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I am strong willed at 56 and had my butt beat on a daily basis if needed. Sometimes twice - once by mom and then again by dad when he got home. Dad was also a military training instructor and knew how to psychologically get into our heads.
Things kids do these days were never a fleeting thought to my siblings or myself - it was a pointless waste of brain power because it would come to no good end.
Deterrents blew away when Political Correctness intruded into our lives. Deterrents are what remind a society of consequences. Examples have been made of offenders since time immortal but PC has deemed them to be bad for self esteem.
What self esteem does a misbehaved brat have when his/her parents abhor their behavior to the point of denying them what other kids may enjoy?
I like having my kids open minded, strong willed, rebellious, and defiant. I see how other kids are brainwashed in church. I teach my kids to question everything: the government, the military, the media, and business.
It's better than convincing them to jump out of the trenches and run straight into the machine gun fire.
My 6 years old daughter is strong willed kid and she is giving me a lot of troubles. She does not listen and always does what she pleased. Talking to her only help once in a blue moon. I have ended up screaming at her most of the time now. I am tire of screaming myself and I am making a bad example out of it. While I am trying to control myself, but after she tested my limit again and again, I am easily tipped and I cannot do anything but screaming at her for every little thing.
If you were in my situation before, what have you done to turned it around?
Don't scream. Try and figure out why you have that power struggle.
IMO, you need a whole new approach and honest refection of other things going on. How you wrote it sounds really BAD. Do you see what you SAID??
She can be strong willed. And she can enjoy the consequences just like we all do in life. Some people just have to learn the hard way and some of that is even hereditary.
Make sure YOU'RE doing the right things as a foundation before addressing these miscellaneous fights. Going to bed early and getting enough sleep, getting up in time for school not rushing, not dragging her out at night to Walmart when she should be winding down getting ready for bed. NOt watching stimulating TV and expecting her to just "go to sleep", having her pick her clothes out the night before...teaching a routine for school stuff every day... etc etc etc.
6 years old is a BABY for cripes sakes. REFLECT.
Also, first grade is awful and depressing. They bring home all the other kids' crap.
My 6 years old daughter is strong willed kid and she is giving me a lot of troubles. She does not listen and always does what she pleased. Talking to her only help once in a blue moon. I have ended up screaming at her most of the time now. I am tire of screaming myself and I am making a bad example out of it. While I am trying to control myself, but after she tested my limit again and again, I am easily tipped and I cannot do anything but screaming at her for every little thing.
If you were in my situation before, what have you done to turned it around?
Take a nice, deep breath and calm yourself. Remind yourself that every time she "makes" you lose your cool, she wins. It scares the crap out of them when you take the time to calm down. She's waiting for an eruption and won't know what to expect when she doesn't get the expected response.
Sometimes, parents need to make contact with their children. Don't just tell her to do something, then scream. Stop what you're doing and make sure she does it. You take away any "distractions" that are keeping her from focusing on what it is you're trying to get her to do. Clearly, by now, you are seeing that she's just tuning out your screaming. She's accustomed to it. Eventually, she'll just think you're a crazy b*tch who can't say anything without yelling. The worst part of it is.......YOU are showing her how to communicate in a stressful situation, or when she doesn't get her way. That's what you are doing. YOU are screaming at her because you're not getting your way. See the lesson here?
Communication is making sure the listener is receiving and understanding the message you are trying to communicate.
To be sure the listener (kid) has received the message in his/her brain, simply ASK them to repeat to you what you just told them to do.
With an adult saying something to another adult, it may go like this...
Adult 1: Please turn off the kitchen light the next time you go that direction.
Adult 1: What did I just ask you to do?
Adult 2: To turn off the kitchen light when I go out there next time.
But when saying something to a headstrong stubborn young kid, it might go something like this...
Parent: Leave the dog alone!
Parent: What did I just say to do?
Kid: Hummm La La La... (kid looks up into the sky)
Parent: What did I just tell you to do?
Kid: Teee da la la....
Parent: I told you something about the dog. What did I say?
Etc.
Anyway keep doing that (asking kid to repeat to you what you just said) until the kid can tell you what you said. Then you know they don't have a hearing problem, brain dysfunction, etc. (Usually intentionally not listening and stubbornness.)
Screaming is not discipline. Your child requires discipline. If you are not disciplining your child, I would highly recommend it. If you are not familiar with effective disciplinary techniques, I would recommend that you take a parenting class before it is too late.
Communication is making sure the listener is receiving and understanding the message you are trying to communicate.
To be sure the listener (kid) has received the message in his/her brain, simply ASK them to repeat to you what you just told them to do.
With an adult saying something to another adult, it may go like this...
Adult 1: Please turn off the kitchen light the next time you go that direction.
Adult 1: What did I just ask you to do?
Adult 2: To turn off the kitchen light when I go out there next time.
