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I would suggest talking to the teacher ahead of time and voicing your concerns. Obviously try to get a good feel for the teachers, the classroom environment, how control and discipline are maintained, etc. A LOT depends on the teacher and how involved/engaged they are. If you ask that they try to keep an eye out for this type of thing for the first while, a good teacher should respect that and do what they can, that's not to say hitting would never happen but at least it would be less likely and/or your son would get the attention and comfort he needs. Also from my experience, the impulsive hitting stage in toddlers is somewhere around 18 months to 2.5, after that they should understand that hitting is bad, and most kids I know over that age don't tend to hit, or rarely do. If there's a problem with a specific child, it needs to be dealt with by the teacher. Also once your son is old enough to understand this, teach him to say 'no!' or 'don't hit!' and to alert the teacher if he is being hurt. He needs to be able to feel safe and confident at school, otherwise he may develop a negativity and fear towards it which can result in stress and anxiety.
P.S. While I wouldn't purposefully teach a child this age to hit back in self-defense, when my son was hit or pushed by another child a few times, I let him push/hit back once without saying anything, only removing him from the situation if it was escalating. I was always too afraid to defend myself as a kid, and I think it's crucial for a boy especially to be able to. Now, when he went through a stage where he hit or pushed others himself, around 2 y.o., it was dealt with strictly and immediately, he was taken out right away and sternly talked to. He has stopped it entirely within a month or so.
I have a 2yo son who began daycare ("school") last year. Unlike my daughter (now 12, but was a hitter/biter as a toddler), he is very laid back and gentle, so I was pretty horrified when the first note came home notifying us he had been bit in class. Things like that never phased me with my daughter because I knew she had either incited it, or would quickly defend herself. But my son? It worried me. As a mom and a former teacher, here is the best advice I can give:
1. Enroll him in a preschool that has a low teacher:student ratio. This lowers the likelihood of a lot going on outside of the teachers' vision/knowing.
2. Read the school handbook to see how aggression is handled in the classroom.
3. Write a friendly letter to his teacher. Express your excitement (as well as first timer nervousness) about your son joining his/her class. Add some helpful details (for example, "he finds ______ especially soothing"). Bringing a dozen donuts or some muffins goes a long way, too. You want to develop a relationship with these people.
4. Spend a little time in the classroom when you can. You will get a feel for the environment and notice how hands on the teachers are with the little ones.
5. If you want to mention your concern directly, do so. Acknowledge that you understand the teacher can't be everywhere every single second and that you know the children are learning how to interact, so you know hitting will happen. Tell him/her that your son doesn't defend himself and you just want him to be safe.
Building a positive, cooperative relationship with the personnel in your son's school is critical. When you do this, teachers will be more likely to share more information with you and be more receptive to your concerns.
A few things to avoid-- 1. Do not try to engage the teacher at a time when he/she needs to be looking after students. It is rude and selfish. Ask him/her when is the best time to chat. 2. Only speaking with the school about complaints. Definitely be sure to acknowledge the positives.
I hope your boy has a wonderful preschool experience!
Parents,
I have a question. Our little guy is home with our nanny and me (I work from home) and has no older siblings and thus has not picked up hitting. He seems perplexed the few times that he has been trying to play with another little toddler and the toddler will hit. He just stands there amazed and looking. He just turned 2. He does not hit, he doesn't bite. I am concerned bc we will start him in preschool in June and I'm concerned that he will be hit by other children (bc I've seen this from time to when we've been around other children). What do we do? How can I ensure that he won't be subjected to this type of behavior? This is a serious question. Our little guy is very affectionate and likes to share and play with other children so he is not going to hit back and, as I said, he doesn't even understand the hitting by other children. Will the teachers be able to watch all children and ensure that this type of thing does not occur? What has been the experience of other parents of young children?
I would skip the preschool and simply bring kids over to your house for play dates. That way you can more closely monitor the behavior of the other children until such time that you can rationally explain to your son that some people hit and why (and what to do about it).
Just any FYI.... not all kids "learn" hitting behaviors just from other kids.
Children who haven't yet developed verbal skills to communicate their needs & desires tend to use their hands to get their message across. It's actually very instinctual.
What does this have to do with the price of tea in China, HeatherLynn822? I'm trying to follow you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherLynn822
Just any FYI.... not all kids "learn" hitting behaviors just from other kids.
Children who haven't yet developed verbal skills to communicate their needs & desires tend to use their hands to get their message across. It's actually very instinctual.
Yes, we have had a nanny and I've been home (working) for the first two years but hubby (a teacher) really thinks that preschool will be good. It will be 3 half days a week so not too much time but still, I'm nervous. We've had great success with playdates and our child loves them. I agree that they are much better for closely monitoring things. Thanks for your comment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
I would skip the preschool and simply bring kids over to your house for play dates. That way you can more closely monitor the behavior of the other children until such time that you can rationally explain to your son that some people hit and why (and what to do about it).
Are you serious? I'm seriously asking. Do you think that this is a good approach for a child who just turned 2? We don't spank so I am not sure how I could get that idea into his head even if I wanted to do so. I'm not so sure about teaching him to hit El Waiboi at age 2.
Quote:
Originally Posted by El_Waiboi
You have to teach him to defend himself from an early age...If a kid hits him, he's gotta hit that kid back!!
I think that the idea of him saying "no" and "don't hit" and going to tell the teacher is a good idea. I will work with him on that. He's pretty smart so I may be able to explain to him. We'll see. I think that all of the tips about bonding with the teacher and learning how the classroom operates and how the teachers operate (there are two teachers in his class of 8-12) will be very useful and go a long way. I am going to do an observation and this will give me a chance to do just that.
Thanks again to every. There is such good advice here.
I appreciate it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie
I would suggest talking to the teacher ahead of time and voicing your concerns. Obviously try to get a good feel for the teachers, the classroom environment, how control and discipline are maintained, etc. A LOT depends on the teacher and how involved/engaged they are. If you ask that they try to keep an eye out for this type of thing for the first while, a good teacher should respect that and do what they can, that's not to say hitting would never happen but at least it would be less likely and/or your son would get the attention and comfort he needs. Also from my experience, the impulsive hitting stage in toddlers is somewhere around 18 months to 2.5, after that they should understand that hitting is bad, and most kids I know over that age don't tend to hit, or rarely do. If there's a problem with a specific child, it needs to be dealt with by the teacher. Also once your son is old enough to understand this, teach him to say 'no!' or 'don't hit!' and to alert the teacher if he is being hurt. He needs to be able to feel safe and confident at school, otherwise he may develop a negativity and fear towards it which can result in stress and anxiety.
P.S. While I wouldn't purposefully teach a child this age to hit back in self-defense, when my son was hit or pushed by another child a few times, I let him push/hit back once without saying anything, only removing him from the situation if it was escalating. I was always too afraid to defend myself as a kid, and I think it's crucial for a boy especially to be able to. Now, when he went through a stage where he hit or pushed others himself, around 2 y.o., it was dealt with strictly and immediately, he was taken out right away and sternly talked to. He has stopped it entirely within a month or so.
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