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He was living with his mom and step dad, but moved out because they were fighting, etc..
He moved in with us about a year ago, and I was totally fine with it, as he's always been a good kid and never any trouble.
He works full time (probably makes about $15 an hour) and has been going to school part time. He starts school again full time next semester. He pays for school through school loans, and we help with books.
He doesn't make a lot of noise, lets us know if he'll be out late, is quiet when he comes home late, etc
He does his own laundry and buys/prepares his own food.
However,
We rarely see him, he basically comes home, goes to his room.
He leaves his dirty dishes in the sink, not even rinsing them out.
Leaves crumbs, etc on counter.
His car is leaving oil stains on our driveway.
Doesn't keep the hall (his) bathroom clean, doesn't replace TP on the roll, etc
Does not contribute financially at all - utilities, mortgage, home supplies, etc
I'm steering clear of a conversation with him because I'm the stepmom. However, I'm going to talk to my husband about it at some point. Right now I'm just curious what you all think is appropriate in this situation.
You're not doing him any favors by not charging for rent/utilities. He needs to learn that it's part of "adulting." He's getting a free ride, and becoming spoiled because of it. When he eventually moves out, he's going to get a hell of a shock when he realizes that he has to pay for everything.
I'd say you are doing better than a lot of parents if these are the only things he's doing. They are pretty minor and all things considered not worth getting into a brouhaha over. Maybe he simply doesn't think about the dishes or the crumbs or the TP, maybe all he needs is some reminding from time to time?(Does his dad clean the bathroom etc, without being asked?)
As far as the money, that's a bit trickier, he has a job, what does he spend it on, car, insurance, school books, saving acct, and maybe a little for entertainment? Or is he blowing all of it on computer games, booze, eating out? I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to put a little money aside for savings and to help with groceries and utilities, but still leaving him with enough to enjoy himself from time to time.
The oil on the driveway, probably beyond his means to take care of properly right now, maybe explore options and ask him to help contribute to the cost of the solution, could be as simple as a tarp on the drive.
You're not doing him any favors by not charging for rent/utilities. He needs to learn that it's part of "adulting." He's getting a free ride, and becoming spoiled because of it. When he eventually moves out, he's going to get a hell of a shock when he realizes that he has to pay for everything.
THIS.
He should be paying rent, help with groceries, wash his own clothes and help with household chores.
You can understand this, OP, can't you???
He was living with his mom and step dad, but moved out because they were fighting, etc..
He moved in with us about a year ago, and I was totally fine with it, as he's always been a good kid and never any trouble.
He works full time (probably makes about $15 an hour) and has been going to school part time. He starts school again full time next semester. He pays for school through school loans, and we help with books.
He doesn't make a lot of noise, lets us know if he'll be out late, is quiet when he comes home late, etc
He does his own laundry and buys/prepares his own food.
However,
We rarely see him, he basically comes home, goes to his room.
He leaves his dirty dishes in the sink, not even rinsing them out.
Leaves crumbs, etc on counter.
His car is leaving oil stains on our driveway.
Doesn't keep the hall (his) bathroom clean, doesn't replace TP on the roll, etc
Does not contribute financially at all - utilities, mortgage, home supplies, etc
I'm steering clear of a conversation with him because I'm the stepmom. However, I'm going to talk to my husband about it at some point. Right now I'm just curious what you all think is appropriate in this situation.
As long as he is going to school and getting good grades AND maintaining a job, I would not ask for him to contribute financially at all at this time. However, I would expect that he help with yard work, doing his own laundry, cleaning up after himself, keeping his room presentable, helping prepare meals (no reason he can't make at least a couple meals for the family each week), grocery shopping, and generally helping around the house. I expected those things from my YOUNG children living at home! No one gets away with that crap in my house - everyone pulls their weight. He sounds like a typical 24-year-old but since he is not yet living in his own apartment, he needs to abide by house rules since you are still providing a roof over his head. Tell him he can live like a slob in his own place.
Edit this to say I would not charge him rent IF he is using his money wisely. If everything he makes is mostly going to school (books, clothes, meal plan, transportation, etc.) and he seems to be smart about it great! If he is smoking, buying rims and speakers for his car, getting tattoos, and going out partying with his buds every weekend, well that's a very different story. If he can afford to do all that, he can afford to contribute financially.
I agree with all of you, btw.. Again, I'm looking to see what everyone else thinks is appropriate. A year has been long enough for him to have this free ride, IMO. I think he should be contributing more..
PS: He pays for his own groceries and washes his own clothes.
Sorry, I see you had that in first post...
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