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My Husband and I were hideous, when we met. Bodybuilding, diet, and obsession with clothing changed that. But we were terrified that our kids would grow up to be as ugly as we had been.
What a werid thing to say. You can change your body a bit but you are still the same (hideous?) person inside as you always were. My guess is that by "hideous" you meant "out of shape" and now you think your hard bodies and obsession with looking good is a positive thing. The sad thing is I can't even tell if your post is serious or not.
If my husband and I had a daughter, she would not look that great. My husband has facial features that work for him as a man but would look hard and strange on a woman. I am plain. I had surgery to fix some of my facial flaws, but obviously, a child would inherit the initial stuff. I wouldn't tell a daughter she was ugly, but by college, when she couldn't get a date, she would figure it out.
I would probably explain to my child that I tried to change some of my worst features and offer her the opportunity, once she reached adulthood, to do the same. Appearance doesn't define anyone, and I wouldn't encourage obsession over it, but I'd want my child to have reasonable relationship opportunities as a young adult, and for women, looks do matter.
As far as beauty-based careers are concerned, I wouldn't encourage them, regardless of what a child looked like. Acting I consider to be skill-based.
I think focusing on looks is never a good idea, whether it's good looks or bad. There are so many other attributes that are more appealing, and important, than the way someone looks. My dd is a very beautiful little girl, but I get a little irritated when people harp on her looks and fawn over her. That's the last thing I want her to have a big head about. I make sure she knows the important things that are good about her--her creativity, her outgoing personality, her intelligence, her kindness and consideration towards others...there's a whole, long list of things I would put above her looks.
My Husband and I were hideous, when we met. Bodybuilding, diet, and obsession with clothing changed that. But we were terrified that our kids would grow up to be as ugly as we had been.
So, they were reared in a vegetarian household, where sugar was simply not allowed, and dark, leafy greens were practically worshiped. They were brought into our fitness lifestyle as soon as they could toddle. They were, and are, stunning. We did, however, explain that our own attractiveness (particularly their Father's: he's the one who can take off his shirt and cause traffic accidents) was the result of hard work, and could evaporate with a change of lifestyle.
Actually, it was our Decorator who, when our Daughter would get the big head over adulation, would caution her against relying on her looks. "What matters is getting a money degree and building your portfolio. Plenty of beautiful girls end up in the gutter, and plenty of ugly girls end up as surgeons with multimillion-Dollar mansions and their own medical corporations. Most actresses and most models end up as broke nobodies. Maybe you can catch a rich man and get his money. But lots of pretty girls get dumped by those rich men, when they lose their looks. Then they're old and ugly and poor, without moneymaking skills. Beauty can be a trap. Or it can be a tool."
But a Decorator would know all about that. He's in a profession filled with pretty girls who got design degrees because they were easy (and, you know, you need an easy degree, so you'll have time to be Rush Chairwoman at Ole Miss...and make straight As, which is part of being a perfect little lady...), and because they assumed they could always catch a man to live of of. And there are all the other women with other worthless degrees, who, because they had a high-earning meal ticket and a big house, thought they could launch decorating careers. "Well, everybody just luuuuuves what I did with this house! And they all want my advice!" Broken lives....desperate women....
Eating right and exercising will make you healthy, not beautiful.
There's nothing I could do if I had an unattractive child. What could i do?
Just have to love them and teach.
Well,yes, build up their self esteem.
I'm sure if someone had an unattractive daughter and an attractive daughter,they would give the unattractive daughter more attention. I certainly would.
The world is going to give the attractive one all attention she needs.
Is attractive really the right word to use? You can be beautiful/pretty, but still be unattractive; Conversely, you can be "ugly", but still attractive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Well,yes, build up their self esteem.
I'm sure if someone had an unattractive daughter and an attractive daughter,they would give the unattractive daughter more attention. I certainly would.
The world is going to give the attractive one all attention she needs.
But it's still not the kind of attention the "attractive one" needs.
If anything, it could make it worse for the two daughters. I speak from experience. I was the "attractive" one and my sister wasn't. My mother gave more attention to her, and I was essentially left to fend for myself since I "had (and would have) it easy". Because of that, I don't really have a relationship with my mother, we lack the ability to communicate and understand each other. And having my mother's attention didn't matter at the end either. My sister, even now, is still resentful of her childhood, of people who we knew growing up and of people who lavished any form of attention on me.
Believe me, better to give both daughters equal attention and equal building of character/self-esteem.
I'm sure if someone had an unattractive daughter and an attractive daughter,they would give the unattractive daughter more attention. I certainly would.
The world is going to give the attractive one all attention she needs.
I think this is so WRONG. Why should the attractive get less attention. That is making her pay for something she has no control over. Give both daughters the personal strength to deal with everrything in life. Something might happen to make the attractive one not so pretty anymore and then where is she if she hasn't been taught to treasure things besides her physical appearance.
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