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You were an adult. That is different than being a child. I'm sorry you can't see the difference between a 10 year old and a 20 year old but there's a huge difference.
I find it funny that you are arguing that your feelings as an adult should have dictated your parents lives (yet the feelings of children shoudln't because they're just kids.). That's actually very immature. Which is what is funny.
I'm sorry that you don't like that your parents are adults who had the right to live their own lives but once their obligation to you was met and you were raised, you have no say so in how they live their life. Just as they have no say so in how you live yours now. Adults respect that other adults have the right to live their own lives.
Do you, seriously, think you had the right to dictate what your parents did once you were grown? Will you let your children dictate how you live your life when they are adults? Once children are grown, the job of raising kids is done. Parents are then free to do what they want whether they like it or not.
I have a cousin who is still mad at her mom for moving 1000 miles away when she found out she was pregnant. Her mom didn't want to feel obligated to spend time with grand kids so she moved far enough away that it's not an issue. However, it was her mom's right to make this choice. Her mom liked her life the way it was. It was not her choice to have grand children. That was her daugther's choice. She chose to not let her daugther's choice change her lifestyle. Whether my cousin likes it or not, this was her moms choice to make and she needs to let her make it.
I've never dismissed anyone's feelings. I acknowledged them and I also tried to state how complex the issue of divorce, remarriage and steps are. Yet you continue to say that only the way you felt is valid. You've said some very hurtful things to those of us who are in blended families, yet asked for sensitivity to your experience.
I expected both of my parents to treat us fairly. Neither did.
I totally disagree with this *you can't change the way you feel* once your personality is formed. New research is beginning to show that your brain can change even when you are much older.
Only to a certain extent. I know this first hand. I use positive thinking to avoid the pitfalls but it has not changed the base feelings. Over time, what has happened, is it's easier not to act on them. They're there, I dismiss them and get on with my life. However, I never feel good about myself. Just less bad.
It is part of who I am that I jump to the negative. It used to weigh me down for days or weeks after a confirming event (an event that confirms in my mind that I don't fit in, that I don't belong and I don't deserve good things). Now I'm down to minutes, sometimes hours but I recover and get on with my life. That's what 30 years of positive thinking accomplished. It did not change who I am or how I feel about myself only how I respond to those feelings when they crop up.
You can disagree all you want but I have lived this for 40+ years. Positive thinking works in the sense that I can manage not to respond to the negative feelings . However, this thred isn't about how YOU over every therapist I've ever seen and myself who has lived with this for over 4 decades think I've failed to "cure" myself (there is no cure. Of that I am certain.). You've never psychoanalyzed me. To my knowledge, you don't posess the license to make that legal. I suggest you defer to those who have and do.
Yet again, Ivory, you seem to think that your individual experience is the truth for all. Life does not work that way, sorry. There are plenty of people who, through cognitive behavioral therapy and REBT have significantly changed their self-perception and their thinking in general, no longer needing validation from without. You cannot speak for anyone else.
Yet again, Ivory, you seem to think that your individual experience is the truth for all. Life does not work that way, sorry. There are plenty of people who, through cognitive behavioral therapy and REBT have significantly changed their self-perception and their thinking in general, no longer needing validation from without. You cannot speak for anyone else.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, associated with Albert Ellis.
Not directed at any one poster's personal experiences, but as a general statement the idea that people cannot change how they emotionally, cognitively and behaviorally respond to things, their outlook, the frequency with which difficult thoughts or emotions crop up, or even aspects of personality traits/expression is not supported by research. Change is hard, some parts of our personality are more stable than others across the lifespan, but a blanket "if it isn't caught during the formative years of development, it cannot be changed" is not accurate. YMMV.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, associated with Albert Ellis.
Not directed at any one poster's personal experiences, but as a general statement the idea that people cannot change how they emotionally, cognitively and behaviorally respond to things, their outlook, the frequency with which difficult thoughts or emotions crop up, or even aspects of personality traits/expression is not supported by research. Change is hard, some parts of our personality are more stable than others across the lifespan, but a blanket "if it isn't caught during the formative years of development, it cannot be changed" is not accurate. YMMV.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, associated with Albert Ellis.
Not directed at any one poster's personal experiences, but as a general statement the idea that people cannot change how they emotionally, cognitively and behaviorally respond to things, their outlook, the frequency with which difficult thoughts or emotions crop up, or even aspects of personality traits/expression is not supported by research.
That something is possible only needs a data set of one. And I am it. My self esteem was in the toilet. I was certain I would never marry, hell never date. Why would anyone want me when I was so completely useless. It was scary and hard. But I was able to change that image of myself and all the awful feelings that go with it.
That something is possible only needs a data set of one. And I am it. My self esteem was in the toilet. I was certain I would never marry, hell never date. Why would anyone want me when I was so completely useless. It was scary and hard. But I was able to change that image of myself and all the awful feelings that go with it.
Thank you, that was exactly the point I was trying to make. I have had the good fortune, both through personal experience and professional experience with clients, to see vast life-altering changes occur. It is not easy. It can be excruciating. It is possible. Good for you.
Thank you, that was exactly the point I was trying to make. I have had the good fortune, both through personal experience and professional experience with clients, to see vast life-altering changes occur. It is not easy. It can be excruciating. It is possible. Good for you.
I think it would have been a damned site less painful if I had the prescience to see a good therapist. I was riding solo, and it sucked.
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because they're just kids.). That's actually very immature. Which is what is funny.
