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I would want to hear it in person, just so I could throw my arms around my child and assure them it didn't matter one whit.
But, if you are uncertain of the reception you will get, then do whatever you are comfortable with.
I would want to hear it in person, just so I could throw my arms around my child and assure them it didn't matter one whit.
But, if you are uncertain of the reception you will get, then do whatever you are comfortable with.
Agreed.
I would also suggest having a friend either go with you, or wait close by should you need them.
I'm 26, a lesbian, and have not come out to my parents, although there have been some subtle and not-so-subtle signs for years that I may be homosexual. In a recent phone convo with mom, she said "...because when you meet a special person, I don't want you to take them for granted".
When she said that, shivers went up my spine and I had to get off the phone. I've struggled with my sexuality for years, developed panic and anxiety disorders, and been depressed. I feel the only way out of ths suffering is to come out to the people I love most... But I'm scared.
The most hurtful aspect of al this is that I feel I'd be a disappointment not because of something I did, but because of who i am. Something intrinsic, that could never be changed. The thought that I may be seen as a disappointment or not looked at the same by my parents is what I find so nerve wracking.
Does my mom know?
In the absence of information we make stuff up, i.e., we inadvertently fill in the blanks of what is left unsaid.
From what you've written above it seems to me that your mother definitely suspects or knows that you're gay but is allowing you the time and space for you to literally come out and define yourself. The evidence is in her use of the pronouns in her sentence: "...because when you meet a special person, I don't want you to take them for granted". If those pronouns are exactly what she used, IMHO, she totally suspects (NOT in a negative way) that you are gay. Sounds like you have a very loving, sensitive to your feelings, mom.
I have not yet read any of the replies to your question, BTW. This is just my initial reaction to your first post.
Regarding coming out in a letter vs in person: I agree with the other posters. Do not deny your mom's opportunity to throw her arms around you and hug you as she reassures you that #1, she loves you and #2, that will never change. Maybe a #3: why did you wait so long to tell her?
To the OP -- yes your mother may sense that you are gay, and face-to-face is better but still brace yourself because it may not be quite the joyous moment for your mother as it is for other mothers. She may cry, she may try to talk you out of it, she may not hide her disappointment. Just be ready in case. I work with this very liberal woman whose husband is also very liberal and it's as though they've written off their son. This couple puts on a show that they are the most tolerant and open minded of anyone -- until it came to their own son. It can go the other way -- one co-worker fretted and fretted over coming out to her mother and grandmother and she had to reach down and find strength but it was an anticlimatic moment because they just shrugged because they already knew.
Somehow or other, I don't see the need to "come out." Perhaps I feel that way because I come from a time when it was not unusual for the same sex couple to live together. Think about the "old maid school teachers," "bachelor farmers," etc. Many liived together to save money, but I am sure that many were also a sexual union.
So...what is so wrong with just telling the world that you just are not attacked to the opposite sex? Why does someone have to declare that they enjoy the friendship of the same sex as a sexual thing?
The magic word may be FRIENDS. First, be honest and admit that you enjoy the friendship and company of the same sex. It's no one's business but yours if the relationship goes to a different level. The usual male/female couple doesn't have to openly declare that they have sex, why should a lesbian or gay couple have to declare to the world that they bed down together?
Somehow or other, I don't see the need to "come out." Perhaps I feel that way because I come from a time when it was not unusual for the same sex couple to live together. Think about the "old maid school teachers," "bachelor farmers," etc. Many liived together to save money, but I am sure that many were also a sexual union.
So...what is so wrong with just telling the world that you just are not attacked to the opposite sex? Why does someone have to declare that they enjoy the friendship of the same sex as a sexual thing?
The magic word may be FRIENDS. First, be honest and admit that you enjoy the friendship and company of the same sex. It's no one's business but yours if the relationship goes to a different level. The usual male/female couple doesn't have to openly declare that they have sex, why should a lesbian or gay couple have to declare to the world that they bed down together?
Yes, and if everyone follows this advice, it will be so much easier to enforce existing and set up new laws against homosexuality. If everyone stays in the closet, then we can rule them through fear, extortion and shame. Great idea! (insert sarcasm alert here)
Somehow or other, I don't see the need to "come out." Perhaps I feel that way because I come from a time when it was not unusual for the same sex couple to live together. Think about the "old maid school teachers," "bachelor farmers," etc. Many liived together to save money, but I am sure that many were also a sexual union.
So...what is so wrong with just telling the world that you just are not attacked to the opposite sex? Why does someone have to declare that they enjoy the friendship of the same sex as a sexual thing?
The magic word may be FRIENDS. First, be honest and admit that you enjoy the friendship and company of the same sex. It's no one's business but yours if the relationship goes to a different level. The usual male/female couple doesn't have to openly declare that they have sex, why should a lesbian or gay couple have to declare to the world that they bed down together?
Some people do not wish to live in the closet their entire lives. They wish to be recognized as the equal parent of children, they wish to include their partner in family gatherings, they wish to make medical decisions for their partner, they wish to attend school events as a parent, they wish to be able to do all the things heterosexual couples take for granted, and without having to call their life partner a "friend".
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