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My Sons father and his entire family live in Illinois and me and my family live on the east coast. My son is 2 and half, will be three in the fall. The father sees him maybe 3-4x a year, he comes up for his b day, Christmas, thanksgiving, and I usually come in the summer to Chicago for 7 days with my son so that he can spend time with his dad. His dad also does Skype with him 2 times a week, every week. He does send me money every other week. He is asking if he can have my son for 2 months this summer. Don't get me wrong I like the idea of a break but I think my son is too young. First of all he doesn't see his dad frequently enough (physically) so it would be awkward for my son if I was not around or in Proximity. He doesn't even know his fathers side of the family.... Barely... Just sees them in the summer. Yet I know they would be the ones that would be watching him while his father worked. They have a completely different discipline methods from me-whipping, cursing their children out, just typical ghetto child rearing. They don't eat the same as I do.... They eat a lot of fried, junk, etc. And they live in the poor bad areas in Chicago.
My sons father lives in a decent safe area though, and his immediate family eats healthier than his extended but it's the extended family that would be watching him while he worked. Anyway right now my son has a nanny, and he's used to the routine we have established. I think at his age 6 weeks is too long to be away from me. He's a mommas boy and would wonder where I was etc. At the same time I know that it would be good to spend time with his dad.
Custody rights have not been established though both of our names are on the birth certificate and i am the main caretaker. I'm just thinking he is too young to comprehend why all the sudden he is in a different environment without his mom. I think when he's 6, spending the entire summer with his dad is fine. But at 2 and half? I was considering compromising and agreeing to 1 week next month with me there, and then two weeks without me being there at the end of July/beginning of August.
I just wanted to know if this was unreasonable, because my sons father believes that it is.
For one it sounds like he's going to be passed around quite a bit -- and cursing at kids is just dead wrong especially if he hasn't been verbally abused ever before.
For one it sounds like he's going to be passed around quite a bit -- and cursing at kids is just dead wrong especially if he hasn't been verbally abused ever before.
Yes that is my concern too. In Addition his dad believes in spanking and will spank him everytime he does something wrong. I have spanked my son maybe three times this entire year and they were always as a last resort when I had tried time out and verbal reprimands and it didnt work. That being said that is my sons dad and I know that he was raised differently than me. In addition they teach all the kids to fight. And he has tons of cousins... I don't want them teaching my son to fight or my son fighting with the cousins that are his age. I just think its tacky and ghetto lol. Anyway I can't tell this to his dad because he will be very offended that I am criticizing his family.
I think the compromise -- the week with you there is plenty --- I wouldn't even subject a 2 1/2 year old to the 2 weeks away from mom. To me it's just too young and he doesn't know these people. Or -- when you're there that week if you see he does very well with the ones he'll spend most of his time with, then maybe you could allow the the two weeks solo.
My Sons father and his entire family live in Illinois and me and my family live on the east coast. My son is 2 and half, will be three in the fall. The father sees him maybe 3-4x a year, he comes up for his b day, Christmas, thanksgiving, and I usually come in the summer to Chicago for 7 days with my son so that he can spend time with his dad. His dad also does Skype with him 2 times a week, every week. He does send me money every other week. He is asking if he can have my son for 2 months this summer. Don't get me wrong I like the idea of a break but I think my son is too young. First of all he doesn't see his dad frequently enough (physically) so it would be awkward for my son if I was not around or in Proximity. He doesn't even know his fathers side of the family.... Barely... Just sees them in the summer. Yet I know they would be the ones that would be watching him while his father worked. They have a completely different discipline methods from me-whipping, cursing their children out, just typical ghetto child rearing. They don't eat the same as I do.... They eat a lot of fried, junk, etc. And they live in the poor bad areas in Chicago.
My sons father lives in a decent safe area though, and his immediate family eats healthier than his extended but it's the extended family that would be watching him while he worked. Anyway right now my son has a nanny, and he's used to the routine we have established. I think at his age 6 weeks is too long to be away from me. He's a mommas boy and would wonder where I was etc. At the same time I know that it would be good to spend time with his dad.
Custody rights have not been established though both of our names are on the birth certificate and i am the main caretaker. I'm just thinking he is too young to comprehend why all the sudden he is in a different environment without his mom. I think when he's 6, spending the entire summer with his dad is fine. But at 2 and half? I was considering compromising and agreeing to 1 week next month with me there, and then two weeks without me being there at the end of July/beginning of August.
I just wanted to know if this was unreasonable, because my sons father believes that it is.
You need to get legal custody in place....with expectations of both sets of parents before anything. I don't think he's too young (I think kids have more ability to deal with things more than most parents give them credit for)....but the fact there is not a legal groundwork for this is just a HUGE no go. You do realize that at any time he could, not saying he would, but he could....take your son and have as much legal rights as you.
You need to get legal custody in place....with expectations of both sets of parents before anything. I don't think he's too young (I think kids have more ability to deal with things more than most parents give them credit for)....but the fact there is not a legal groundwork for this is just a HUGE no go. You do realize that at any time he could, not saying he would, but he could....take your son and have as much legal rights as you.
Yes this is what I read too. In fact that was what I would do if I would ever agree to it. It would only be after we had legal custody in place.
Yes this is what I read too. In fact that was what I would do if I would ever agree to it. It would only be after we had legal custody in place.
He does seem to want to be an involved dad and is being responsible, so it really is in both your interests, as well as your son's, to get this sorted out and all expectations sorted out.
He does seem to want to be an involved dad and is being responsible, so it really is in both your interests, as well as your son's, to get this sorted out and all expectations sorted out.
I agree. He does want to be in my sons life badly. I know he is very depressed about the fact that he can't be here physically and about how everything played out. But I did read on various legal sites that most courts don't recommend that a child under 6, spends extended period of time with the non custodial parent, if the child doesn't see him frequently and if the other parent won't be around... I just don't want my son to feel like I abandoned him, and I don't want him to be around his fathers ghetto family and come back home cursing and fighting and only responding to spanking.
You need to get legal custody in place....with expectations of both sets of parents before anything. I don't think he's too young (I think kids have more ability to deal with things more than most parents give them credit for)....but the fact there is not a legal groundwork for this is just a HUGE no go. You do realize that at any time he could, not saying he would, but he could....take your son and have as much legal rights as you.
I am. And especially before I would let my son stay with him..., I'm just wondering if he is too young to stay with his dad for that long without me around.
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