Started Middle School and not going well, HELP! (party, average, games)

[MamaRed]

My son is friends with a girl who has a brother who is 2 years younger. In middle school the boy was small for his age, hyperactive, and generally annoying. His parents were very aware that he was annoying, and tried hard to point him in the right direction. My son was nearly 6 feet in middle school, is a quiet, well-mannered, well-liked kid, who is highly regarded in his sports, and this other boy has always looked up to him. We talked to my son about it and he agreed to keep an eye out for the boy. The other boy was told my son would be around and that he should probably listen to him. The boys were friends, our families were friends, and it was all cool. The boy joined the same sports as my son, so they spent a lot of time together. When the boy was playing around appropriately everyone played along. When he crossed over into "annoying" my son would tell him to chill out, or even lean on him to calm him down. The boy listened and ended up making lots of friends. See, he knew he was annoying, and he didn't want to be, but he really didn't recognize when he had crossed the line. Having a peer help him in specific situations helped him see when he was putting people off.

[ThugLyfe]

Maybe show him some John Hughes movies from the 80's. Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, etc. That's how most of us in our late 30s-early 40s learned.

[Tell-the-Truth]

First, I'm a mom of two boys the youngest is currently in 7th grade, so I get it! I agree with somebodynew spot on.

These kids will send you thru the ringer with their social lives. One particular child in the neighborhood was picking fights with my son, my "momma bear" wanted to kick in full throttle. Not even a week later he's asking to go outside to play with the same child, apparently, they were now friends

I agree with the poster who says cry in private. I don't agree with any pitying. It's a part of the world we live in. State the facts, work on any behaviors that need adjusting, if any, explain the world to your son, assure him he is fabulous and please, move on!!!

ETA: let me clarify, sympathizing with our children I do not consider to be pitying. Pitying is.......pitying

[haggardhouseelf]

Our oldest son went through a tough time in the 6th grade. Just about all of his friends suddenly became "jocks" once they entered middle school, and our son was not interested in sports at all by that point. His old friends started treating him differently, and it made for a tough first-quarter of the year.

Without my son knowing, I arranged a meeting with the vice principal who at our school dealt with bullying and social issues. I explained to him what was going on, and how my son was struggling to find a new group of friends to hang out with, mainly at lunch, because his old group of friends didn't really want to hang out with him anymore since he didn't play sports with them or had any interest in even talking about sports.

The vice principal assured me that my son was not alone, that lots of other kids - mostly 6th graders but some older kids as well - were struggling to find their place. He said it was very common for kids at this age to try out different friendships, make-up and break-up frequently and basically experiment with various social concepts and strategies. Some kids more than others.

He knew my son had an interest in all things techie/computer/IT, etc. so to make a long story short - he casually arranged it so that my son and some of the other kids got involved in the broadcasting and digital media lab and hooked up with those kids. Presto. From that moment on my kid had an awesome middle school experience, and he's still friends with those kids he met back then to this day (he's now a senior in h.s. planning on pursuing a career in automotive mechanics, which, as most of us know is highly computer-driven now... you can't hardly do anything to a car these days without it being hooked up to a computer...).

Anyway - to the OP - I'd suggest a calming and reassuring presence for your son Don't let him know you're worried or upset... let him know "it's all going to be OK...", "middle school is a tricky time, everybody is just growing and figuring out who they are...", etc. ...

And then, without him knowing, I would suggest talking to someone at his school. Teachers are overwhelmed and probably won't be much help... but the vice principal, a counselor... start with the front office person. Ask for a private conversation and maybe they can direct you to the appropriate person.

It will be helpful for you to find a set of eyes and ears at the school who can monitor the situation for you so that you know what's going on. Because also, sometimes what kids tell us when they get home isn't the whole story or the real story. I don't mean that kids lie (some do, some don't) it's just that at the middle school age someones what they perceive to be what's happening isn't really what's happening. This extra set of eyes and ears could even be a friend who volunteers during your son's lunch time, who can keep a watch over what's going on without your son knowing.

[Kaleetan]

I hate the "middle school is the worst time blah blah blah" nonsense because although it is different than elementary it is even better because you have more freedom and responsibility. I really enjoyed middle school, having more teachers, making new friends. And the pre-adults (I refuse to call middle schoolers "kids") are really funny. When I was in middle school I joked around with my friends about "sticky white snow." I don't know why your son is having a hard time.

[reebo]

Of course, because if that was your experience, it was everyone's experience, yes? Your compassion is underwhelming.

Middle school was okay, but definitely was an awkward 1/2 kid, 1/2 almost adult situation. Hormones are raging, everyone's trying to figure out where they fit in, but no one even knows who they are yet. That can be tough for less confident kids.

[goodbyesnow]

I have girls and they have both gone through this. One was shunned because she didn't follow the fashion trends.Friends she had all through grade school didnt want to be her friend. They are both shy, so people don't flock to them. One said she often eats alone because none of her friends from last year want to sit with her. One kid started telling other kids not to talk to my daughter because she is weird, so a group of kids now avoids her and tells her she's weird. It is a very tough age for most, and as a mom to 4 and a teacher for 15 years, I can say that kids are mean. You can have a best friend one minute and they wont talk to you the next if you do anything they don't agree with. I agree middle school is the worst. I've encouraged my girls to try to be more outgoing without being annoying, but they are like me-pretty quiet around people we don't know. the quiet ones do often get picked on and isolated. Sometimes the ones that get picked on really are odd-like the kid that is too silly, too immature, too gross, etc. but that often isnt the case.

[sade693]

Can you get him involved in activities outside of school so that he can at least have friends outside the classroom?

I don't want to be the pessimist in this thread, but I'm only 20 and remember middle and high school very well. Generally the kids deemed social pariahs stayed social pariahs throughout middle school and, for many of them, throughout high school as well (this was the public school system, so they were with the same people k-12). It wasn't easy for any of those kids during the school day, but taking part in extracurricular activities helped a ton.

[Mattie]

OP, you said this is your youngest, and he has two older siblings? In my experience, siblings are pretty spot on in recognizing annoying traits in each other. Maybe they can shed some light, and give your youngest some pointers.

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by Mattie

In my experience, siblings are pretty spot on in recognizing annoying traits in each other. Maybe they can shed some light, and give your youngest some pointers.

^^this^^