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Old 10-17-2012, 04:53 AM
 
Location: Maine
2,272 posts, read 6,670,074 times
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I agree with the idea of starting with your pediatrician, who may well refer him to a developmental pediatrician, who can arrange for professionals to observe him in the home and daycare to try to ascertain what's going on for the poor little guy.

Also, as others have pointed out, you should examine what is going on around him (i.e. family violence, life changes, etc.) Keep a journal to note down what precedes his outbursts and look for patterns. Note how much sleep he gets, what he is eating, etc. This might be helpful info.

Good luck! I feel for you.
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Old 10-17-2012, 06:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daliowa View Post
Suggest starting with pediatrician. Maybe he's feeling sick, or is in pain, but is unable to verbalize it.

Hearing test is a good idea.

Day care could be too noisy & overstimulating for the little guy.

Also, make sure noone at day care is hurting him. I mean other kids, and adults who work there. He could be reacting to someone hurting him physically, or someone being verbally very mean to him.
I kind of go with the day care could be too noisy and overstimulating. I have one who would completely melt down in loud crowded rooms. He was very well-behaved in quiet settings but would act like a wild animal when around a lot of strangers. Some thing different with the wiring I think.

You could try a home babysitting environment where everything is more relaxed and see if he changes.
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:04 AM
 
14,780 posts, read 43,697,549 times
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We went through similar issues with our youngest that began to manifest around the same time. With us it started with a lack of sleep, literally not sleeping for more then a couple of hours a night. Then the severe tantrums started and they were often triggered for seemingly no reason and included a good deal of violence directed against herself or others.

We have two other older children, we knew what the "terrible two's" were like, we knew what tantrums were like and this was different. We talked to our pediatrician who then referred us to a neuro-developmental pediatrician and gave us some things to look for. We quickly realized that she had speech delays, was extremely sensitive to routine changes, etc. We are still going through the process, of diagnosis and exploration. Her symptoms and issues seemed very much inline with autism, but we have recently had that ruled out. We did however come across a chromosomal abnormality (a small duplication of material that happened spontaneously in utero) and the clinical signs are very much inline with what we are experiencing. The greatest gift so far though was that we had her tested by the schools early intervention program and she is now receiving targeted help for her delays.

We have had to adjust many of our discipline strategies for her and learn her unique triggers. Regular discipline methods simply don't work and can make the situation worse. Her speech issues make her unable to effectively communicate her feelings, which leads to frustration and then she ends up overwhelmed and melting down. We had to learn to prevent that from happening because once it does, there is no stopping it, just containing the damage until she comes down.

So...

1. Go see your pediatrician.
2. Be very critical of your child's ACTUAL development and capabilities.
3. While you should "never compare children", how is he compared to other boys his age in terms of development?
4. DON'T LET THEM BRUSH YOU OFF. If you feel there is something "different" or "not right", fight to get proper help.
5. Start a diary about your son's day. What is his routine, how much does he sleep, when does he have tantrums, what set him off, what did he eat, what did he say, what discipline strategies did you try, etc. This single tool will be a wealth of knowledge to help figure out what might be going on.
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Maine
2,272 posts, read 6,670,074 times
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Great post, NJ

We are going through something similar with our son, although less sever, I think.

He is 6 now, and last year in kindergarten we ended up meeting with the Special Ed folks to talk about his behavior and academics. We all decided to just wait and see how he would do in 1st grade, and just had that meeting yesterday. Based on the statements from his teacher and observations by the school counselor, we are having him tested. Hes a bright boy but is quite delayed in his reading skills. He is pretty immature anyway. He goes in to absolute rages when the outcome he has in his head does not pan out. I really don't like going out in public with him for that reason. He's such a sweet boy, kind an generous, but there is certainly something going on, and we want to know how to help him navigate his world better.

OP -- I would suggest talking to your pediatrician ASAP, as I believe in many places age 3 is the cut of for child development services interventions. Not that there isn't help for 4 years olds, etc, but I have heard it's best if you can get them into the system (if warranted) before 3.
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:15 AM
 
2,779 posts, read 5,501,383 times
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I agree to go to the pediatrician. Your son needs to be evaluated.

That said, my daughter had crazy tantrums at that age. Hour long kicking the wall kind of tantrums. I remember her throwing her shoes at me in the car. My husband and I had serious conversations about concerns for her mental health. She wasn't violent with other kids but she did have tantrums at preschool.

At 8 she is a straight A student who hasn't had a crying fit since she was maybe a young 4. She just had serious toddler control issues but by the time she was 3.5 or so she figured out she couldn't control everything and the tantrums didn't work.

It's actually my kid who never had tantrums that wound up having more issues.

I'm telling you this because I didn't want you just to read negative posts. However, I really do think an evaluation is necessary if only to hear that he is on the extreme end of toddler.
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:18 AM
 
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If you don't get their attention by two it's hard to gain control. Good luck.
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:19 AM
 
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Is he getting enough sleep? I notice my daughter is a total wild child if she doesn't get enough sleep.
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,958 posts, read 45,410,702 times
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For those who are blaming sugar, double-blind studies have been done (multiple studies, same results - that the original researchers said they were "afraid" to tell parents because of the anticipated reaction) on the actual effect of sugar on children. What they show is that sugar tends to make toddlers drowsy, and has no effect on other children. (I say this as a diagnosed hypoglycaemic who is more than aware of the impact of low blood sugar on behavior, by the way, but that's because I have a physical condition, not because of sugar in and of itself.) The interesting thing about the studies has been that when parents think they know that their child has had sugar, but the child hasn't, the parents report more behavioral problems, and when they think the child hasn't had sugar, but the child has, the parents report no or fewer behavioral problems.

So unless your son has hypoglycaemia or something similar (and you should also consider that as a possibility and get it medically, not anecdotally, diagnosed if that's the case because it's a lot easier to learn to control with diet at his age), you can eliminate that as a cause as long as he's getting sufficient calories and nutrition elsewhere. That allows you to focus on other, more likely causes.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, Pa
1,436 posts, read 1,883,196 times
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Time to take him to the doctors. I'm not sure if what you listed could be ADHD, but I have a suspicion that's what it could be.
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:26 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,495 posts, read 26,879,364 times
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I agree with the other posters who suggested a checkup. Your pediatrician can also give you advice on dealing with your son's behavior even if there isn't a physical cause.

I wonder if he could be picking up negative behaviors from other children at the daycare, or acting out to express his unhappiness with something going on at the daycare, if everything is fine at home. Maybe you should make a few random, unscheduled visits during the day and just see how things are going, if he's getting enough attention or seems to be picked on by other kids.

Also, sometimes they go through phases that are just plain difficult.
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