Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP: I do see difficulty ahead for you. You keep talking about some sort of 24th of May deadline..
Surely you do not think that some miracle is going to happen between now and May 24th ? Even if you managed to get a few counseling sessions in between now and then, it can take many months of counseling to see results. This is not an easy fix. You have a mess of 18 years standing to unscrew, it's going to take a lot of time,not a couple of weeks. You may want to figure out what is really going to happen on May 24th.
A boy who isn't motivated to do well in high school isn't going to suddenly find the motivation to succeed in college. You would just be throwing your money away.
Here's what I would do, in fact, what my husband has done in the past; take junior out for a meal, and have a heart to heart without Mom. Ask him what his goals are, and what you can do to help him achieve them. Then ask him what steps he intends to take to get there. Again, leave Mom home. Talk to him as if he was the adult you hope to see him become.
A boy who isn't motivated to do well in high school isn't going to suddenly find the motivation to succeed in college. You would just be throwing your money away.
Here's what I would do, in fact, what my husband has done in the past; take junior out for a meal, and have a heart to heart without Mom. Ask him what his goals are, and what you can do to help him achieve them. Then ask him what steps he intends to take to get there. Again, leave Mom home. Talk to him as if he was the adult you hope to see him become.
That is a great idea Mattie....I second that suggestion. If he doesn't respond, what did you lose? the cost of a meal? Can't hurt...
Irish, why not look and see what trade schools are in your area? Maybe your son would like to be an electrician, plumber, cook, radiation technician, welder, steam and pipe fitter, machinist, mechanic, or industrial engineer. The possibilities are endless, but don't allow him to sit on the sidelines.
A boy who isn't motivated to do well in high school isn't going to suddenly find the motivation to succeed in college. You would just be throwing your money away.
Here's what I would do, in fact, what my husband has done in the past; take junior out for a meal, and have a heart to heart without Mom. Ask him what his goals are, and what you can do to help him achieve them. Then ask him what steps he intends to take to get there. Again, leave Mom home. Talk to him as if he was the adult you hope to see him become.
This exactly.
And speak to him like an adult - not in an accusatory way but in a curious and helpful way. What are his plans and how can you help him achieve them? Forget the May 24th thing. Ain't gonna happen so let it go and focus on helping him figure out what he wants to do and setting up a plan to get there. In the long run, that will be most effective.
I'm calling off the events of May 24th and am planning on dinner. At some point during the dinner, I will tell him that soon there will be a sit down with his mother and myself, that he'd better be prepared to talk seriously about his future.
I'm calling off the events of May 24th and am planning on dinner. At some point during the dinner, I will tell him that soon there will be a sit down with his mother and myself, that he'd better be prepared to talk seriously about his future.
His mother keeps throwing a wrench into you plans. Have a father and son get together, outside the house. Did you already give him the May24TH deadline? Don't keep changing plans, it makes you appear unsure. You need to think things though, before approaching your son.
I'm calling off the events of May 24th and am planning on dinner. At some point during the dinner, I will tell him that soon there will be a sit down with his mother and myself, that he'd better be prepared to talk seriously about his future.
So in other words, you're a glutton for punishment? Especially since your wife is not only not on the same page as you, but actively tells son that he doesn't need to be prepared to talk seriously about his future.
Well, I hope you don't come back and complain that your wife undermined you once again. Because this be the case where you undermined yourself.
I'm calling off the events of May 24th and am planning on dinner. At some point during the dinner, I will tell him that soon there will be a sit down with his mother and myself, that he'd better be prepared to talk seriously about his future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zonababe
His mother keeps throwing a wrench into you plans. Have a father and son get together, outside the house. Did you already give him the May24TH deadline? Don't keep changing plans, it makes you appear unsure. You need to think things though, before approaching your son.
Yes. You can't go from having no input to being a hard*ss overnight and expect a good outcome. Before you make any grand pronouncements find out what is going on with him and begin counseling. One step at a time. You have no idea what your wife will or will not support you doing so don't paint yourself into a corner you'll end up trying to back out of.
I'm calling off the events of May 24th and am planning on dinner. At some point during the dinner, I will tell him that soon there will be a sit down with his mother and myself, that he'd better be prepared to talk seriously about his future.
Bad idea. Don't go into this accusingly, try to get him to open up about what he sees for himself in the future. I would avoid a sit down with your wife and him for a long, LONG, time. Maybe after a couple of months of counseling (for you). They will play you if you try to go down that road, you need to learn how to handle that type of situation first.
Good luck, perhaps the 2 of you outside the house (you and your son) will be the chance for him to really say something. But if he doesn't, then continue with your plan for counseling. I don't see anything being done with him until either your wife attends counseling and sees what she is doing wrong (which we all know isn't going to happen), or you learn some other coping mechanisms for this situation. I certainly hope you can move forward with this.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