But when saying something to a headstrong stubborn young kid, it might go something like this...
Parent: Leave the dog alone!
Parent: What did I just say to do?
Kid: Hummm La La La... (kid looks up into the sky)
Parent: What did I just tell you to do?
Kid: Teee da la la....
Parent: I told you something about the dog. What did I say?
Etc.
Anyway keep doing that (asking kid to repeat to you what you just said) until the kid can tell you what you said. Then you know they don't have a hearing problem, brain dysfunction, etc. (Usually intentionally not listening and stubbornness.)
I think this is a recipe for game playing. The child knows s/he can just ignore you, and you will yammer your questions on and on. More effective would be
Leave the dog alone. If the child does not, go over and remove the child from the dog. WHEN you can play nicely with the dog, THEN you can play with the dog. One and done.
I empathize with you. I have a very strong willed 7 year old. He is very intellegient and can be very manipulative. He has to try to get his way regardless of how stern and consistent I am with him. He is a leader and not a follower and I love that about him but it can present some challenging parenting situations. The love and logic technique of giving two choices wore out on him a LONG time ago. I like Love and Logic and it works well for my other children but not for him. He is far more complex.
I am currently reading a great book called "Beyond Time Out" and it has some great techniques that really seem to work pretty well with him. It is also very encouraging and supportive of parents holding firm and not giving in when it seems like the easiest thing to do.
I know it is hard not to yell. I get frustrated and yell sometimes too. My goal is to try not to yell and try to find better strategies but don't beat yourself up about it. At least you are aware of trying to change it. No parent is perfect all the time. We all have our areas of opportunity to improve! Good luck!
I like having my kids open minded, strong willed, rebellious, and defiant. I see how other kids are brainwashed in church. I teach my kids to question everything: the government, the military, the media, and business.
It's better than convincing them to jump out of the trenches and run straight into the machine gun fire.
The bolded sentence is to be ridiculed as was the effort to conceive the thought.
Do they behave themselves in public? Can you take them out to eat without having to correct their behavior? Curiosity and home training are two different matters. If they behave as the hooligans you suggest, they are those people despise when out and about.
I will use dogs for an example. Do you know anyone who owns a dog which obeys it's owner rather than running around like a stray cur? How about dogs having no concept of here, sit and stay? My dog listens to me but is far from perfect at 7 months of age. He will be more obedient at a year of age. My neighbor's daughter has been training her dog at a K9 facility and that dog does anything she says.
Is it wrong to train a dog to behave itself in public? We let them run wild and play like crazy nuts in our back yards but they know when to return to us and behave.
Is it irrational to ask the same from our children? The behavioral patterns learned as a child will follow them throughout life and they can pass that along to their offspring. Job performance reflects these traits.
Then again, some parents just don't care as they behave in the same manner. They are those you see who are overly loud, boisterous and generally obnoxious.
The bolded sentence is to be ridiculed as was the effort to conceive the thought.
Do they behave themselves in public? Can you take them out to eat without having to correct their behavior? Curiosity and home training are two different matters. If they behave as the hooligans you suggest, they are those people despise when out and about.
I will use dogs for an example. Do you know anyone who owns a dog which obeys it's owner rather than running around like a stray cur? How about dogs having no concept of here, sit and stay? My dog listens to me but is far from perfect at 7 months of age. He will be more obedient at a year of age. My neighbor's daughter has been training her dog at a K9 facility and that dog does anything she says.
Is it wrong to train a dog to behave itself in public? We let them run wild and play like crazy nuts in our back yards but they know when to return to us and behave.
Is it irrational to ask the same from our children? The behavioral patterns learned as a child will follow them throughout life and they can pass that along to their offspring. Job performance reflects these traits.
Then again, some parents just don't care as they behave in the same manner. They are those you see who are overly loud, boisterous and generally obnoxious.
This post is quite condescending to the OP, and to most parents of strong willed children. I can only imagine you do not have children or had easy going children (even if not in your opinion). It would be great if all kids complied when they learned what consequences were, but not all do. And due to life experiences I can say that when I'm out in public I do not automatically blame the parent if a child is misbehaving, ESPECIALLY if you see an attentive parent hard at work trying to contain the child.
This post is quite condescending to the OP, and to most parents of strong willed children. I can only imagine you do not have children or had easy going children (even if not in your opinion). It would be great if all kids complied when they learned what consequences were, but not all do. And due to life experiences I can say that when I'm out in public I do not automatically blame the parent if a child is misbehaving, ESPECIALLY if you see an attentive parent hard at work trying to contain the child.
What on earth does blame have to do with anything? A little child cannot be to blame for their parent's inability to understand effective discipline.
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The worst part of it is.......YOU are showing her how to communicate in a stressful situation, or when she doesn't get her way. That's what you are doing. YOU are screaming at her because you're not getting your way. See the lesson here? 
