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1. This is a decent decision. Maybe not quite so strict about it.
2. Let him play Call of Duty.
3. This is one of the worst parental decisions of all time.
4. This is actually a good decision.
5. Let him bring the iPad to the dinner table, screen time is the king of life.
6. If he has nothing to wake up for the next morning, let him stay up as late as he wants.
7. Very good decision, staying on top of his school stuff.
This person sounds like a high-schooler. Disregard this advice entirely.
Well, you are either a child or a person pretending to have one, you aren'tboth. Having a "12 year old son" or you had an iPad as a kid. Which one is it?
Is this some sort of joke? Martial arts are about discipline. The instructor was trying to instill discipline in him and you reacted by pulling him out of the class and concluded that the instructor didn't like him....That's crazy. When my sons played pee wee football they had to run and do push ups for each behavioral infraction. That's how they learn to behave.
As for your OP:
As far as math, maybe he needs resource math. Maybe allowing him to fail and being placed in resource math will teach him that you were right! I would encourage him to practice, but I wouldn't get crazy if he goes to resource math. He may benefit from it.
I wouldn't allow a 9 year old to play COD. There are plenty of other, appropriate games out there for 9 year olds.
Placing limits on screen time makes sense if a child is so addicted to screens that he doesn't do anything else. You might try the opposite approach which is, "If your homework is done, you have practiced your multiplication tables and you have taken care of everything you may play whatever you like." This approach allows him to decide that he will do all of the things he needs to do so that he can do the things he wants to do. It puts the responsibility on him and rewards him for doing his work.
I would stop the fighting about food. He won't starve himself. He may miss a meal or two but he will eat if he is hungry. You already have enough incentive for him to fight you. I would drop this battle.
I wouldn't let my kids bring an ipad to the dinner table either.
Bedtimes are a good idea for young kids, but you might limit the fighting by allowing him to read in bed if he says he is not tired. You should make sure his bedtime is appropriate. A 9 year old can usually stay up later than a 4 or 5 year old.
Of course you check his schoolwork. He is a child.
If you want to know the truth, I think he is ruling the roost here. Why in the world are you questioning your parenting just because your child says he hates you? It would appear that he knows you can be manipulated if he pushes your buttons.
My kid would not have an iPad period, not at 9 years old, and especially not allowed to get on any kind of social media like youtube. That is way too young, and there are reasons why age limits are set.
My kid would also NEVER be allowed to play a violent game like Call of Duty.
I also just saw you making excuses for his behavior by taking him out of martial arts because the instructor came down on him? That is the single-most idiotic parenting decision I have ever heard of.
The instructor probably came down on him because he was the instigator. So, by not supporting the instructor's actions, you basically told your son that being a little jerk is okay and that he doesn't need to be disciplined. Way to go. No wonder he acts this way towards you.
As far as other children being pulled, no doubt they are more of the helicopter parent types that feel little Johnny shouldn't be made to behave by anyone other than their precious Mommy.
smh
Last edited by convextech; 08-29-2013 at 08:55 AM..
We tried Tae Kwon Do and he liked it but his instructor didn't like him. The last day I had him in class they were working on sparing with a new move and he was joking by saying "don't kill me" and laughing. Everyone in the class was doing that but the instructor called him out, made him do push ups, and then told him if he didn't curb his "adhd" then he would put him back into the beginner class. That didn't sit well with me and I pulled him that night. Kids will be kids and if you want an adult only class then it needs to be set up that way. He was almost 8 at the time and was really getting into it. Now I can't even get him to consider trying a different school since we moved.
You pulled him out for that? Because he was singled-out and disciplined? Well, it happens, and sometimes the right thing to do is just take your licks and smarten up next time. But you pulled him out because of it and assumed the instructor didn't like him (did he say that, or is that your assumption?).
He is mean towards family because, for some reason, he feels he can take his frustrations out on family and that it is acceptable to do so. He is lashing out for some reason, I don't know why. Do you think this is from a lack of a father figure? I know as a mother, sometimes we struggle to really enforce the harder discipline that boys need from a male figure. There are times where my husband will arbitrary discipline one of our sons than the other, usually when he misunderstands the situation, but it happens as disciplinarians are only human themselves.
Which is exactly what the martial arts instructor did and you removed him from the situation instead of him learning to take some licks and move on from an 'unfair' incident.
You pulled him out for that? Because he was singled-out and disciplined? Well, it happens, and sometimes the right thing to do is just take your licks and smarten up next time. But you pulled him out because of it and assumed the instructor didn't like him (did he say that, or is that your assumption?).
Well, when a grown man berates a kid for doing the same thing everyone else in the class was doing (and I know because I was sitting on the sidelines with the other parents) and uses the terms "adhd" and "baby" then I have an issue. Not only does my son not have adhd (not that there's anything wrong with it, my nephew has it) but he is not being a baby when he is behaving like the other students. He hounded my son in front of the others and made comments about him being a "momma's boy" who needs to learn to be a "man". This was a class offered through the recreation center for everyone. He spent 3 months in beginners (3 days a week) plus practiced at home because he really loved it. As soon as he was promoted to intermediate class (4 days a week) things changed. The instructor took issue with all the kids and eventually they all quit. I just think he went overboard and removed him from the class. On one occasion they were learning how to spar and my son kept flinching and so he made it run laps and do push ups (I kept quiet on this) but then the next night when my son flinched he grabbed him by his shirt and threw him to the ground (on a mat) and kept "play punching" (no contact) his face until my son cried because he was scared. Let's face it, the instructor is a 6'4" body builder and my son is 4 foot nothing and weighs under 50 pounds...I'd be terrified too. He then laughed at him, pulled him up and told him to come back next time. The singling out was just the last straw for me, not the one and only occurrence.
