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My husband and I agree that our children are our top priority, meaning that we put their welfare above all else.
I can't imagine this discussion. Sitting at the table.
Hey, lets prioritize. Okay where are kids.
I vote for number 3
no number 1
why
discussion follows
couple agrees on number 1
never had that discussion. We prioritize specific things we think kids need (vaccinations, health care, daycare, swimming, getting out, 529, food, etc). I can't think of a time I sacrificed a kids "need" versus what I want (other than saying "NO Pizza, we are eating at Euclid Hall".
We do contribute 401k than 529. . . (401k is the priority there)
Yes, you should ignore your wife, say no to going to the football games on guys night, tell your boss you can't do the project for another three months, and stop playing golf for a while. Instead, make your child 100% of your time. Take her anywhere she wants to go, buy her whatever her heart desires, feed her ice cream for dinner,and let her call all the shots. Your daughter will definitely flourish.
+1. My mother-in-law had an argument about this very thing last night. I was telling her that my sister had her first date night out with her husband and left her new baby and five year old son home with the babysitter a couple of weeks ago. She told me she took her two sons out with her husband on every date night they had! I told her that wasn't a date night and wasn't good for their relationship. She disagreed, saying her kids didn't like a babysitter. Needless to say, my in-laws' relationship could use a lot of improvement, and both sons are quite spoiled (although I love my husband very much).
Do you think it is healthy to make your child (assuming you only have one) a priority over everything else in life? I.e., spend all of your energy trying to meet the needs of your child, while putting work, friends, spouse, hobbies, and everything else in your life on hold?
Does you child benefit from this?
I don't know anyone who does this and don't think it benefits the child.
Having said that, I'm not sure what you mean. When she was a baby, the vast majority of our time went into caring for her, although we got babysitters and went out from time to time. Now that she's 15, she does a lot of her own activities and we do our activities (both individually and as a couple) and we still manage to do things all together.
We save for her college education but our retirement savings come first.
People talk about a balanced life, but I don't know anyone with a 'balanced' life. I know people (women) who try to work and have hobbies other than their children, but who struggle with guilt over not doing as much as they think they should for their kids, or stress out over the juggling necessary to be a good parent and anything else at the same time. Sometimes I'd like to just give in and stop working and doing other things and just be a full time mom, but then I feel guilty about that (I'm supposed to have a career and make money too, I'm supposed to be exercising too, I'm supposed to have some friends, and so on and so on). I think balanced life is a myth for women - it's just a question of which kind of stress and guilt and sacrifice you find easier to stomach.
I think that's true when your kids are young, but it gets easier as they get older. They stop wanting to spend so much time with you and it's important to let them spend time with peers and other adults without your being present. Try to hang in there.
+1. My mother-in-law had an argument about this very thing last night. I was telling her that my sister had her first date night out with her husband and left her new baby and five year old son home with the babysitter a couple of weeks ago. She told me she took her two sons out with her husband on every date night they had! I told her that wasn't a date night and wasn't good for their relationship. She disagreed, saying her kids didn't like a babysitter. Needless to say, my in-laws' relationship could use a lot of improvement, and both sons are quite spoiled (although I love my husband very much).
I think everyone knows people like this. The friend who refuses to go/fly anywhere because the impact of planes on kids. Or never trusts a baby sitter ever. . . etc.
This isn't making kids a priority. . has nothing to do with kids
This is because of the needs of the moms. The desire/protection of the mom. Its not a need or desire coming from the kids.
and you know what. . .if she can't be happy trusting her kids to a babysitter. . .and can't enjoy herself. . .than no date nights might be good for her
But i'm with you. . .I've got a date night planned tonight. . .with friends. . .and overnight date night next friday.
I think it depends on what you mean by making your child a priority over everything else in life.
I do think that parents have an obligation to make raising their children the focus of their life. Parents who do not focus their life on their children are simply not being good parents. It makes me angry when people do things that run against their kids long term well being for selfish reasons. I think that parents have a obligation to spend time considering the developmental, educational, and emotional needs of their children. I think parents have an obligation to spend some of their financial resources developing their children's interests (varies by family). I think parents have an obligation to spend some of their free time doing things that interest their children even if those things do not interest the parent.
However, I do not think that doing those things requires a parent to put everything else on hold. Parents can still have hobbies and see friends. I think that parents should work on their marriage because it is my belief that children benefit from an intact family.
When you become a parent you are responsible for your children. That means that if they need you at 6AM because they are a baby then you need to give up late nights drinking so that you can tend to them in the morning. If you had a really expensive hobby and your child wants to take music lessons I think it is selfish to continue to spend your money on your hobby and deny your child music lessons.
I think most people are able to balance parenthood and the rest of their lives. It is very difficult when your children are young because they need so much of you that there isn't much of you left for anything else. As they get older it becomes possible to add back things to make yourself happy. They are young for a very short period of time.
Well said...agree 100%...My "kids" are now 27 and 20...if i had one piece of advice to give to parents of young children..."this too shall pass"...when you are in the weeds of raising small children it's easy to be over whelmed and think it will always be this time consuming...the days may crawl but the years will fly...before you know it you will be an empty nester...looking for a nose to wipe or a boo-boo to kiss...
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