I feel horrible, I have a parent furious at me (teenager, wife)
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Yes. As a parent it's difficult -- where to draw the line, but you do have to start letting the kids out into the world at some point no matter what your thoughts and fears on that world might be.
Neither parent is really right or wrong in this case. Just different attitudes and they forget to establish the ground rules --- both sides forgot to do that. They both care about their kids, that's not the issue, they just have different opinions on where to draw the lines. And you cannot really trust what the kids say.
One time the school had a field trip to an amusement park. I'm actually a protective parent so I took the other kids to the park also -- kind of to keep an eye on the one that was with the school because I didn't trust the school. My son wanted to ride home with us and we told the bus driver he wouldn't be going back on the bus -- but he wanted to hang with his friends which was fine with me also.
To make a long story short, he ended up hanging out with a kid who thought the idea of going home with us and staying until closing sounded better than going back on the bus. On their own they went back to the buses and told the drivers that he would come home with us. The buses left before the park closed, I stayed until the park closed. Finally when it was time to leave, we all met up and the two boys said the friend was getting a ride with us, the buses already left a couple hours before. Well -- what happened was the mom didn't know, she went to the school to pick up her kid and he wasn't on the bus. He was still at the park with us but the school assumed he had gotten on one of the buses and maybe went home with some other kid from there and the mother was calling other friends. Later we came home and it was as though we had kidnapped this child. All this was the doing of that child because he wanted to stay longer at the park.
It's not difficult knowing where to draw the line for me personally. My son isn't hurting, for lack of independence. He is involved with after school activites and is fine going to and from alone. He has his own house key for times when I can't make it home when he gets home from school(although I work 5 mins away), he's allowed to go outside and play, and.......drum roll..... I'm not over his shoulder. However, there are conditions for him being outside. One, he is not allowed at any time to go inside of someones house---it would be akin to the death penalty for him
In your situation, I'd be upset if I were the parent but one reason is because I wouldn't allow a child to come with me, if they had not or I had not asked the parent first and my child knows better than to ever do this.
I wouldn't call or consider someone a "bad" parent for this, it's just a different "stroke." I reserve that judgement for other decisions that parents make
I think when you allow your child over to another person's house, you tacitly agree to that parent's rules and whatnot.
If you don't trust the other parent enough to allow them to let the kids do what's considered appropriate at their house, then don't let them go over there.
The other parent has that option, but she has zero right to be angry at the OP, who has every right to let the children do what she sees fit under her care.
^Absolutely correct here.
She apparently gave you leeway to use your own judgement, and the little boy said it was okay with his Mom.
I dont think either parent was wrong, except when the boys mom yelled and had a fit. If I didnt like this happening with my son, next time he stayed at your home, I would have nicely asked you not to let them go off alone. I also would have punished my son for lying.
My kids are grown, but once in awhile I get in trouble for what I let my grand daughters do, so OP dont feel bad. Everyone has different parenting styles, as we should. I get giving freedom and I get fearing your child being out and about. Bad things do happen. I dont understand my son when he gets after me for things HE used to do as a child. He turned out amazing, so I did something right, I think I can handle the girls without causing harm.
And I dont care what anyone says, grannys are Supposed to give kids candy!
My daughter is 12 and I've been dealing with issues like this for the past year or so. What movies are ok to watch, is it ok for them to be home alone for a brief time, where can they go, etc. I have learned to try my best to get confirmation from a parent, when I don't know the kid/parent very well, that it's ok to do XYZ. There is such a wide variance in comfort levels of parents for kids this age!
I am glad to see that most people here have been supportive to you, OP. I have been vilified in the past (not here but another board) for allowing my DD, then aged 9, to wait for the bus by by herself (well, without me, but with 4-5 of her classmates) 2 houses down from ours, in an upscale subdivision (so not a busy road at all -- quite insular.)
I don't get the whole overprotective parenting thing, myself, and think that it is every bit as bad as parents who don't give a crap and let their kids do everything.
The mom just called me and apologized. All is well. She had driven by that park last weekend and saw some teenagers doing some bad stuff and that flashed in her mind. She was very nice and of course I apologized too for my lack of insight. She even offered to let him stay the night tonight. I feel 100x better but still let this be a lesson to all, to always double check with the other parent.
Again, I feel so blessed I found this board and I will try to help others on here as you all have helped me and pass it on. :-)
Not a lot of people would make that call. It says a lot about her that she did. Good for her. And good for you because it sounds like you were very gracious about it.
The mom just called me and apologized. All is well. She had driven by that park last weekend and saw some teenagers doing some bad stuff and that flashed in her mind. She was very nice and of course I apologized too for my lack of insight. She even offered to let him stay the night tonight. I feel 100x better but still let this be a lesson to all, to always double check with the other parent.
Again, I feel so blessed I found this board and I will try to help others on here as you all have helped me and pass it on. :-)
Excellent! She recognized her gut reaction was over the top and you realized you should have checked with her first...lesson definitely learned by all parties, including the boys I imagine!
The mom just called me and apologized. All is well. She had driven by that park last weekend and saw some teenagers doing some bad stuff and that flashed in her mind. She was very nice and of course I apologized too for my lack of insight. She even offered to let him stay the night tonight. I feel 100x better but still let this be a lesson to all, to always double check with the other parent.
Again, I feel so blessed I found this board and I will try to help others on here as you all have helped me and pass it on. :-)
That is great! and a valuable teaching moment........
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He turned out amazing, so I did something right, I think I can handle the girls without causing harm.
