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My question would be over how long a period did he spend the $90? If the money was spent over several weeks or months, then no, he probably doesn't have a porn addiction. If the money was spent over a week, or a few days, then, yes, he may have a problem.
You should punish him for stealing your credit card, for lying, and for stealing money from you. You should not, however, punish him for viewing porn. Thirteen year old boys are inherently curious, and they have tons of hormones raging through their bodies. They have just discovered sexuality, and they know that masturbation feels good. Long story short, thirteen year old boys look at porn. It's not that big of a deal, in my opinion.
I don't feel that grounding him for the entire summer (and basically confining him to his room) is appropriate. Yes, stealing money is a serious issue, I agree, but this punishment seems like too much. Before you do anything, you should have a serious talk with him. Don't yell, don't get irrational, and don't start pointing fingers and placing blame. Approach him with an attitude that says, "what you did was wrong, and we are disappointed in you. We love you, but we have to punish you for stealing the credit card and spending this money." While you are at it, discuss pornography and sex with him. He's at that age, he needs the talk.
I think you should have a reasonable discussion with him, convey your concerns and issues with his behavior, and tell him that he will have to earn the $90 back. After he pays you back, you should forgive and forget. Ensure that he has learned his lesson, tell him not to do it again, and let it go. You should also let him know that looking at porn is normal, and that most teenagers do it (you can then tell him that you would prefer he not do it, if that's the case). You don't want to over-punish him and make him think that he is some kind of porn addicted freak.
Not to mention the other kids might not even be aware of the wrong deeds of one.
My parents used to do this with the six of us, especially the middle three boys who causes the most trouble. They still resent the times when they literally could not have stopped the situation, but were punished for it anyway.
My sons still fight about this! And they are in their 20's now! As for one son who was very "challenging"...the other two voted to kick him out of the house...and refused to talk to him because of his misbehavior...which I believe is what ultimately helped him the most...losing the respect and friendship of his brothers. Better than any "grounding" I could impose.
He probably just doesnt realize it's free...... I do think he should be punished for stealing... but I don't think a "porn addiction" is really what's going on.
I agree...it could be just stupid kid behavior. It could also be something more serious. The stealing is the worst part of this for me, and I would definitely make it a point to check and see if he was just looking at topless women, or something more graphic, violent, or extreme. If my child stole from me for any reason I would have some serious concerns. I think it's worth getting to the bottom of it, and it should be easy enough to do. By checking the site the kid was on, the dad should be able to tell exactly what kind of porn he was looking at, and if it was a "free trial" thing or if he knew what he was getting into. The father should know how much his kid knows about credit cards, because 13 years old is past old enough to know that charging is not free. And the parents also play a part in this, because why does this kid have so much unrestricted internet time, he's paying for porn sites?
Although I am also having my doubts this is a real situation, since the OP hasn't responded.
I'd suggest you get him into counseling before you have bigger problems on your hands. You have a 13 year old who uses YOUR credit card without permission to get onto porn sites. You have bigger problems than you think.
I'd suggest you install a program like SafeEyes on your computer to limit his internet usage.
As to grounding him for the summer, that's your call but I think it's overkill to ground him to his room. From the computer, yes. Perhaps to the house but 3 months to his room is a long time to be in isolation.
I agree...it could be just stupid kid behavior. It could also be something more serious. The stealing is the worst part of this for me, and I would definitely make it a point to check and see if he was just looking at topless women, or something more graphic, violent, or extreme. If my child stole from me for any reason I would have some serious concerns. I think it's worth getting to the bottom of it, and it should be easy enough to do. By checking the site the kid was on, the dad should be able to tell exactly what kind of porn he was looking at, and if it was a "free trial" thing or if he knew what he was getting into. The father should know how much his kid knows about credit cards, because 13 years old is past old enough to know that charging is not free. And the parents also play a part in this, because why does this kid have so much unrestricted internet time, he's paying for porn sites?
Although I am also having my doubts this is a real situation, since the OP hasn't responded.
I agree with you on that point. As for unrestricted time it depends on the family really. Some parents highly restrict, some lightly, some none at all. I imagine chances are this kid did a few free trials, then canceled them and got charged which is the standard MO for these places.
There are ways for him to get on the net without it telling her he is on. Believe me if your child wants to get around it they will, which is why those things are pointless past a certain age. Better to just keep the computer in the common areas until you trust them enough to be mature is all. I think at 16 it's a bit much though.
You are misinformed. There are programs ( eBlaster Spy Software - Spector Pro Internet Spy ) that run totally silent on any computer. Kids will not know they are there. I've installed this on 100's of systems and the only way kids will find out is if the parent starts going nuts about something. In 50% of the cases the parents go bonkers and the kids figure it out real fast that they are being monitored. The others either tell the kids about it or just use it to keep an eye on their kids. ALL of these parents have had kids in their teens.
It's not as simple as "getting around it" - however you can't go protecting their eyes / minds while they're at their friends house...
You are misinformed. There are programs ( eBlaster Spy Software - Spector Pro Internet Spy ) that run totally silent on any computer. Kids will not know they are there. I've installed this on 100's of systems and the only way kids will find out is if the parent starts going nuts about something. In 50% of the cases the parents go bonkers and the kids figure it out real fast that they are being monitored. The others either tell the kids about it or just use it to keep an eye on their kids. ALL of these parents have had kids in their teens.
It's not as simple as "getting around it" - however you can't go protecting their eyes / minds while they're at their friends house...
Yeah and once the parents go bonkers those kids know something is watching them and start figuring out how to get around it. And most parents aren't going to shell out 150 dollars to spy on their children. You sure get around as you are working in computers and a super dooper secret job that you can't tell anyone about.
I come from a more strict family and I would treat him to a dose of prison room . I mean strip his sheets and leave him a mastress and no tv , no radio , no internet , no computer and serve him a prison meal , bolona sandwich and dry bread cold . If he wants to steal then treat him to a dose of what stealing can lead to . Let him know that stealing can and will lead to a life in prison and see how he likes prison room for a while . My grandmother did this to my brother , she raised us and my brother never stole again Im happy to report .
I come from a more strict family and I would treat him to a dose of prison room . I mean strip his sheets and leave him a mastress and no tv , no radio , no internet , no computer and serve him a prison meal , bolona sandwich and dry bread cold . If he wants to steal then treat him to a dose of what stealing can lead to . Let him know that stealing can and will lead to a life in prison and see how he likes prison room for a while . My grandmother did this to my brother , she raised us and my brother never stole again Im happy to report .
Yeah and once the parents go bonkers those kids know something is watching them and start figuring out how to get around it. And most parents aren't going to shell out 150 dollars to spy on their children. You sure get around as you are working in computers and a super dooper secret job that you can't tell anyone about.
I just love people like you who know nothing about computers telling everyone that kids will get around things.
If you are invested in protecting your kid/teen while they are using the interest there are ABSOLUTELY ways to block / filter anything in a manner that they cannot get around, period.
Via the use of opendns (free) / astaro (free) / eblaster (100) you can secure your internet and computers in your house and the kids will have NO idea you are watching, unless you give it away or tell them.
Today is my day off and the way I browse the forums is by clicking "new posts" at the top of the page, not that it's any of your business.
You should stop giving advice on subjects (computer security vs teens) that you have no idea about.
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