Well, what did you say to the instructor when you witnessed him being mean to your son? Calling him ADHD, momma's boy, 'man up', baby, and all that? Did you watch him do all these horrible things and then pull him out later?
I'm curious, is this all what you've witnessed or is this your son relaying things another "mean person" has said?
If you are asking for advice on what to do, it is hard to hear, I know I have two boys myself. The thing is, either your son is a bad kid (which I am sure he is not), or perhaps you could be doing some things better (or change the situation), which is far more likely. That is going to be very hard to hear, but if you are going to be defensive, then things will not change.
Chances are that you are actually quite the opposite of "mean" and he may be struggling with an attitude because he does not have a strong male discipline figure in his life.
Well, when a grown man berates a kid for doing the same thing everyone else in the class was doing (and I know because I was sitting on the sidelines with the other parents) and uses the terms "adhd" and "baby" then I have an issue. Not only does my son not have adhd (not that there's anything wrong with it, my nephew has it) but he is not being a baby when he is behaving like the other students. He hounded my son in front of the others and made comments about him being a "momma's boy" who needs to learn to be a "man". This was a class offered through the recreation center for everyone. He spent 3 months in beginners (3 days a week) plus practiced at home because he really loved it. As soon as he was promoted to intermediate class (4 days a week) things changed. The instructor took issue with all the kids and eventually they all quit. I just think he went overboard and removed him from the class. On one occasion they were learning how to spar and my son kept flinching and so he made it run laps and do push ups (I kept quiet on this) but then the next night when my son flinched he grabbed him by his shirt and threw him to the ground (on a mat) and kept "play punching" (no contact) his face until my son cried because he was scared. Let's face it, the instructor is a 6'4" body builder and my son is 4 foot nothing and weighs under 50 pounds...I'd be terrified too. He then laughed at him, pulled him up and told him to come back next time. The singling out was just the last straw for me, not the one and only occurrence.
Well I am not nuts about the manner in which this instructor attempted to get his lessons across either. But I understand the lessons. Which is all that they were. TKD is a martial art. It is physical and it is fighting. That is what it IS. And sometimes it is scary.
That said. Maybe this was not the correct TKD class for your son. But forget about the approriateness of the class. What message did YOU send by pulling him out.
- He only has to behave if everyone else is behaving.
- Give up when you get scared.
A discussion WITH your son that involved identifying the problem (if your son perceived their was one) and brainstorming solutions would have been better IMO.
Long story short, it's never been a postcard relationship between my son and I (but hardly talk show or therapy bad) but ever since this summer started it has gone downhill fast. He just turned 9 and is a mean little bugger...but only toward family. He says he hates me because I am SO mean (I've been hated many times before but not for this long) and so he is not going to listen to me or do what I say. Let's face it, in a single parent household you have to play good cop and bad cop. He only acts up toward me and his grandmother. After having a discussion with him tonight here are his new "ways I am SO mean":
1. I am all ocd about his multiplication (he has to pass his test in two weeks and has to practice because he refuses to complete them in time so he has to do 2 timed tests at night to get faster--1 min tests).
2. I won't let him play Call of Duty like the other boys.
3. I limit his computer time and youtube time.
4. I won't let him leave the table without eating at least one bite of food at dinner.
5. I won't let him bring the ipad to the dinner table.
6. I won't let him stay up until he wants to go to bed.
and last but not least (and my personal favorite) I make him do his homework and check on his class work on a daily basis.
Well, I know I will never be the best parent, nor do I want to be, but there are things that need to be done. He needs to pass the test to move on in his math (not to mention the fact that he knows his times table he just refuses to complete it in time), his homework needs to be completed, and he needs to eat. These are not the fun years.
I try to be civil to him but it is beyond difficult right now. Every time I open my mouth to talk to him he responds with words that sound just like talking kitty (youtube it if you don't know talking kitty---very funny). He has always emulated other kids rather than being himself and this is becoming more of a problem. We recently moved into a house so he could finally have a yard and somewhere outside to play...but the neighbors have a daughter that is out of control (they claim she has autism but I really doubt it) and mouths off like many 8 year olds. She talks all about how she doesn't listen, clean up behind her, or do anything that her mom says to do, etc. My son soaks this up (even though he denies it) and it is affecting our home. Ever since school started they only play at lunch recess because I keep him busy with his homework or doing other things. I do let them play on weekends which adds to my being a "mean mom who doesn't let me play whenever I want".
Good lord tell me this stage will pass quickly...I will not survive with my sanity intact.
Just a quick point that is a little off topic. But a some of us actually have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and it's a tad insulting when people try to link something they do like that, with an actual mental illness. Not trying to be rude, just informative is all .
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Obviously not a parent.
This, this, this
