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I agree with most of the above. Looking back I think my parents did a pretty good job but a few things I had trouble with were:
Renting an apartment. I didn't know how to go about doing it, I didn't know that utilities needed to be turned on, deposits required, renters insurance, etc. While I was given good budgeting skills I just needed to know all the stuff involved.
Interview and resume skills. I had a stellar education but no experience with this stuff.
A healthy sense of skepticism. While I was born cynical my sweet husband was taken advantage of several times when we were in our early 20s. For example, cancel the first check before you write a replacement one! And don't lend things or money to anyone.
And maybe that it isn't easy. I kind of wish my parents had sat me down at some point and said that starting out on your own is tough. It can be lonely, you can feel like a failure, relationships are hard, all that stuff.
They also need a reality check about how expensive being a responsible pet owner can be. Most pets are surrendered because the owners can't afford food, classes, and vet care. Also they don't consider how many hours they will be away from home and how this affects their pet.
This is an excellent one which I hadn't thought of. My son is in graduate school and had enough sense to turn down a kitten that a friend's cat had last spring. He knew from me talking about how much our various pets' dental care, vaccinations, medical care, etc. cost over the years when he was living at home that he was in no shape to pay for all that, plus, he isn't in a stable housing situation since he'll be moving again in a year or two. Kids need to know that pets are expensive and a long-term commitment.
Another important thing to teach kids is how to manage their own upkeep. I made sure ours could make their own doctor/dentist/hairdresser/DMV/etc. appointments, find their way there, communicate with the service provider, make payment, and follow up. They need to know what has to be taken care of and when, and then they need to manage it for themselves.
I think an excellent learning tool would be to TIVO at least a week's worth of Judge Judy and sit down and watch it with your kid. That show covers so many landlord/renter, roommate, lending car , etc problems that kids starting out have no idea can pop up.
I also think every person going out on their own needs to learn how to make a mature and respectful phone call or write a good letter dealing with solving problems. Like negotiating a bill or time payments, how to challenge a fee on a bank statement or credit card statement, how to ask for special assistance and how to complain for the best results.
And I definitely disagree with teaching them to stay with Mama till they buy their own house. Nobody would ever grow up or independent if they lived with Mama till they could afford their own home. Each young person needs to learn how to live alone and make important decisions on their own and more importantly they need to know how to recover from the inevitable mistakes and heartbreaks they are bound to have.
Sorry--I disagree with the landline vs cell phone and cost...it's hard to get by without a cell phone--both socially and for work. Most companies require cell phone use, or at least expect it, and landlines don't go with you when you are out and about. Cell phones are here to stay, just accept that.
So this is a good example, actually, of the problem solving skills I was talking about. You can help kids focus on the pros and cons by skipping the assumptions. Both you and the poster to whom you responded, skipped past the evaluation part to the merit judgement part. What is the GOAL? If the need of the moment is connectivity, then the cell phone might be just the ticket. If the need of the moment is a rigid budget, then the cell phone might be an unnecessary luxury. It is not about the relative merits of the cell phone, nifty and useful gadgets though they are.
I think one of the skills often overlooked is how to deal with people. Knowing when to walk away from an argument and when to dig in your heels. How to talk to people who are in management above you. How to identify different types of people and how to handle them.My older son once told me about a girl and said he was really falling for her. He told me all about all of her sob stories (there were a lot). I had a little alarm go off in my head. I told him, "I want you to try something the next time you see her. Try to bring the conversation around to a problem YOU are having. I have a feeling it won't be about you for very long and she will steer it back to her. Just try it." He came back the next day and said, "Mom, YOU WERE RIGHT! I never noticed it, but everything is ALL ABOUT HER! I tried it twice and both times she wasn't interested in talking about me at all!"I had always taught him how to be a good conversationalist and try to focus the conversation about the other person. This backfired a bit because, as a result, he didn't notice how self-centered this girl was.
Last edited by Book Lover 21; 10-29-2013 at 03:52 PM..
Reason: para
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