WWYD in my situation (parents, boy, snacks, appropriate)

[PinkWhiteBlue]

Hi all parents who's reading this, thank you first of all! I would really like to get some suggestions on what I should do in my situation.

We moved to this new neighborhood a couple of months ago and immediately my son made friends with our neighbor's boy, who are about similar age, 7 years old. They get along well most of the times and play together every day both at school and at either home. With time going on, we found there are some issues with the neighbor's boy. He has the habit of lying about all kinds of things, stealing toys/chocolate/snacks while in our house (even if we give him want he asks for already), can't control his anger for trivial things, and even more, accusing my son of wrong things that he had done to see my son get punished instead. In cases like these, my son would be in tears ans ask us: "Mom/Dad, why does he say/do that?" But afterwards, he still wants to play with him, because he does not have other friends now.

Now as parents, we don't know what to do. The boy's parents seem to be very nice and friendly people, but may not have noticed or realized the severity of his problems (we guess). It is definitely not our place to talk about their child, but we don't want our boy to be frustrated and upset, or impacted by his friend's behavior. We don't want to close our doors for our neighbor either. What would you do in this case?

Thanks in advance for any helpful suggestions!

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by PinkWhiteBlue

Hi all parents who's reading this, thank you first of all! I would really like to get some suggestions on what I should do in my situation.

We moved to this new neighborhood a couple of months ago and immediately my son made friends with our neighbor's boy, who are about similar age, 7 years old. They get along well most of the times and play together every day both at school and at either home. With time going on, we found there are some issues with the neighbor's boy. He has the habit of lying about all kinds of things, stealing toys/chocolate/snacks while in our house (even if we give him want he asks for already), can't control his anger for trivial things, and even more, accusing my son of wrong things that he had done to see my son get punished instead. In cases like these, my son would be in tears ans ask us: "Mom/Dad, why does he say/do that?" But afterwards, he still wants to play with him, because he does not have other friends now.

Now as parents, we don't know what to do. The boy's parents seem to be very nice and friendly people, but may not have noticed or realized the severity of his problems (we guess). It is definitely not our place to talk about their child, but we don't want our boy to be frustrated and upset, or impacted by his friend's behavior. We don't want to close our doors for our neighbor either. What would you do in this case?

Thanks in advance for any helpful suggestions!

A situation like this is best handled with sensitivity and diplomacy. And good for you for being willing to help and not "close your doors to your neighbors".

The boy clearly has some kind of issue. It is unlikely the parents are completely unaware of this, however, they will most likely be defensive if you bring it up to them before they get to know you well.

What worked for us in a similar situation was to treat the neighbor child with kindness, while gently reprimanding him and giving him consequences for misbehavior in our home.

In other words, we frequently praised him and let him know we liked him, that he was really welcome in our home.

Then when he did something wrong or inappropriate we acted swiftly, but calmly, to let him know that was not okay. Without raising our voices or sounding mean we simply stated "that behavior is not allowed in our home, so playtime is over for today. You can come back again tomorrow to try again."

The key is consistency and firmness with your expectations of behavior and the consequences when your expectations are not met.

Over time the boy's behavior did improve in our home.

When I did finally talk to the other mother I tried not to put her on the defensive by speaking as kindly as I could. I tried to show empathy for her situation which allowed her to let down her defenses and share with me what exactly the issues were. I remember her being very relieved that I was not judging her or trying to tell her what she had to do. By letting her know we really liked her boy she was better able to hear me when I explained why I would sometimes send him home or not allow him to play with my son.

I believe the way we handled the boy really helped him in the long run.

I wish you the best in getting similar results!

[PinkWhiteBlue]

lovesMountains, thanks so much for your reply! We'll try to do the same as you suggested to see if it works.

[Mattie]

I don't think anybody can top the suggestion LovesMountains has made OP. It is perfect.

[Inkpoe]

I would also suggest you put your son in community activities so that he can get more exposure to other kids and not be limited in the friends department.