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Don't look at it as your daughter being "verbally assaulted". They're baiting her; that's how toxic families continue their dysfunction within the family. Your daughter will now forever be linked to that via the baby girl. She'll need to disengage and not fall into that trap, which can be a complete rabbit hole. Ignore any bait and keep neutral. She needs to start this now so that she'll be experienced by the time the daughter is older and is in need of learning this skill.
Don't look at it as your daughter being "verbally assaulted". They're baiting her; that's how toxic families continue their dysfunction within the family. Your daughter will now forever be linked to that via the baby girl. She'll need to disengage and not fall into that trap, which can be a complete rabbit hole. Ignore any bait and keep neutral. She needs to start this now so that she'll be experienced by the time the daughter is older and is in need of learning this skill.
I agree she needs to learn how to have a thick skin so she doesn't get manipulated into drama.
The FOB is a 21 year old GROWN MAN (or very close to 21).
He knows EXACTLY what kind of emotional damage he's doing to Jersey's daughter by saying he thinks this is another mans baby. As others have said, he can subtract, he knows this is his baby.
Since day one, he and his crazy family have been hinting that she's trapping him, that there's another father. Personally, I think that borders on emotional abuse.
Now (with his baby in his arms) he's tracking down the mother in another part of the house so he can make her feel horrible? Big red flag.
Maybe it would be best for the baby not around him until he's willing/able to have a healthy relationship. How can he have a healthy relationship with a child who he refuses to financially support and who he claims isn't even his?
I don't know the guy but would like to (((ring his neck)))!!!
The FOB is a 21 year old GROWN MAN (or very close to 21).
He knows EXACTLY what kind of emotional damage he's doing to Jersey's daughter by saying he thinks this is another mans baby. As others have said, he can subtract, he knows this is his baby.
Since day one, he and his crazy family have been hinting that she's trapping him, that there's another father. Personally, I think that borders on emotional abuse.
Now (with his baby in his arms) he's tracking down the mother in another part of the house so he can make her feel horrible? Big red flag.
Maybe it would be best for the baby not around him until he's willing/able to have a healthy relationship. How can he have a healthy relationship with a child who he refuses to financially support and who he claims isn't even his?
I don't know the guy but would like to (((ring his neck)))!!!
I understand what you're saying. She will get legal advice tomorrow. I don't want him to stop seeing the baby but I do want him to not have too much interaction with my daughter. Unfortunately she does need to be nearby because of the feeding and colic.
Let's not forget this is a one month old baby. Still unpredictable.
I know as a mom watching this, I can't wait until the paternity test is done. That will take away this hanging it over her head.
Don't look at it as your daughter being "verbally assaulted". They're baitingher; that's how toxic families continue their dysfunction within the family. Your daughter will now forever be linked to that via the baby girl. She'll need to disengage and not fall into that trap, which can be a complete rabbit hole. Ignore any bait and keep neutral. She needs to start this now so that she'll be experienced by the time the daughter is older and is in need of learning this skill.
Please talk me down here. The fob came over to see the baby today and while holding her, went and found my daughter and told her he wasn't sure she was his, because when they were together, she went to visit a friend at college one weekend.
Well if that was the case she would have been pregnant for 13 months! My daughter got angry and asked him to leave.
I told her to not worry about it and focus her energy on taking care of the baby. I'm fuming!
Then the fob's dad texted my husband wanting to know if there was a problem and what should WE do about the baby situation.
He answered him by simply stating that the baby situation is up to the baby's mother and father to work out.
So, I'm going to state this and hope you are able to see the long term benefits to your daughter's sanity. Pay for the paternity test. But as a condition of doing so, he has to agree to not seek visitation as she will not seek child support. In other words, he needs to voluntarily terminate his parental rights. Why? Because your daughter and your family will be dealing with this dysfunction for 18+ years!
At the juncture, she needs to just take control and move on with her life. And yes, the financial burden will initially fall on you and your husband until she's able to be fully independent. Don't just go after child support because he's the father...all money ain't good money. I think your instincts are right about this.
In 5 or 10 years if he's matured, then he can see the child if your daughter feels comfortable. It's a fallacy that he or she should have unconditional access to the child. That works in most cases, and in others it's not feasible. He's being controlled and cannot make decisions for himself. Your daughter is stressed and that will eventually affect the baby. He's got a lot of maturing to do but it should be done in the least intrusive manner to your family and grandchild.
I'm appalled by his remark. So I suggest she call his bluff. Shut him down know or you'll never hear the end of it or live in peace. Give him the ultimatum. Once he's faced with the real possibility of being removed from his daughter's life, either his tune will change or his true colors will show and he'll leave. You can't force someone to be a parent, financially or emotionally.
Not sure I agree with this approach Jaded. Won't it just play into his and his family's contention that he isn't the father and she is afraid that will come out so she isn't willing to have the test. As immature as he is now there is some hope he may get away from his controlling negative family and eventually see he has a responsibility to his child.
And he may see no reason now to have contact with his child but someday the child will internalize that she was somehow not good enough to have her father in her life. Kids have a way of turning everything inside out and blame themselves for everything. That is why kids of divorce can have so many problems.
Since they and both families live in the same town eventually it will get out that mob decided she didn't want a DNA test and let him off the hook cause she was afraid her lie would catch up with her. Gossips would have a hay day and I think the situation will be even worse.
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