will never do such a thing outside the house. We have explained to him patiently and calmly to "talk it out" whatever it is that he does not agree with, and he will apologize for his behavior, but will forget it the next minute. We have tried time outs (2 to 15 mins) and even grounded him (1 to 2 hts), but it still hasn't worked.
In fact, we will remind him about "talking it out" and "time outs and grounding" the very minute we feel he is going to throw a tantrum, but that still doesn't stop him. It's like he's protesting against the thing that will get him into trouble by doing those exact same things because either (1) his brain cannot comprehend it or (2) his brain is just used to throwing a tantrum.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle his behavior? It's not that big a problem as such since he's a very well-behaved and cheerful kid for the most part. But it does affect my and my wife's moods when we have to go through this at home after a long day at work.
Please advise.
You have already explained. He doesn't need more talking or explaining. Now, ignore the entire tantrum. Walk away. Don't give in to what he wants.
It will take some time, but he will figure out that the tantrum does not get him any more attention.
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