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There are bold, fearless and rough matcho men, and then there are soft and gentle men, who are quiet spoken and shy until they get to know people.
My guy is typically soft and gentle, quiet spoken and shy. He raised 4 boys and 3 girls with great compassion. (of course all his kids can hang drywall and some are master carpenters) ANYWAY, do NOT mess with this quiet, gentle man because he's much like a bear when poked. He can rip your head off! And I love him!
Thank you everyone for your comments and input on the situation.
I guess I was wrong in trying to change who he is and will just leave him alone from now on. I realize now that you really can't change anyone and trying to do so is futile and doomed to fail.
Again thanks for everyone's input.
Please don't just leave him alone. If you're going to be in his life, be good to him. Take him hiking and if he skips and trips, pick him up, dust him off, give him a smile and carry on. Do your best to love him just the way he is and you two can be a blessing in each others' lives.
I'm back with a different questions for you folks. Some may be familiar with my family situation from a previous thread I started last week but for those that aren't here is a brief rundown.
My GF has a son, Robert, who is 7 years old. She has raised him all his life with no male authority figure in his life until I came into his life 2 years ago. I knew it would be a difficult situation since the first day I met him because he was so different from my own son who is 2 years younger. I had raised my son to be your average boy which meant he liked cars, playing in the dirt, shooting toy guns, playing sports etc. I never babied him if he ever tripped and fell. I would just tell him to get up and walk it off. He loves all things boys love. Loves light sabers and Star Wars. Loves working with me on cars. Loves shooting his Nerf guns. Loves playing ball....all your average boy things.
Robert, on the other hand, is very sensitive. Of course this is probably due to the fact that he was raised by mom and no other guys were ever around. It was always mom so therefore mom probably babied him more than she should have as as a result he's afraid and nervous of darn near anything. He's afraid of cowboys. He cringes and hides when any kind of action/fight scenes happen in a movie. He's very shy and won't play with other kids at the playground whereas Andrew is a social butterfly and will go up to and talk to anyone and everyone.
So ever since I became a part of his life and his first male authority figure I have been doing my best to try and get him to come out of his shell and not be so afraid of everything. He cries easily and is very sensitive so I am really at a loss. My GF thinks it's normal for him to be the way he is and I have to disagree although I do know that every child is different but I had to at least try and get him to be a bit more "normal".
I'm just worried that if he continues being the way he is that he will become a natural target for bullies when he gets a little older. Luckily we live in a small mountain town that doesn't have that many kids but bullies exist everywhere.
His latest thing that is driving me absolutely crazy and I can't get him to stop is his constant skipping and prancing. Seriously, he doesn't walk anymore. He skips and prances everywhere we go and at first it was funny but not so much anymore and I even asked him if other kids in his class skipped and he says he's the only one. Maybe I should enroll him in a dance class, I don't know. He was even doing the skipping on the last little hike we did and of course he tripped on something and fell. Told him it wouldn't have happened if he were walking like everyone else but he didn't pay attention and just kept right on skipping.
I know I probably sound way too critical of a 7 year old but if I didn't care about him then I wouldn't care what he did or how he acted but the fact is that I do care and that is why I'm trying to do what I can to help.
What can I do?
Wondering if you would dare to let your girlfriend read your two threads here?
Some boys are born with no concern for the things you hold dear. If he marches to the beat of a different drum, then he may be a thinker and will grow out of being afraid of things. It is possible that he has undergone some form of trauma. You need to give him time. You must not put him down in any form. Or try to inculcate him with your own ideas of manhood and your cult of masculinity. The world has never moved ahead thanks to Alexander the blander or Attila the Ho hum.
Thank you everyone for your comments and input on the situation.
I guess I was wrong in trying to change who he is and will just leave him alone from now on. I realize now that you really can't change anyone and trying to do so is futile and doomed to fail.
Again thanks for everyone's input.
So happy to see this this morning. I was thinking last night "Wonder if that guy really took in what we were trying to tell him? Wonder if anything we said will affect how he interacts with this poor boy?"
Obviously you did listen and I wish you well. You can have a very positive influence in his life without having to mold him into what you think a real man should be. He just may surprise you.
Children are born with their personalities, their likes and their dislikes. As parents (or step-parents), the best thing we can do for them is get to know them and make them feel loved for who they are, especially if they're not harming anyone in being themselves. A sensitive boy will have a hard row to hoe in this world, even without a parent who doesn't accept him as he is, so I hope you can trust that who he is is exactly who he's meant to be, and that he's also in your life for a reason. I hope you can open your heart to him - a loved, accepted kid is the foundation for a healthy, well-adjusted adult.
Why don't you "man up" yourself??? I've found that most of these "men" who are trying to "man up" their son (or in your case, g/f's son) are usually big losers themselves who can't truly be a "MAN" so they project that onto the child.
Another thing, he's not your son so back off! If that were my son, I'd have shown you the door long ago.
Please don't just leave him alone. If you're going to be in his life, be good to him. Take him hiking and if he skips and trips, pick him up, dust him off, give him a smile and carry on. Do your best to love him just the way he is and you two can be a blessing in each others' lives.
You're right...I hope the OP doesn't go with either one extreme or the other....Just be the lil guys friend OP, there's no need for you to try and change him...just be a friend to him.
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My guy is typically soft and gentle, quiet spoken and shy. He raised 4 boys and 3 girls with great compassion. (of course all his kids can hang drywall and some are master carpenters) ANYWAY, do NOT mess with this quiet, gentle man because he's much like a bear when poked. He can rip your head off! And I love him! 
