Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm curious what parents feel their children's responsibility is toward them? Do you feel your children are obligated to take care of you when you get older or if you become disabled? If so, does that include paying for a retirement home or moving you into their home? How much contact in general do you feel is reasonable- a weekly phone call? Frequent visits home? As you age, do you feel your children should stay close or are you okay with it if they move across country?
I'd hope that I wouldn't become a burden on my kids in any way, financially or otherwise. I'd hope that as I age I'd be proactive about making the best choices so I would have help available as I needed it.
I absolutely would not expect to live in my children's home. My grandma lived with my family on and off...took a tremendous toll on our family
My children owe me nothing. I am independent and raised them to be independent as well. They have their own lives and families and I have arrangements made for myself if I need constant care from age or an accident.
I don't think my children "owe" me, per se . . . but it is nice IF they care and act kind . . .I would not expect them to support me or take care of me, but I would expect them to "assist" me in finding care if need be and providing some kind of emotional support.
I think kids "owe" their parents respect.
In Asia there are filial laws . . .it is more about "we" than I, and I guess in the U.S. in some ethnic communities, that is also true.
But for Americans who have assimilated, it is "every MAN for himself." Conquering the Wild West was all about leaving the family behind . . .coming to America even before that was the start of the nuclear family . . .then moving "out West" and letting grandma croak in the covered wagon and dumping her body in a ditch was the next step . . .
I don't think my children "owe" me, per se . . . but it is nice IF they care and act kind . . .I would not expect them to support me or take care of me, but I would expect them to "assist" me in finding care if need be and providing some kind of emotional support.
But for Americans who have assimilated, it is "every MAN for himself." Conquering the Wild West was all about leaving the family behind . . .coming to America even before that was the start of the nuclear family . . .then moving "out West" and letting grandma croak in the covered wagon and dumping her body in a ditch was the next step . . .
I will say based on my mom's experience that she sacrificed tremendously to care for her own mother. Without getting into a whole saga, it took a tremendous toll on her, and in some ways the rest of us. My grandmother could have made life much easier for my mom, and let others do more of the caregiving. She certainly had the financial means to do so.
I think I owe my child the right to her own life, and I owe it to her to make sure I can take care of myself in my old age. I make plently of sacrifices to see that my child has everything she needs, and will be fully equipped to be self sufficient and independent. I hope, in return for my sacrifices, that she can visit and call me and we can enjoy each other's company even when I'm old and feeble, but I never want her to feel responsible for me.
My mother, who had a host of health problems, always lived her life to the fullest and never asked us to do much more for her than pick up prescriptions or take her to the store. She always said when she got to the point that she couldn't care for herself and her quality of life was poor, to just let her go. And sure enough, when the last major illness hit her hard enough for her to require round the clock care, she died. We loved our mother so much, and would have gladly sacrificed our own lives for her, but she loved us so much that she did not want us to do that.
My kids don't "owe" me anything. But, I hope they will live by my example, that family helps family. I took care of my Grandmother, and now help support my Mom. I don't expect them to sacrifice, but I do hope they send a card or something at Christmas.
I feel they have no responsiblity to me other than to live life to the fullest. As far as taking care of me, I hope they stick me in a retirement home or nursing home. I would rather drive a stake through my eye than live with them or have them live me. There is too much potential for conflict. Most nursing homes/ retirement have some social activities. One of the reasons we moved my dad into retirement home was he was socially isolated after giving up driving. I didn't take interest in the social lives of my parents. Being around people your age who have shared experiences benefits everyone.
With my kids, sometimes no news is good news so a weekly phone call could be a not so good. One of daughters always says that if anything "exciting" happens, it's never a good thing. I'm on Facebook and so are they. Both of my sons and one of my daughters live locally. My other daughter lives out of state. I see my sons every few weeks. My daughter that lives locally I see every few weeks. My other daughter is a teacher. So I see her every holiday plus 6-7 weeks during the summer. I'm not one to expect them to run ragged every week.
I hope my kids live life to the fullest. If that means moving cross country, then so be it. My one daughter will never move back. It wouldn't be financially sound. That is unless she can find a 6+ figure teaching position.
I'm curious as to why you ask such a question? Is your family bestowing some debt upon you that you feel is burdensome?
The short version (which I've posted about before):
I'm the primary caretaker for my mother, who suffers from a cluster of autoimmune disorders. Some of the symptoms include memory loss and emotional outbursts. She's actually pretty 'stable' right now, but a month from now it could be like living with a different person.
I've been a caretaker for her since I was 13 and she was involved in an industrial accident. I have five siblings, but they aren't interested in helping (and have directly told me things like "she's your job" and "thank God you're there so we don't have to be")
I live with her, manage her doctor's appointments, revolve my work schedule around her, have turned down careers because she doesn't want to move, etc. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE my mother. She was a fantastic mother growing up. But for about a year I've been struggling with where my responsibility to her and my responsibility to myself begin and end.
But I'm not really posting about my particular situation. In the old days, people had kids directly so they would support them. Now it seems like parents don't expect this- expect I wonder how many would really be happy if their kids traveled far away and left them in a nursing home.
I don't think my mom thinks I 'owe' her anything in the sense of it being a strict obligation. But she definitely doesn't want to be in a home and refuses any kind of in-home help.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
